Wednesday, September 16, 2015

This Self-ie Thing is Going Too Far

I’ll admit that back in the day, I used to take pictures of myself with my SLR camera. Arms stretched out front, big smile….then wait until the film got developed to see how much of my big head got cut off and how much background was or was not included. Or, if I wanted to be fancy, I could set the timer and run in front of the camera and try to get settled before the shutter released.  Then wait until the film got developed to see whether I made it into the frame or was even in focus. It was called a “self-portrait” then, but I guess that was too long a word, and a process, to really catch on.

Fast forward to digital cameras and camera phones and the self-ie thing has become an artform of its own. Some people are pretty good at it and share interesting photos that their idoling public, or at least friends, want to see. But some? Some have taken the self-ie thing too far. And they need to stop.

“Getting my praise on” Self-ie. Are you going to praise God or walk the runway? I know, we all like to look good going to our houses of worship, I'm the first to plan my outfit around the hat I want to wear. But be content with the “you sure do look nice today” compliment from your fellow parishioners. Or at least just tag your picture as your “Sunday outfit,” don’t try to make it some religious calling.

Sweaty Self-ie. We know, you workout. We get it because we see your FitBit step count, runwithme mileage post, your recipe for fat-reducing water and all of the pictures of you before, during and after every sweat inducing movement. And really, you don't look cute. None of us really do in the midst of a good workout. Crossing the finish line at the Iron Man? Yup, we’ll “like” that. You running a mile and doing a set of push-ups at the gym? Not so much.

Traveling but No Scenery Self-ie. This is the picture of you standing there at some glorious wonderful place but we can't even see the glorious wonderful place because your big head is in the way.  You claim you are in Paris or Fiji or Egypt, but really you could be standing in your own backyard for all we can tell.

Stopped at a Red Light Self-ie. Why? Do you happen to catch a glimpse of yourself in the rearview mirror and think “dang! I look good! Let me capture this moment for my adoring fans.”  But this is not as bad as the not stopped at a red light, driving down the street self-ie. Please stop.

The Making Out Self-ie. You and your beau, or beau-for-the-minute, all over each other? Yeah, don’t need to nor want to see that. Get a room. Turn off the camera.  (Yeah, I know some folks actually get famous by not turning off the camera, but, is that what you're going for?)

Bathroom Mirror Self-ie. Why are folks still doing this? I didn't understand why long time ago, but now with cameras on either side of your phone, selfie-sticks (ugh!) and a friend or two - why are folks still taking pics with the toilet and their dirty laundry in the background?

Woke up Like This Self-ie.  You do know that Beyonce doesn’t actually wake up looking like that, right?  We don’t need the pic of you and your beau cuddled up under the sheets. Or you waking up, sleepily gazing into your phone. Unless your makeup girl and hairdresser tiptoe into your room before you open your eyes, just wait.  You can always take your self-ie in the car on the way to the gym.

I know there are plenty more annoying self-ies. Feel free to add to the list! 

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