Warning: In Service, You Will Get Trampled #GivingTuesday

I’m still thinking about a line I lifted out of the message this Sunday at church: To be a bridge for the hopeless, you must be ready to be trampled upon.

I’m adding this as a sub-text to one of my most-repeated phrases, “No good deed goes unpunished,” something a former boss used to say to me whenever I complained about my latest bruising.

Doesn’t it seem like whenever you are trying to help somebody, whether a specific person or a general, ideal of a group (the “homeless,” “those kids”) you get stepped on a little bit, jostled, and pushed around.  And then you wonder, what the heck am I doing this for? I could instead be sitting back, reading that book that I’ve been stuck on chapter one forever because I’ve been so busy doing this thing and sipping a glass of wine.

Being of service to others isn’t easy. It requires sacrifice of time, energy, emotion, and, often, personal resources. And as a Veteran who spoke at an event I went to last week reminded us, it requires a sacrifice from your family and loved ones around you.  When you go to volunteer at the food pantry, you might be missing dinner with your family.  When you help coach the basketball team, your own kid is missing out on the time to play catch with you.  When you are sitting in PTA meeting, planning the bake sale to buy books for the reading room, you are missing a conversation with your spouse. Dropping those clothes off at the job training center is cutting into happy hour with your friends.  So the sacrifice is your’s, but also your family’s and friends’.

On top of all that, sometimes, folks don’t appreciate your service. Sorry, it’s true. Whether the recipient, other people you are working with, or other people who would like to be doing what you are doing but for some reason are not.  You will have detractors and nay-sayers, unfortunately.  Someone will complain that you should’ve bought canned beans for the food drive, not macaroni and cheese.  You should’ve donated hats, not scarves.  They will whisper that you drive a Benz and just came back from a vacation in Hawaii, but only bought two tickets to the school play.  Sorry. It’s going to happen.

When all this happens and you are looking at the footprints up and down your spirit, look outwards.  Look toward the other side.  Where are you trying to help people get to. Are you trying to make sure kids are warm this winter?  Do you want to make sure families are fed?  Do you want women to have a safe haven when they are abused or assaulted?  Are you trying to get a crosswalk at your school?  Do you have this crazy notion that every child should be able to read, no matter their country of origin?  Keep your eyes there, on that distant side.  Keep in mind the destination you are trying to help people reach.  Dust off some of those dusty footprints.  And keep leading people to a new place.

And in case no-one else says it, “thank you for your service.”

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#GivingTuesday...and Don't Forget Wednesday, Thursday...

Perhaps, hopefully, you've seen my blogposts or tweets or Facebook status updates. All to remind you that the first Tuesday in December is now #GivingTuesday. Perhaps you haven't and now you're wondering, "what is that and what's for sale?"  Nope, surprise, no sale.  Instead, it's a national movement to remind us all that in this holiday season of thankfulness and giving, that we should concentrate a little on the giving of ourselves and sharing of our blessings, not just buying widgets on sale and wrapping them in shiny paper (though, of course, that is lots of fun.)

On this #GivingTuesday, hopefully, you will be inspired to take inventory of all that you have that you can offer to another person or to your community or a special cause. Write a check to your favorite charity, take food to a food pantry, cook a meal at a shelter, read to children at the hospital, give the waitress at dinner a little extra tip, help an old lady with her packages. I don't know - what've you go to give? We all have something to share.

And, I don't want to push you too hard, or maybe, maybe I do. After you think about what you will do on this #GivingTuesday in December, don't forget about  Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.... and January, February, March.... There is always someone in need. The family that is picking up food from the food pantry this month may be fine come January, but unfortunately, there will be another taking their place in line. Sadly, little kids will still be sick at the hospital, your favorite charity will still be in need.  During this month of feeling good, we give so much that pantries and closets and volunteer rosters often find themselves overflowing.  Remember, to fill these cups through out the year.

Make your commitment to give not just now, but in a month or two or nine when we've all returned to our normal lives.  During your Christmas shopping, pick up gloves, socks, and scarves to donate to a shelter in January.  Make a note to provide Easter baskets to your local children's hospital (of course, check with them first.)  Volunteer at a food kitchen on a random day in the spring.  Write yourself a note on your June calendar to donate sunscreen and hats to a local summer camp for underprivileged children.  Make plans to volunteer for a voters registration drive next fall. 

Not sure what you have to give?  As the Little Drummer Boy realized in the children's Christmas song, we all have something to give. Give the best of yourself.

Happy Giving!

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Are you part of the 80% or 20%? #GivingTuesday

What will you give on #GivingTuesday?

