Won't Back Down

Later this month, a new movie will come out, another look at the portion of the education system that’s failing our kids.  Unlike previous movies, such as Waiting for Superman, this is a fictionalized movie, so there is an ending to the story.  By the time the credits roll, the kids are doing better than when the movie opens and the little girl is running late to her run-down school, chomping on a Pop-Tart, with her disheveled, working-two-jobs mom running behind her.

WON’T BACK DOWN stars Viola Davis & Maggie Gyllenhaal as two determined mothers, one a teacher, who will stop at nothing to transform their children's failing inner city school. Facing a powerful and entrenched bureaucracy, they risk everything to make a difference in the education and future of their children.

I saw a preview of the movie last month, courtesy of Mocha Moms of the MidAtlantic and LiquidSoul Media.  I considered this story through various lenses - as a mother of four children in public schools, as a former teacher, and as an active parent advocate.

I won’t give away the story (don’t you hate spoilers?), but I will say there were parts that I liked and cheered for - like when the parents finally showed some interest in their kids and weren't afraid to stand up for improving their education.  I loved the underlying message - parents have to be advocates for their kids.   There were also parts I didn't like and with which I disagreed.  At one point, the official from the teachers’ union makes an offer that Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character turns down.  It was a hard decision and I’m not sure what I would’ve done.  In another scene, there was a manner of disciplinary action taken against Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character’s daughter, and had that been my child, the Principal would have to call a “code red” or “code purple” or whatever is the security code for “lock your doors, ferocious mama bear on the loose.”

But here’s a couple of the questions that came to my mind while watching the film.

-       What is the cost of advocacy to your child?  Change takes time, usually a long time.  (This time frame was drastically shortened in the movie, but, well, it’s a movie.)  What are you giving up for your child while you fight for structural change in the school system?  What should parents do in the meantime so their kid’s not continuing to be at a disadvantage?

-       Income level of families, obviously, affects the choices that parents have for their child’s education, whether its moving to an area with better public schools or sending them to private schools.  But is it fair that poorer students have such few options – failing schools, mediocre schools, and a 1/1000 chance in a lottery to go to a better school?  How do we level the education opportunities for all children?

-       How do we better compensate the “good” teachers and improve, or (dare I say) get rid of, the “bad” teachers?

Admittedly, I have little direct experience with “failing inner city school.”  We have been blessed to be in a great school system and my children have mostly had good teachers.  However, I have taught in schools with “urban issues” and some of the schools in our county also deal with those concerns usually ascribed to inner city schools.  Even in a good school system, there’s still some tired, cynical, unenthusiastic teachers; uninvolved, uninterested, tired, over-worked, over-whelmed parents; uninterested, unmotivated students.  See a theme here?  Everybody’s tired of the other tired people.

The message – all the stakeholders have got to be motivated and involved.  Motivated to teach, to learn, to support education.  It’s not just the teachers who have to be excited about their lesson plans.  The kids can’t be the only ones enthusiastic about reading Shakespeare.  There’s got to be more than parents raising their hands to volunteer at the book fair.  As the saying goes, it takes a village.  And not just a village of folks sitting around twiddlin’ their thumbs, but citizens who are working and contributing to making a better village.

See the movie, let me know what you think.  In the meantime, what are you doing in your kid’s school to improve education?

Moms Deserve to Relax and Refresh

Its a simple idea, but so hard for moms to do - carve out some time to enjoy themselves.  To relax, indulge in something sweet, chit-chat with other like-minded souls, in a non-kid focused atmosphere.  Sure, we love our kids and we love being moms, but we also need to love ourselves.

This weekend, i've been invited to hang out at the Mocha Moms Mid-Atlantic Powerhouse Moms retreat in northern  Virginia.  I get to hang out a bit and share the good stuff going on.  In a cozy boutique hotel with a light agenda of activities and workshops (Six Marriage Strategies for a Hot Sex Life, anybody?), its a reminder for moms to take some time to refresh and relax.  I'm not doing the full experience - including sleeping in a comfy hotel room in a bed that I don't have to make in the morning and wandering leisurely to morning yoga - because I've got mommy stuff to do in the middle of all the activities, but I'm going to enjoy what I can.  Starting with the Pretty in Pink Dessert Party & Marketplace last night.

My girlfriend Shawn came along with me for the evening

There were about a dozen vendors around the room, with a buffet of sweets - including a chocolate fountain.  If you're going to relax, you might as well throw in a chocolate fountain, right?

As I mentioned on FaceBook - I'm blogging this weekend as a Mocha Moms Rep for McDonald's of the DMV.  Was I a little excited about that selection?  Uh, yeah.  It's McDonald's!

