Currently… Thinking I Need a Wife

I have said a multitude of times, that I need a wife. Someone to clean up after me, make me hot tea when I’ve got a cold, keep up with my laundry, make sure my annual gyn and mammogram appointments are made, and since I like to cook, she would only have to wash the dishes.  If I had a wife, that’s what she would do.  But one thing she wouldn’t be is… me. Because I’ve already got me and things don’t always work out so well.  I fall asleep before making tea, put off housecleaning to read a book, and am months behind on all doctor’s appointments.  So it’s with interest that I read this article about the woman who recently married herself.  And based on a bunch of other articles that popped up about others who have done the same thing, I guess this is a new thing.  (I haven’t seen any mention of guys doing the same, so I guess none has decided he needs a husband.)

I get self-love and being committed to your own happiness.  I’m not so sure I understand the point of the ceremony.  And I do wonder, if taking yourself for your own bride might be blocking some energy of someone else who may wish to take you as their bride.  I mean, do you tell people you are married to yourself? Would it be disloyal to yourself if Mr. Right does come along and you decide to marry him? Many questions come to mind.  But I do know this: if I was to marry myself, it would be on a beach in the Caribbean or South Pacific and I’d stay for the honeymoon. I think I deserve a great honeymoon.

Other than contemplating marriage, here’s what else I’m currently up to.

5 Lessons from Rubber-band Bracelets

How's the new year been so far?  Hopefully, you've been successful in sticking with your New Year's resolutions.  Me? I'm looking around my house for what might be the next million dollar idea.  I'm inspired by my new bracelets, courtesy of my youngest daughter. 

Rubber-band jewelry - why didn't I think of this?!

She spent hours and hours of her Christmas break making these rubber band bracelets.  She made them by hand, literally - wrapping them around her two little fingers and weaving them together with her other little fingers. She got one of the looms from her aunt for Christmas, but she's still figuring that out.   It's amazing to me how this loom and the accompanying little teeny rubber bands have taken off and grown into an "undisclosed amount" (i.e. a bazillion dollars) of sales.  And it all started in a guy's basement, as he messed around with rubbery patterns, bugging his wife to let him sink their whole life savings into this great idea he had (you can read more in this Entrepreneur article.)

The success of the Rainbow Loom highlights a few lessons for all of us as we consider sticking with our resolutions, or not.  Here's five.

Look close - the answer is probably right in front of you.  When my daughter ran out of the rubber bands that were especially colored and packaged for this craft, you know what she used?  The little teeny bands I use for the ends of her hair.  I was sitting on a gold mine and didn't even know it!  Many of us are looking for something - an adventure of some sort because that's so exciting. But the Good Witch told us long ago - we've had it all along.  You can go back to school or be a better mother, the will and determination to do better is inside of you. Look for it.

Prove your idea to the people who love you, then ask for their support.  We want, no, we need, our loved ones' support of our dreams and our hopes. But we've got to let them know we're serious.  Don't go to your spouse or friends with a half-baked idea, then get mad when they won't turn over all their pennies to you.  You want your family to believe you are working to lose weight?  Put down the cookies and get to the gym, then they'll stop offering you pie.

Be dedicated for the long-term. As they say, an overnight success takes a long time.  We hear the encapsulated version of people's success.  "This dude, he figured out how to make bracelets out of rubberbands and just like that, he's selling millions at Michael's." That "overnight" took 3 years.  In the meantime, he was packaging and selling his product himself, with the help of his wife and kids and family, working out of his basement.   I read somewhere that 80% of people give up their new year's resolutions by January 8.  What, that's a week in?  How can you quit on a 365 day promise 8 days in?  Be thoughtful and realistic, and stick with your plan.

You're going to stumble. Get up and keep moving.   Remember when you learned to ride a bike or roller skate?  I bet you fell a few times. And you handled it one of two ways. 1 - You checked the rip in the knee of your jeans, wiped the little pebbles off your palms, and rolled away again. And today you can jump on a bike and go for a breezy ride whenever you'd like. Or 2 - You cried because you scraped your knee, bandaged up your palms, and went inside to watch TV.  And you get left behind when your friends suggest a bike ride and you don't know how to teach your kids to ride their bike, either.  How will you handle you're next fall?

Realize there will be an end and plan for the next step.  Rubber-band bracelets? They're a fad. A lucrative one, but still a fad.  Eventually, kids will get pains of carpal tunnel, moms will tire of vacuuming up rubber bands, and we'll all move on to some other amazing, how-did-that-become-so-popular thing.  What will happen to the inventor then? I would imagine that he's saving and making a plan for that time. What will you do when you've lost the weight, ran the marathon, read 35 books, climbed Mt. Everest? What will be your next step? What will you do to sustain yourself after you've reached your goal?