I am what some have termed a “professional volunteer.” I’m an active PTA mom, I help out with the summer swim team, I’m a Girl Scout troop leader, I crochet scarves for homeless women, I assist with my sorority conferences. Yes, I’m busy. But here’s the thing, between you and I, a quietly kept secret. I don’t volunteer for everything. There are some “signup to volunteer” messages that I hit “delete.” Guiltily so, but I do.

I believe in the 80/20 rule. I accept it – 80% of the work is done by 20% of the people.  I know that often, I am part of the 20%.  I’m now telling myself that I don’t always have to be part of 20%, sometimes I can be part of the crowd of folks that sits back and enjoys the fruits of everyone else’s volunteer efforts.  That’s fair, right?

I’ve never heard of the 100/100 rule, meaning that all of the work is shared equally among all of the people. In fact, I’ve never been involved in an organization where that has been true. Never.  I will thus conclude that this is an improbability of human nature.

Instead, I think that everybody can do something. I have friends who pay their PTA dues and then leave everything else to people like me.  And in turn, I do nothing more than show up and cheer at my daughter’s basketball games, while other parents man the clock and keep the statistics and blow up basketballs.  I manage the ticket sales of our sorority’s fundraising event to support our scholarship program, but I don’t tutor at the high school.  This balance seems fair in the overall cosmos of volunteering, right?

No-one should be dragged into volunteering.  It’s like the Bible says about tithing, you should do it willingly and happily, not grudgingly.  You should consider what you have to offer and where you can make a contribution.  We all do have something to offer, we all can make a difference, we all have value.  And there’s the perfect spot for everyone to share their gifts.  If we each give somewhere, then we all can rest sometine, too.  If we all take turns being part of the 20%, 100% of the work will get done.

What will you give?

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Community Service - It's a Family Affair

As a graduation requirement in our state, students have to complete 75 Student Service Learning Hours.  The purpose, as I understand it, is to instill the concept of giving back and being a positive part of one’s community. Although they do earn a few credits for certain classes (still not sure which those are or why), most of the hours have to be earned doing some type of community service during middle and high school.

I’m proud to say Elle is about 3 hours short of completing her requirement and she’s only in the ninth grade.  She actually would be finished, but her unorganization and forgetfulness has left a few reporting sheets under her bed or jammed in her backpack past the due date.  Breeze is intent on finishing her’s before the end of middle school.  With about 40 hours, I think she’s on track to meet her goal.

Many of the hours, they’ve done together or with me.  I believe that giving doesn’t have to be a solo activity and many of us enjoy working with friends and family for these kinds of activities. For the past few elections, they’ve volunteered as helpers at the polling sites – putting up signs, helping set up the site, handing out “I Voted” stickers, and even holding the place for older and pregnant voters when the lines got long.  They’ve also helped coach little kids tennis camps and cleaned up their school.

As a regular holiday event, their schools have canned food drives and a couple of times, their Girl Scout troops have collected cans, too.  I wanted them to see how great the need was and how their cans contribute to the effort of feeding families in our community.  Last month, we volunteered at the Manna Food Center to pack boxes of non-perishable items for distribution (which also lead into a discussion about "manna.")

   

For about two hours, we packed cans of vegetables, boxes of pasta, bags of beans, and snacks into almost 150 boxes.  It was nice to watch the kids try to (quickly) pack their boxes thoughtfully: “if we gave them spaghetti, shouldn’t they get the jar of sauce, too?”  “We gave them a can of lima beans, they deserve the box of Oreos.”

I actually thought they might complain a bit about toting around crates of canned food and walking back and forth across the warehouse. I was pleasantly surprised when they taped up their boxes and proudly stacked them on the crate. Then asked when we were coming back.  

We are still on the countdown to #GivingTuesday on Dec. 3.  How will you give?

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Let Me Be Nice How I Want to Be Nice

Today was Kindness Day and I really did try to be kind, but some folks wouldn't let me. Not in the way I wanted to anyway.

This is my week in the school book fair, as I mentioned yesterday, offering some parent tips for the kids' literary shopping sprees.  Today, a little girl came to the book fair and was so sad that (a) we were out of the diary-style book she wanted and (b) she didn't have enough money for a book anyway.  Then she got all "I thought this would be the year I got a book" and I felt like I was in a scene from the A Christmas Carol.  I told her to pick any book - any chapter book / book with paragraphs and bring it to me.  She cried, no, no, she didn't want that, she wanted the diary book and no other book would do.  Well, given (a) and (b) above, that wasn't going to happen.  Again, I offered (c) get a book to read.  No, there was no other books on all the shelves that she liked, but these light-up pens would do.  I sent her on back to class, empty-handed.