Nicole Nicholas, Maryland/DC Mocha Moms State Coordinator, spinning the wheel for healthy menu options

An admission - I have a strong - hmmm, "like" isn't even the right term, since my husband has suggested I just indulge through an IV, but let's go with that for now - like of sweet tea?  Okay, maybe not the first thing you think of for "healthy" but moderation is key, along with balance and alternatives.  McD's gets hit hard as the reason why Americans are obese, but I think its all about choices.  I'm happy to see that the Filet-O-Fish is under 400 calories and the small Mango Pineapple Smoothie is only 220 calories.   Let me finish reading over the menu nutrition info and I'll tell you what else you can eat - and how many french fries should go along with that shake.

I was excited about JustDiva.  This is a new daily lifestyle email publication that delivers an engaging message highlighting a product, service, or experience to enhance your life.  Topics will rotate between a wide variety of areas such as beauty, fashion, food, home decor, health, and technology.  Their target market is today's African-American woman who is "more educated, more professionally accomplished and more socially conscious than she has ever been."  I took a peek at their archived tidbits and found recommendations for a company that does unique family tree designs (yet, another sometime hobby of mine), a baking company that makes vegetarian potpies, and a Christian jewelry shop.  Go ahead, take a look and tell me what you find - www.justdivadaily.com.

Martine Foreman, Editor and Co-Founder of JustDiva

Unfortunately, I was not dressed appropriately to straddle the seated massage chair and let one of the guys from JustOneTouch massage out a couple of knots, but what a great service.  Here's a mom who was ready - strapless top, free and accessible shoulders.  Yeah, I was a bit jealous.

Mom, Meeka, enjoys a massage - oh, to be able to do this more often!

What you want when you go shopping is that girlfriend who tells you "nope, that's not too cute" when its really not and "yes, that looks great on you- buy it" when it really does.  That's why I love shopping with Shawn.  I don't think I've ever known her to say "oh, no, that's just too sparkly", so I probably have to credit her for several of the fun, sparkly pieces in my jewelry box.  And she gets credit for this one, too, from Tracey Lynn Jewelry.

My new necklace - its not too much for PTA, right?

I also stopped by Pink Papaya, a natural body products shop.  And now that I'm settled and putting my feet up, I'm realizing I was distracted by that chocolate fountain and forgot to get a jar of body butter (I love body butter).  Good thing I'll be back later this afternoon.

Kenya enjoying a hand treatment from Stacia of Pink Papaya

Keep up with me at the Mocha Moms Retreat - follow along on my FaceBook page, Just Piddlin with Frances, and on Twitter #PowerHouse!

An Infinite Source of Power

On Friday night, a pretty big storm rolled thru and knocked out power in a widespread area in DC/Maryland/Virginia area.  Though we woke up with lights, our street - driveways, yards, the street itself - was littered with what used to be trees.  There were reported thousands without power and the temperature was going back up towards 100 degrees again on Saturday.  According to the news, it was bad all over the area.

In the meantime, the Inspiration Celebration Gospel Tour was scheduled for Saturday night at Ebenezer  A.M.E. Church in Ft. Washington.  The gospel concert, featuring the group 21:03, Byron Cage, and Fred Hammond, was sponsored by McDonald's, and a free-will offering during the event would benefit the Ronald McDonald House Charities.

Often times, things happen and we think "hmm, interesting coincidence."  But I don't think God works in coincidences, they aren't to Him anyway.  I do believe that when you are put in certain situations, you are put there for a reason.  Maybe to open your eyes, maybe to expand your mind, maybe to entertain you.  Maybe so God can speak to you.  Maybe all of those reasons or more.

When we got to the church, a line of people was literally, circling the building; hundreds of people standing in the humid heat waiting to get inside.  Inside where it was cool, to comfort the body, and inside where it would soon be spirit filled, to comfort the soul.  And we were not disappointed in either respect.  Our hearts were lifted as the three performers occupied the stage.  Evin Martin and Torrence Green of 21:03 danced and sang in their hip-hop-style, their lyrics, "I'm still here because the blood still has its power," reminding us that we can still make it long after we think we can't.  It moved from a concert to church as  Byron Cage told us that God had "A Message" for us and he would continue to "bless the Lord for all time".  I lost count of the songs Fred Hammond sang, but was fully filled as he moved to close with one of my favorites - "They That Wait".

In the middle of all the music, a true message came through, a reminder to consider our blessings.  With the heat and no A/C, its easy to take pity on ourselves and pout and complain about the rough spot we're in.  But, as Fred Hammond said, there are plenty of people out there who would trade spots with you, to have your problems, and give you theirs.  First in line, think about the people who didn't have power before the storm, or don't even have a home to now be without power.  And yes, I am saying this in a house with power, but trust me, there's other petty annoyances and inconveniences in my life that I complain about, too. 

And this simple reminder brought me back to the point of the entire concert - the Ronald McDonald Houses.  I know they exist, I've read the info on that little box on the McD's counter that asks you to drop in your change and watched some commercials or read a brochure over the years, but, quite honestly, never made any concerted effort to know more.  These are temporary homes for families whose children, generally critically ill children, are receiving long-term, medical care.  The homes allow the families to be close to their child without the added expense of hotel stays.  As a parent, I can't imagine a more scarier or stressful situation.