We use different terms - resolutions, goals, vision boards, improvements, dreams - to identify the things we want to do to be a better us.  But one things similar - it all requires hard work to make them reality.  What are you working towards?  Feel free to answer in the comments.  I'm going figure out what million dollar idea I can come up with using the bread ties and chopsticks in the kitchen.

(I'm collecting ideas for weaving these things for my kids.  See them on my "bored kids" Pinterest board and let me know of any other cool ones to keep them busy.)

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Stop Telling the Kids They Can Do Anything

Maybe we should stop giving our kids the “you can do anything you want to do” speech and actually help them figure out what it is they want to do.

This season, I’m coaching for a girls running program held after-school at the elementary school. The ultimate goal is to run a 5K later this fall.  In addition to the physical activity and training, it’s also a personal development program.  In many of the lessons, we’ve said “tell me something positive about yourself.”  And no less than half say something like “I can do it” or “I can do anything.”  We’ve gotten an “I am better than everyone else.”  We might even get an “I can accomplish any goal.”  And they are cheerful and expressive, too. Raising their hands and saying this so loud and proud.  This all sounds good, right? I mean, we do want kids to feel like they can be successful.  But I’m not so sure they really know what that means or truly internalize that message.

Once they go through these wonderful platitudes, we push them a bit more with some more questions. Great, now tell me what you can do. What’s one of your goals?  The girls kinda look at each other, shrug, and say “uh uhh” in the way that kids answer most questions.

I’m not so sure you can do anything, I tell them. Can you fly to the moon? Can you drive a submarine?  Can you run 100 miles?  No, not today, huh? Alright, so let’s focus on something that you can and want to do.  No-one’s better than everyone else in everything.  There’s always someone better, someone worse, and much room for improvement.  Tell me one thing you do well.

What can you do, be more specific than “anything.”  Shrug, mumble.  Can you bake cookies, are you a good student, do you help your parents?  The girls will think and eventually come up with something they believe they do well, or at least something they would like to do well. Alright, now we’re getting somewhere.

The other day, when we got out to do our mile run/walk, one girl got a few yards from the school, frowned and said she didn’t think she could make it.  What? What about our goals?  Is completing this 5K one of your goals? The shrug, the mumble.  What are your goals, then? The shrug, the mumble.  What if we make running to the corner one of our goals for right now?  Let’s go.  And we started running to the corner.  Alright, so you can accomplish your goals. What’s our next one?

Does this seem harsh?  I don’t think so.  In an effort to make sure our kids have such high self-esteem, we’ve filled their heads with these airy, flitty little banners of confidence without any substance.

I do believe kids should have long-term goals.  But not just “oh I’m gonna do something one day.”  Doctor, President of the United States, Olympic athlete – yes, go for it. But let’s set up some benchmarks along the way.  We’ve got to teach them the stuff that they can actually do right now, the milestones they can strive for right now.   If we want them to have goals and have confidence, we have to help them figure out what those goals actually are and what to be confident about.  We have to teach them how to reach goals.  It wouldn’t be a bad lesson for us adults, too.

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Swim! And Reach Your Goals

Did you wake up this morning inspired to swim across a shark and jellyfish filled, salty, wavy, cold ocean for 50-plus hours?  What, you didn’t?  But didn’t you hear about Diana Nyad who broke an open water swimming record by swimming from Cuba to Key West this weekend – 64 years old, 110 miles, 53 hours, no shark cage.  Come on, you’ve got to want to try it, just a little bit.

What makes people do stuff like this? What is it in the human mind that says, “Hey, that thing looks crazy impossible. I’m gonna do that.” People who climb frozen mountains, sail around the world on a raft, jump out of perfectly good airplanes, fight lions in the wild. Dare to go beyond. Compete in a triathlon, raise a bunch of kids, write a novel.

The goal is all relative isn’t it? What’s easy for you may be impossible to me, and vice versa.  I have friends who are training for marathons, I’d like to get a really good 5K time.  Some of you are trying to lose 10 pounds, others are working on 100.  Graduate high school or finish your PhD. I guess it’s just something in the human spirit that encourages us to push ourselves a little harder, to set the finish line a little further.

But one thing that really amazed me about Ms. Nyad's swim? This was her fifth attempt, the first was in 1978.  This woman is 64 years old!  I remember when she tried this last year – then she also went without a shark cage – which, from my understanding of the description is a huge cage that the swimmer swims in and floats along with them, to keep sharks away – but unfortunately, she was taken out by jellyfish. Right. I think about sharks and jellyfish swims when I wade into the ocean for a beach afternoon. Even contemplating dealing with the threat of them for 100-plus miles?  No, I’m sorry, not the threat – the actual existence – there were divers and kayakers to keep them away from her.