Yeah, I applied my own values on this kid via my wanna-be charitable effort.  I like reading books and that's all I was willing to give.

When you give - whether to charity, your church (or other religious institution), or the guy standing on the street corner - do you have stipulations on how your money should be used?  Although I felt bad for the little girl, I figured, if I'm going to get this book for you, it's going to be what I want you to have.  Right?  I know I'm not the only one, because I've heard people say that they would buy a homeless man a sandwich, but not give him $5.  Why? Because, they want to give a sandwich, not money to do with however he pleases (i.e. like buy a bottle of ripple).  And not just individuals, we do this to organizations, too.  We do this in church, not giving to the building fund until we see some bricks stacked up by the pulpit.  We earmark our alumni donations to our college or our favorite sport (in a winning season).  We figure its our's to give, we'll give as we want.

Is that the right way to give? Or once we deem a person, organization, or cause to be in need of our help, should we just give freely, without stipulation?

We're counting down to #GivingTuesday and reflecting on how we do and can give back to our community.  Let us know in the Comments below. 

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If You Send a Kid to the Book Fair...

Today, I’m writing from my kids’ PTA book fair. It’s where I’ve been for the past 4 days, where I’ll be tomorrow. It’s my annual big haul volunteering activity – getting in a good 30+ hours in one big chunk. Then I don’t feel guilty for not making pumpkins at Halloween or helping cut hearts on Valentine’s Day.

Enter our "Oasis of Reading."
Yes, it took all of my art skills to make the palm tree in the desert.

Over the period of these five days, we’ll have about 400 kids come through, looking at books and making their wish lists.  Some portion of the kids will come back and purchase the books on their wish list, or books and items that are not.  For those parents sending in money for these purchases, here’s a few tips from my side of the cash register to make sure your kid is coming home with what you expect.

• Review the titles of your child’s selections. Look at the book flyer or the online site, if these are available; ask your child what the books are, if not.  Many children come in with their money and buy diaries and stationary sets. That’s fine and fun – unless you intended them to come home with something to read. There are also often adult bestsellers. Not 50 Shades, but maybe a Jodi Piccoult book for the parents and teachers who wander through.  Some of them have pretty covers and interesting titles, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you want your fourth-grader reading it.

• If you are sending a check, do send it payable to the school, PTA, or appropriate organization. Reconsider sending a blank check with your six-year old.

• If you are sending cash, do send a moderate amount, somewhere close to the amount of their books. I can’t tell you how many kids come in with a $50 bill, purchase a $4.99 book and leave with $45 cash in their backpack. If you’re okay with that, that’s fine. Me? It makes me nervous.

• Be clear with your child how they are to spend their money.  Are they supposed to spend it all on fun stuff like googly-eye pens and scented erasers or maybe buy a book?  Yes, you would think that if you give your kid $20, they would figure out that you expect them to come home with at least one book from the book fair. But yes, some kids will spend it all on posters, gigantic pencils, and chocolate calculators.

• Encourage your kid to read! It’s amazing how excited the kids are when they come in the book fair. Even if you think your kid doesn’t like to read, in running the book fair for at least 4 years now, I can say there’s not been a kid who has come in and not smiled a little bit at the idea of getting a book all his own.  When they bring that new book home – whether a chapter book, graphic novel, blank diary – encourage them to read it or write in it or write something like it.  Keep the excitement going. 

Enjoy the book fair!

We're counting down to #GivingTuesday and reflecting on how we do and can give back to our community.  If you are a parent, how do you support your schools?  Let us know in the Comments below. 

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#GivingTuesday - What Shall I Give?

I caught on to the idea of #GivingTuesday too late last year - maybe on Monday, still full on sweet potato pie and lazy from hanging around the house all weekend.

Having missed it in it's inaugural year, I was excited a couple weeks ago when I got an invitation to be a social media ambassador for this movement to encourage people to give back to their community.  After we enjoy the turkey, spend all our money on Black Friday, over the weekend, and on Cyber Monday, what's there to do next?  Give!  Now that I'm in it, I'll be honest with you and say I need to think of what my giving will be.

Don't get me wrong. I volunteer and donate to my community all year long. Whether through the PTA or my church or alumni association or sorority, or just helping the kids gather cans for the local canned food drive, I try to do my part.  But for this #GivingTuesday, it should be something specific, right? Something on Tuesday, Dec. 3.

While I think, you can check out more about it on the website - #GivingTuesday. If you decide to participate, let me know in the comments below.  Or if you have a suggestion for me, tell me that below, too!

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