But parenthood changes you, it makes you open your eyes to things, makes you prioritize differently, makes you want to be stronger.  In fact, any life change or personal obstacle can push you to draw upon a strength you never knew you had, and when that's all gone, to look to a higher source, an infinite source of power.  You might have to sweat, you might have to wait for relief or for the things you think you want, but there is a power that will never go out, never leave you in the dark for days on end.  All you have to do is ask, "Father, please help me."

Thank you to Mocha Moms, Inc. for the invite to be a guest blogger for this event on behalf of the organization and the Ronald McDonald House of Greater Washington DC.  Please consider volunteering or making a donation to support the RMH Charities.

Celebrity Mom

Everyone has some person who they regard as some kind of celebrity, right?  You know - the person who you would meet and think "how cool to meet X".  Not like Denzel Washington (although, that is very cool) but someone in your industry or social organization, a regular person who you admire.  Last night, I met one of those "how cool to meet them" people.

Busy moms - Jolene, me, Shebra

I went to a friend's political fundraiser and was introduced to Jolene Ivey (she's on the left in the picture; the one on the right is another busy PTA mom).  "Hey, I know who she is!  She's one of the Founders of Mocha Moms!"  So for anyone who is not a Mocha Mom, maybe you don't get it, and maybe some of you who are, you still don't get it.  But when I joined the organization, it was still small, mainly in the Maryland area, a new support network for stay-at-home mothers of color.  Now, its a national organization, with chapters across the country, various special interest groups, and with policy statements and a grand network to improve the lives of children and support mothers.  I asked Jolene last night did they ever imagine it would grow into what it is now.  She said they did, they were just surprised that it actually worked.

I'm glad it worked.  Most - all? - of my mom-friends I have are from my connection to Mocha Moms, and I can't even count the number of moms over the years who have asked me about connecting to a chapter, in my area, as well as in other states.  We maintained and grew our chapter as our children grew from infants and toddlers to school-age kids.  In fact, we have our first Mocha kid college graduate this year.  Its been a wonderful collection of families and we've become more than just a bunch of moms and kids getting together to play.  We've celebrated birthdays - ours and our kids - and milestones; we've become emotional support during sickness, loss, and deployment; we've cheered on each other's successes professionally and personally; we've watched each others kids and carpooled through our hectic schedules.  We used to plan activities for the summer, what we affectionately dubbed "Camp Mocha Moms".  We no longer meet for play-group as in the early days, but continue to regularly meet for coffee, discovering new hobbies such as scrapbooking, crochet, and knitting project, and, having lost count of the books we've read, we still meet for bookclub.  This week, we will meet for our end of school breakfast - our last chance to chit-chat child-free for a few months. 

Motherhood can be hard, and sometimes it can be lonely and you feel like you don't know what to do next.  I can't imagine having made this journey without my Mocha Mom friends.  I'm thankful that all those years ago Jolene and her friends thought not only to gather themselves, but came up with a vision to gather other mothers, too.  It speaks to how each of us has the potential to set off a small spark that will grow into a beautiful fire that will light up so many lives.  What a wonderful surprise.

Give a kid a Shot@Life

My girls absolutely hate getting their immunization shots and would avoid it if they could, and they do try.  In fact, my youngest doesn't even like getting the FluMist, you know, the little no-pain nasal spray. During one doctor's appointment, B, my middle daughter, actually crawled underneath the examining table, backing into the far corner in an attempt to get out of the doctor's reach. After we finally managed to pull her out, it still took the doctor, a nurse, and myself to hold her still long enough for the injections that would prevent her from getting measles, mumps, rubella, polio, or chicken pox. Her reward was a sticker, a lollipop, and her choice of Dora or Princess band-aids which she gladly accepted for the invasion of her will.

"Maybe if I don't look, it won't hurt"

It's something I don't even give any thought, I don't imagine most moms do. Make the annual doctor's appointment, roll up their sleeves, give them whatever shot is on the schedule for that age. It's a medical privilege I've always taken for granted and we have almost even forgotten what the diseases look like. When my youngest actually got the chicken pox, the pediatrician's office was a flurry of excitement to see a real, live case of the disease.

We rarely, if ever, consider the fact that each year, 1.7 million children around the world are still suffering and dying from the diseases I have automatically immunized my children against.  One in five children don't have access to the basic immunizations that could save their lives.  For a mere $5, a child can be vaccinated against polio and measles. [stats from shotatlife.org/learn/] For the cost of a tall latte, a child's life could be saved.

Mocha Moms has launched a campaign with Shot@Life to raise awareness about the need for greater worldwide access for childhood immunization.  For more information, check out ShotatLife.org or MochaMoms.org.