Despite past failures, near-death circumstances, the mental defeat she had to experience, the physical pain and exhaustion - this woman came back and did it again!  And even with the great possibility of failing again, she still pulled on her wetsuit and hopped in the Cuban waters, again.

How many times have we let failures make us quit?  How often do we let just the thought that we might fail, all the things that could trip us up, keep us from even trying?  What is the ocean we are trying to swim across and what sharks are there lurking?  How will we prepare for the journey, how will protect ourselves from the sharp teeth?

And how will we celebrate when we reach the finish?

Congratulations to Ms. Nyad and everyone else swimming towards their goals.

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See Your Goals with Vision Boards

What is one of your goals?  Is it to lose weight?  Change your career? Climb Mt. Everest?  Learn to cook?  Big or small, we all have something we want to do.  The hurdle is always how do you motivate yourself to do it.  For some folks, a visual reminder is an asset. Perhaps a note on the fridge not to get another scoop of ice cream or a poster of the Grand Canyon encouraging you to persevere.  A more personal poster may be even more effective.

So suggests Cylia Lowe who uses vision boards to inspire herself towards her goals and has started a business to encourage others to do the same, From Theory to Practice, LLC. 

Cylia with one of her Vision Boards

Based on what Cylia learned about the law of attraction and vision boards from the DVD, “The Secret”, she realized that the boards were similar to the collages she made in her late teens/early 20’s.  She did more research and began setting more goals related to weight loss and her career.

Cylia says, “The purpose of vision board is to give you a visual representation of the things you would like to see happen to you. It is an opportunity to get clear about what those things are. Many times we float through life without really thinking about what we want but creating a vision board gives you time to think about your dreams and put them to paper.”

Her preferred method for making boards and the way she leads participants in her workshops is to create them with a poster board, glue sticks, and your favorite magazines.  However she encourages that people should do what feels right for them and put them where you can see it – in your home, in your office.  She has them in several places including online in PowerPoint format – a great idea for our mobile culture.  They can be updated whenever you feel the need.  She does them when she feels she is “in a new space and its a good place to create new goals. Something like a relations vision board I do every few months, health and fitness almost monthly, career annually.”

Of course, I wanted to know a “success story”.  When did she make a board and see the pictures come true in her own life?

In 2009, I had already started losing weight, about 30 pounds by the summer, and I was starting to work with my personal trainer Charles "Chizel It" Harris. I shared my goals about weight loss and participating in a triathlon with him and he said, “Let's do it!”  Later that month, I found out my sorority sister had cancer. Totally shocking as she was barely 30 years old and it was the first time I truly felt helpless. Another sorority sister recently completed a marathon with Team in Training, an organization that raises funds for cancer research.  I found a picture of a woman in a Team in Training outfit with her hands raised at the finish line and I put it on my board.  Another item on the board was a declaration that I would lose 10 pounds in a month and I also had a magazine with my face on the cover. I joined TnT, raised over $2,000 in honor of my sorority sister, and completed the Iron Girl Triathlon - the final picture of me crossing the finish line was with my hands over my head.  A few weeks later, shortly after the triathlon, my friend called to tell me she was cancer free!  As for weight loss, I lost more like 7 pounds that month, but in 18 months I lost over 100 pounds. I didn’t make a cover but I was featured in March 2010 Fitness magazine!

I’ve been inspired by Cylia’s ideas.  But I’m also somewhat of a procrastinator of projects, so I’ve modified her boards a bit to fit my style.  For instance, on the wall facing my treadmill in the basement, I have hung a couple of my previous 5K runner bibs – it reminds me that I can run that far, so go ahead and finish my work out.  Near my yarn basket, I post photos of projects I’d like to make – to inspire my creativity in crochet and to encourage me to learn to knit.  I’m thinking of other ways to post my goals as constant encouragement, whether on one board or several many “boards” where I can see them every day.

What do you think about vision boards?  If you’ve done any – or are inspired to create one – post on my FaceBook page to share.

Running A Marathon A Month

I just finished my marathon for January.  I've been having some aches in my heel and leg lately, so it took a little bit longer than usual.  It took 14 days, about 7 1/2 hours total.  

Hitting the finish line in Annapolis

In past months, I have been down to 13 days; getting to 11 days would be great.  In hours, I'm off of a record time by about 5 hours.  The Women's marathon record was set in 2003 - 2 hours, 15 minutes on one day at the London Marathon.  Granted, the record-holder and most marathoners run the race all at one time, but I figure 26.2 miles is 26.2 miles anyway you put it together so I've allowed myself a month.  Why rush?

