5 Reasons to Encourage Girls about Diet and Exercise

Girls aren’t supposed to want to be pretty and attractive. At least that’s the new message that seems to be out.  There's a hashtag movement to shy away from telling our girls that they are pretty, only smart - but why not both?  There’s a social message that we don't want our girls to think that exercising is for our own self-image, but only strictly to be healthy and because we enjoy it. More girl-focused campaigns are trying to downplay the truth of wanting to look good and be attractive.  And yes, as a woman and mom of three beautiful girls, I get that there's a lot of over-sexualization in girl-targeted ads and media and clothing; trust me, I struggle with that when clothes shopping, pushing my girls past the make-up counter and push-up bras in the junior sections.  But part of teaching them to walk past all of that superficial-ness and not be too grown, is to teach them to love their own image.

I workout, in a good week, three to four times.  Running, swimming, weightlifting, playing tennis – some combination of those.  And in a real good week, I limit the amount of ice cream and chocolate cake I eat to only 1 or 2 servings.  Like most women, I have a goal weight and a preferred dress size.

This all goes hand-in-hand, doesn’t it?  Exercise, diet, body size. Along with body image and satisfaction with that image. It's an important balance, aligning a workout schedule, a proper diet, and a reasonable desired body image.

So, it's not a secret that I workout and sometimes watch what I eat, partly (mainly) because of self-image. My daughters (and my son, too) know that I try to balance all of this to look how I want to look, or at least something close to it.  And here's why I've never really thought of this as something to deny because there’s a few things I want my kids to understand.

Physical fitness and good health is a choice. Exercise is something that fits into a lifestyle, it’s not just about going to the gym at a scheduled time to jump around, especially for children.  We can decide to sit on the couch and watch TV for 10 hours a day or go out and ride bikes or run around with the dog and be active.  It’s a choice and that choice will affect your health.

Your diet is a choice. And I don’t mean diet as in the all-grapefruit kind of diet, but “diet” in the sense of everything you eat.  We can eat pizza and fries for breakfast, lunch, and dinner 7 days a week (not good) or for one meal of the week, balanced with a salad and fruit, and other healthy meals.  We can’t eat ice cream three times every day, but we can enjoy a sweet scoop on a Saturday afternoon.  We can always enjoy the good things in life.

You should love who you are and what you look like.  There is nothing wrong with looking at yourself in the mirror and liking what you see.  There is also nothing wrong with wanting to be a better you and figuring out how to be that better self.  With proper nurturing and encouragement, that can result into healthier eating and exercise rather than quick weight-reduction tactics, starving oneself, and artificial beauty.  Maybe it will translate into appreciating their intelligence and talents, building their confidence.  We want our children to love their own natural selves.

You have some control over your life and your health.  Granted, there are some health-issues that we have no control over.  But the complications of being over-weight and not having a proper diet – that is within our own decision making power.  Along with that, hopefully the kids will begin to understand that who they are as people is also up to them – how they act, how they present themselves, what they become.  They have to decide who they want to be and be proud of that person.

It’s all about balance and moderation. Yes, you can exercise too little, as well as too much. You can overeat, undereat, consume the proper amount of calories but they might not be all “healthy.” It’s not about being rail thin to show off your ribs, but being a good correlation of height (which you can’t control) and weight (which you can) and eventually, age.  Like a lot of things in life, you have to find the proper balance of “enough” and moderate your intake and output.

And I will admit, it is a fine line between making children conscious of a healthy body size and being overly concerned about it, but that’s all part of the learning process – for all of us.

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Stop Telling the Kids They Can Do Anything

Maybe we should stop giving our kids the “you can do anything you want to do” speech and actually help them figure out what it is they want to do.

