5 Tips for Moms Breastfeeding in Public

I’m about eight years removed from breastfeeding, so although some things may have changed (those much cuter cover-ups that are now out), the basics have stayed the same.

• Some folks get breastfeeding, some don’t.  There are people who are pro-breastfeeding/it’s the only way, there’s formula is best folks, and there’s others who haven’t given it any thought until they saw your boobs at the store.
• Breastfeeding is natural, but that doesn’t mean everyone wants to see you do it. Insert any other natural function in place of “breastfeeding” for emphasis.
• You do have the right to choose how you want to feed your kid.
• You do not need to be fully exposed for your child to get the full nutritional value of your breastmilk.

So, while you can do whatever you want at home – nurse naked doing a headstand in your living room if you want to - here’s a few tips that hopefully will make your public breastfeeding days a bit easier.

• Dress for the occasion and the task.  When my first daughter was born, nursing-wear was limited to what amounted to super-large t-shirts with a slit cut across the middle. I had two and hated them both.  But nursing-wear has progressively gotten less ugly and more like “normal” clothes.  But if you don’t want to go through the expense of buying clothing specifically for nursing, then wear clothes that make the task easier. Button down shirts, shirts that can comfortably lifted up from the waist, even a spaghetti-strap sundress or a stretchy v-neck t-shirt. It depends on your comfort and to an extent, your body and breast size. Do not, as I made the hurried mistake with my first-born, wear a full dress in which the only way you can nurse your child is to either unzip the dress and disrobe from the shoulders down or pull up the entire length of the skirt to your breasts.

• Be discreet.  See tip #1 and/or get yourself one of those pretty little coverups or baby blankets.  As much as we want to scream that people shouldn’t look at breasts as sexual appendages, exposed nude body parts do make some people nervous, anxious, annoyed, and even feel as if they are invading your privacy.  That quickly turned head isn’t always a “yuck, how dare she nurse in public” sometimes it’s a “oh my goodness, I probably embarrassed that mom by looking at her breast.”  Now, if you want to have both boobs hanging out, then face it – you might get ogled or folks might roll their eyes and make rude comments.  But if you want to avoid all that, be discreet. 

• Find a private place.  My babies weren’t always so great at being discreet or even focusing on nursing when there was a lot going on. They may have been hungry, but they wanted to observe the world while enjoying their meal, like many of us do.  Or they were so terribly cranky hungry that it took a while to settle and soothe them to nurse. I found a (relatively) quiet and private place worked better in both of these situations rather than a chair in the middle of a department store or a busy restaurant.  Dressing rooms, the lounge area of a ladies room (I’m not mentioning any names, but some of those upscale department stores are kinda nice), even a tucked away alcove in your favorite restaurant.  It’s not to hide your nursing, but to make your child more comfortable.

• Say “No, thank you.” When the store clerk comes to offer you a more private place in the bathroom, give her the benefit of the doubt – if she hasn’t breastfed, she may not be thinking “eww, she should go sit on the toilet and feed her baby,” she might be thinking “maybe she wants some privacy and the bathroom is the best option I can offer her.”  Just say “I appreciate your concern, I’m fine right here” and stay seated on your chair in the back of the store.  If the waitress says you and your baby got to go, kindly say, “Thank you, as soon as we are done our meal, we’ll be on our way.” And if they really really insist that you move? Really, I’m always of the mindset that if you don’t want me here, I don’t want to be here either. So your other option is to pack up your stuff, leave behind any items you would’ve purchased and be satisfied with the extra money in your pocket and find a new spot.

• Educate people. This is a big picture task.  Everybody is not pro-breastfeeding. That’s that. Some don’t get it, don’t understand why you would do it, tout the health benefits of formula or soymilk or goat’s milk or whatever. Whether it’s your own mother, your girlfriend, your baby’s daddy, the nosy neighbor, or the lady staring at you at the store - take a minute and let them know why you’ve chosen breastfeeding. 

And one more thing – Make eye contact only with your baby. Don’t look at those people rolling their eyes at you, tsk-tsk-ing your breastfeeding.  Look away from the store manager who is about to break her neck shaking her head at you to make your go away. Lean back in your seat and close your eyes to your mother holding out a bottle.  Just look into the getting-sleepy eyes of your happy baby and ignore everyone else.

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Just Breastfeed Your Baby!

Once upon a time, a long time ago it seems, I breastfed my children, all four of them.  At home, in restaurants, walking thru Target, at friends' homes, on the beach.  And not once - not at all, ever - did someone say, "hey, lady, you can't do that here."

I'm amazed and surprised whenever a news story pops up about a mom who has been prohibited from breastfeeding her baby somewhere.  And generally, there is no insinuation that the woman was sitting in the middle of the floor, topless, so I'm assuming these moms, if they were in the act of feeding their child, were doing so somewhat discreetly, as much as one can.  Then why someone would come over and say "hey, lady, stop doing something that we can hardly even tell you are doing," I don't really understand.

And I know - yes, there are those moms who sit there almost topless, fully, or at least half-exposed, while they are feeding their baby. So, yeah, I get that no-one wants to see engorged breasts in public, unless and except when it's on the big or little screen for entertainment purposes only.  So, go back to where I said "discreetly."

The other situation is those moms who ask if it's okay to breastfeed their kid.  Why are they asking if it's okay?  I've never once taken out my kid's bottle and asked if it's okay for them to drink their juice, or asked permission before handing them a graham cracker.  So here's the lesson for you moms:
stop asking for permission!

If your baby is crying and hungry, get yourself comfy and feed your kid.

Even the Pope this week said so. Don't let the baby scream until there's a convenient and appropriate time. Feed the kid!

This week, a mom was denied access to a fitting room in Victoria's Secret to breastfeed her kid. On the one hand, I understand VS's point that it's not a feeding room, it's a fitting room for customer's to try on bras and panties that they will buy.  Having a lady sitting in there feeding her kid (whether breastmilk or a bottle) is basically using up income-producing real estate. Understood.  (I don't think that's the way the store clerk put it, but let's pretend she was nice about her refusal.)  But mom - why did you ask?  Just go in, close the curtain, and feed your kid. Take a bra in there with you if you feel like you need an excuse.  These are great, calm, cozy places to breastfeed a kid in the middle of the hectic mall.  Not advocating for turning fitting rooms into feeding rooms, but I'm just sayin'.

And the protests and the feed-ins? Okay, if that's what you want to do.  Me, I never had the energy to wrap up my baby, go somewhere I wasn't wanted, and then wait for her or him to be hungry so I can sit there and feed them to make a point.  But hey, I do stuff that other folks would consider requiring too much energy, too, so to each her own protest.

I guess the stories of moms being accosted for breastfeeding make other moms feel nervous and anxious, and so they ask.  But consider the statistics.  This week, I saw 1 story.  Maybe you saw another.  Altogether, maybe there's a handful of stories this week about moms being told don't breastfeed.  Among the millions of moms who were walking around with happily fed babies.  See? Your chances are low, it's like winning the lotto, that someone is going to bother you.  So stop asking permission, don't be anxious, and feed your kid.

Happy feeding!

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