I've started running 5Ks (all 5 of the Ks sequentially) and wanted to challenge myself to get in more running - for the races, for general physical fitness, to combat all the M&Ms and chocolate cake I consume.  In an online fitness group, I noticed a few of the runners planning for marathons, so many per year or collecting a race from every state - some kind of goal like that.  I decided I would do that, too - a marathon per month.

At first, it sounded like an easy enough challenge - surely, I do that with my "run 3 times per week" plan.  In the first month I kept track, I realized that not only did I not run a dozen times, I didn't come close to 26 miles.  The problem with the "3 times per week" plan?  If I get busy at the beginning of the week and don't run until Friday, I figured what's the point of running on Saturday?  In this structure, there was no way to catch up.  Additionally, "run" was not defined.  Did that mean a 15-minute mile for 15 minutes or a 10-minute mile for an hour?  I could basically make anything count.

  

The goal-setting experts suggest you make your goals structured, achievable, and measurable.  For instance, "I'm gonna run" is not a goal.  (Neither, by the way, is "I'm going to eat better," "One day I'm going back to school," or "I'll get right before Jesus comes.")  But, "I'm going to run 26.2 miles within 30 days" is.

Marathon-length is definitely measurable, and within 30 days was achievable.  At the end of the month, there's no question whether I met my goal or not - I either made it 26.2m or I didn't.  I keep track every time I  get on the treadmill, run around the track or down the street.  As they say, "what gets measured, gets done."

Because I count all the pieces of the miles, I've found ways to fit it into my schedule.  When I feel like I don't have time to exercise, I remind myself that I could easily trade some other mindless, unproductive task and run a mile.  On days I'd rather sit and do nothing, I've run down the street.  While my kids are at sports lessons at the gym or at chorus practice at school, instead of waiting around eating chips, I've run.  I count every mile, half mile, every tenth.  I also try to improve my pace so that I'm pushing myself to get better.

Running has lead me to some interesting experiences and something I've rarely ever done - running and exercising on vacation (even before the marathon goal)!  Crazy, right?  In totaling up my miles, I've run on both coasts - across the Golden Gate Bridge, up the hills of San Francisco, and along the beach of Maryland's Eastern Shore.  And I can even count some European miles - past Big Ben and along a Spanish nude beach (ha ha!)  What a great way to sight-see!

My normal runs, however allow me about 20-30 minutes a day in which I cannot multi-task, cannot answer emails or fold laundry, cannot talk on the phone.  In other words - a few minutes to focus solely on me and the task at hand.  I can actually think.  Wow.  That in itself is a good goal.

What goals have you set for yourself?  What "marathon" do you want to finish?

My birthday list

My birthday has come and gone. My husband, sister-in-law’s, and my birthday are within a week of each other, so each year, we have a week bookended by birthday celebrations, with Christmas in between. This year, we threw ourselves a party with a bunch of friends and had a great time. Now that most of the cake has been eaten and the house is starting to resemble its pre-party, household of six self again, I’m looking at my list for this year.

Here’s some of the things I managed to check off:

· Say “no!” – yeah, that’s a big one. I admit I didn’t say it all the time, but I think enough so that I’m not totally jam-packed with other folks priorities.

· Visit 4 states with the family – this took the shape of a 2-week, 1700 mile road trip with the kids this summer that took us through Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia.

· Get to a size * and !!! pounds – I am wearing the size that I want and on a good day, I am actually the weight on my driver’s license.

· Read 10 good books – I’ve lost track of how many, but I have read some good ones. A few of my favorites this year: Little Bee, Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society, The Help, Girl With the Dragon Tattoo & Girl Who Played with Fire, and Mermaid Sister (this is a children’s book but after reading it no less than 100 times, I’m adding it my list).

· Wear a bikini – related to weight/size goal as much as confidence in body image. And realizing that at my age and after 4 children, this is about the best we can hope for.

· Finish my tenure as PTA President – if you’ve ever been PTA President, you understand. Though I’ve moved on to County PTA and its like jumping from the pan to the fire.

Here’s some of the things to move to next year’s list:

· Finish reading the entire Bible – I didn’t get anywhere near done, in fact, I’m still in the Old Testament.

· Learn to knit – Its not that I don’t have the ability to knit, but I don’t have the patience to learn to do it well. By the time I knit a square, I could be done crocheting a sweater.

· Send birthday cards on time – I did pretty good this year, I think.

· Bake more cookies & cakes – my husband doesn’t think this is possible, but I’m going to try.

· Become a volunteer at the National Zoo – I particularly want to work in the Ape House.

And the best one:

Make it to my next birthday! This had nothing to do with my ability or determination, but all to do with God’s grace and omnipotence, and for that, I’m eternally blessed.

Happy birthday – whether you celebrate your birthday or not, with a party or a cupcake and a candle, with friends or by yourself – I hope that you honor another year of life and all the possibilities it holds.