This season, I’m coaching for a girls running program held after-school at the elementary school. The ultimate goal is to run a 5K later this fall.  In addition to the physical activity and training, it’s also a personal development program.  In many of the lessons, we’ve said “tell me something positive about yourself.”  And no less than half say something like “I can do it” or “I can do anything.”  We’ve gotten an “I am better than everyone else.”  We might even get an “I can accomplish any goal.”  And they are cheerful and expressive, too. Raising their hands and saying this so loud and proud.  This all sounds good, right? I mean, we do want kids to feel like they can be successful.  But I’m not so sure they really know what that means or truly internalize that message.

Once they go through these wonderful platitudes, we push them a bit more with some more questions. Great, now tell me what you can do. What’s one of your goals?  The girls kinda look at each other, shrug, and say “uh uhh” in the way that kids answer most questions.

I’m not so sure you can do anything, I tell them. Can you fly to the moon? Can you drive a submarine?  Can you run 100 miles?  No, not today, huh? Alright, so let’s focus on something that you can and want to do.  No-one’s better than everyone else in everything.  There’s always someone better, someone worse, and much room for improvement.  Tell me one thing you do well.

What can you do, be more specific than “anything.”  Shrug, mumble.  Can you bake cookies, are you a good student, do you help your parents?  The girls will think and eventually come up with something they believe they do well, or at least something they would like to do well. Alright, now we’re getting somewhere.

The other day, when we got out to do our mile run/walk, one girl got a few yards from the school, frowned and said she didn’t think she could make it.  What? What about our goals?  Is completing this 5K one of your goals? The shrug, the mumble.  What are your goals, then? The shrug, the mumble.  What if we make running to the corner one of our goals for right now?  Let’s go.  And we started running to the corner.  Alright, so you can accomplish your goals. What’s our next one?

Does this seem harsh?  I don’t think so.  In an effort to make sure our kids have such high self-esteem, we’ve filled their heads with these airy, flitty little banners of confidence without any substance.

I do believe kids should have long-term goals.  But not just “oh I’m gonna do something one day.”  Doctor, President of the United States, Olympic athlete – yes, go for it. But let’s set up some benchmarks along the way.  We’ve got to teach them the stuff that they can actually do right now, the milestones they can strive for right now.   If we want them to have goals and have confidence, we have to help them figure out what those goals actually are and what to be confident about.  We have to teach them how to reach goals.  It wouldn’t be a bad lesson for us adults, too.

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Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful

I've never been in a fist fight. Though I have been invited to participate in a few, mostly in high school, I politely declined, offering to allow my male friends and neighbors to take my place.

What was the impetus for these invitations? It usually started something like this: "Look at her. She think she's cute. Always wearin' a ponytail." Yes, I had long hair, generally attributed to my DNA. And for style and function, it was often in a ponytail. And for that reason, a number of girls who did not have the same genetic, stylistic, or functional option would invite me to get off on a particular bus-stop or meet them in the chorus room. Without any scientific evidence, I would imagine that the majority of female-centered altercations begin in a similar manner.

At a young age, I came to understand that such invitations actually were not about me, but instead about the other girl's battles with her own self image. At my more advanced age, I now understand that, unfortunately, some women haven't moved past that battle with their own self image.

Keri Hilson's "Pretty Girl Rock" should be a regular feature on our internal soundtrack, ready to play whenever someone looks us up and down and rolls their eyes. (Girls, you know the look.) I don't think you should be conceited, in fact, I've never identified myself as "beautiful" in any serious way. But I'm confident enough that on a good day, with the perfect level of humidity, just the right shade of lipstick, and a good pair of shoes, I actually think I look kinda nice. Shouldn't every woman be at least that confident? We should all be secure about our beauty, our strengths, our identity so that we do not have to resort to ugliness towards others.

In saying "don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful", it's actually "don't hate me 'cause you don't think you are beautiful". It's the realization that the rolled eyes have nothing to do with the me, but with the other person.

I try to instill a love for self in all my children, but I especially encourage my daughters to love their curly hair, their too long legs, their braced teeth. I know that at some point in their lives, there will be some girl who invites them to get off the bus. When that moment comes, they need to love themselves enough to decline the offer and save their beautiful selves for an invitation to something more fun.