Father's Day is for Dads... Can We Leave it That Way?

This weekend is Father’s Day. It’s for dad, daddy, pop-pop, papi, papa – fathers.  For many people, young and old, it’s a sad reminder of the dads who aren’t present in their life, for the myriad of reasons why, spanning from choice to illness to death to prison to deployment to even not knowing who dad is and many others.  And there’s a lot of moms out there trying to fill that space. But it’s not mom’s day – that was back in May, it was called Mother’s Day.

There seems to be a growing trend over the recent years to honor the single mom on Father’s Day. I think I’ve actually seen more ads for gifts and cards for mom than dads for this weekend. 

Single moms, no doubt, have quite a challenge in raising their children alone, for whatever reason they are alone. And this is where I note that some of my favorite people are or were single moms and I acknowledge all that they are doing for their children.  But they aren’t dads.  A dad is a male parental figure. Moms aren’t that. No matter if they are the one who brings home the bacon, changes the tire, cuts the grass, coaches basketball, as well as cooks dinner, plants the flowers, and sews dance costumes. (Yes, I know I am invoking strong gender roled tasks here.)  Regardless of all that, mom is the female parental figure. Give her the honor of a really hard working mom. Give mom extra flowers on Mother’s Day or even give her an extra day and let her celebrate Mother’s weekend.

Don’t let dads off the hook or reinforce the “my kid doesn’t need a dad” message by letting mom take the glory. Don’t make moms have to man-up by celebrating Father’s Day.  Don’t dismiss the memory of a father.  Don’t take away from the dads who are there and present in their kids life by making them share it with single moms.

To all the kids who are missing their dads this weekend and everyday, God bless you.

And to all the dads out there, hanging out with their kids this weekend - Happy Father’s Day.

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There's More Than 1 Good Dad Out There

Last week a photo went viral - it depicted a Black guy (presumably the dad) with a baby attached to him in one of the snuggy things combing another little girl's hair.

Oh my gosh! You would've thought that it was a pic of a guy solving world hunger or flying with a jet pack to the moon.  Folks acted like they never seen a dad being a good dad before.

Okay, I'm not living under a perfect family rock. I know that there are guys out there fathering kids by women who aren't their wives (or, ahem, fiancees), guys who've got babies the same age from two different mommas (is there a term for that, "urban twins" maybe?), guys who've been around town so much that they could fill a classroom with their offspring, and guys who kick back on the couch watching ESPN while their wife and mother of their children cook with one hand, check homework with one eye, watch the baby with the other eye, and fold laundry with the other hand.  Yes, I know there are some deadbeat, no good, raggedy men posing as fathers out there or even hiding from the title of "dad."

But there are good dads out there, too.  Dads who marry their babies' momma and don't have any "outside" kids.  Dads who walk their kids to school and volunteer in the PTA.  Dads who coach their kid's basketball team and cheer on their chess match.  Dads who brush their daughter's hair and help her pick out the perfect leggings to go with her dress.  Dads who (gasp!) even pay their child support.  Dads who cook dinner and dads who help with homework.

How does one find one of these good dads for their kids?  I have to go along with my mother's own comments, here.  We, as women, have to be more picky about our choices in men.  If we want a dad that's going to stick around, perhaps we shouldn't go with the guy who already has five kids scattered around town.  If we want the dad who is going to cook sometimes, maybe not pick the dude who has pizza boxes and carryout containers piled in the kitchen.  If you want the guy who is going to help your kid get through school, look for the guy who values education and goals.  In general, pick a guy who shows some kind of loving and caring nature about him, so that if things end up not going so well between mom and dad, the kids still have a reliable dad, even if he's not physically and emotionally with their mother.  Yeah, I know, sometimes the guys a wolf in sheep's clothing, and you can get caught totally off-guard.  But sometimes, it's a wolf in wolf's clothing, too, and women still stick their hand out.

The pic of the dad and his girls is cute, no doubt.  I admit, I smiled when I saw it and that "aww, how cute."  But the sad thing about it?  Folks are acting like it's some anomoly. Some amazing proof of this other life-form: the good dad, like we finally got an undeniable photo of BigFoot.  I know there's some other proof. I've just got this feeling that there are some other good dads out there.  Am I right?  Share in the comments any proof to support this theory.

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