What to Get Your Wife / Mother of Your Children for Christmas

It’s a week before Christmas. If your husband is like mine, he has not yet begun to even think about your Christmas gift, let alone panic about it. But you want him to start thinking about it because, as much as you do need a new vacuum cleaner, you do not want to find one under your Christmas tree. Or a shower gel and lotion set which is not in any scent that you want to smell like all day.

The hard part about shopping for your spouse, is that as grown-ups you each have access to money and usually, you are sharing, in some way, the same pot of money. Buying the other person is just a shift of who is doing the spending.  So the gift really has to be about some thoughtfulness, its more than the actual dollars spent.

I asked a bunch of friends for ideas and have rounded up some ideas here. Make it easy for the folks who love you – print this list and hand it to them or forward the blog post, and sit back and prepare to be delighted.

Gift Lists for Husbands: What to Get Your Wife / the Mother of your children

Something a little extravagant. As responsible folks, you may be on a household budget or at least have limits to what you think is reasonable spending. Splurge a little for your wife, get her something that she wouldn’t get for herself because of whatever money rules there are in your house. Maybe it’s that cashmere sweater, or a special thing for her hobby.  Say “you deserve a little extra” by being a little extravagant.

Time for herself. By herself or with friends. Although this may be the same for women without children, how they arrange their schedule and commitments is different than a mom who has little people depending on her, so this one is especially for the moms.  One thing every mom I know talks about is not having time for herself, whether that’s to read, get a pedicure, wander through the farmer’s market – whatever.  Set a time and make a commitment, to take care of the kids –without you calling/texting asking a bunch of questions (including “what should we eat for lunch?”) so that she can go out and do whatever it is she enjoys doing by herself. And this is important – do not cancel!

Indulgent, self care (spa, hair, massage) appointments.  Don’t just get the spa giftcard, see my comment above of shifting the spending. Because once she has the giftcard, there’s still the issue of actually getting around to using it. Unfortunately, I’ve had several spa giftcards that have expired or after a year of being shifted around my desk, has gotten lost.  Instead, make her an appointment, or if she has a crazy schedule let her make it, then be absolutely, no questions asked be available to take care of the kids.

Housecleaning service. There is a feeling of accomplishment in cleaning the house. Standing back and looking at a gleaming floor and sparkly windows.  It can also be tiring, boring, redundant and a bit frustrating when you know that all is going to kaput! when everyone else gets back home. Let her enjoy a clean house without the effort by hiring a housecleaning service. One before or after the holidays is great, on a regular basis if you can swing it is even better.

Car detailing. Most (all?) moms that I know spend what seems like half their life in their cars. Driving, chauffeuring kids with their backpacks, snacks, spilled lunchboxes, dinner in between activities, pencils and crayons, changing clothes, library books and random kid miscellaneous. And remnants of all that are in the floor and between the seats of the car. And with all that driving and chaffeuring – who has time to clean the car?  Take the car for a couple hours, get it detailed, put in one of those delightful smell good things from Bath & Body Works and let her drive around in a clean car. At least until the kids climb in with some french fries.

A night away from home. Does she want you to go with her or does she want to go alone? Good question. Make two different reservations to be safe.  Its important as busy parents to have your away time, your “us” time to remember what it is that you love about each other, other than the ability to juggle homework, dinner, and a hairbrush all at the same time.  And its also important for her to have time to do the things she enjoys by herself. Or doing nothing. When was the last time she slept in, ordered breakfast in bed, and sat in bed in her pj’s all day reading a book or bingewatching movies? Priceless.

A day of rest.  Maybe the household budget doesn’t allow for a hotel stay or she’s a homebody, you can still gift her a day to herself to hang out in her pjs and enjoy breakfast while its still hot. But you and the kids must leave the house. Read that again. Suggesting that mom sleep in or lay in bed and read, while she hears the microwave beeping, the kids running through the house, and you catching up on the game is not restful. You and the kids must leave the house. Go to a movie, go to a park, go sit on the neighbor’s front steps. But you must leave.

That thing that she has dropped 100 hints about – pay attention. You keep seeing that ad for a Pandora bracelet on your kitchen counter? Is she trying to keep track of all her walking steps in her head?  She’s read every review for a new Broadway show?  Hint hint. This one’s easy dude. She’s left the breadcrumbs.

 Your continued prayers, undying love, unflinching commitment and a hug. Trust me. She’ll be eternally grateful.

Happy gifting!

(And do you need a “don’t buy this” list, too? Perhaps I shall prepare that too, just to be safe.)

7 Reasons Why I Stay Married

Are you married?  Then there have surely been days that you sat back, looked at your spouse and thought, “Now, why did I get married?”  Perhaps, it was when a single girlfriend told you about how she picked out big, flowery curtains that no man would ever have hanging in his house. Or maybe it was your divorced friend’s solo trip across Europe, going to, or not going to, any museum or church or store or restaurant they wished.  But on the other hand, think about how your single friends have to do everything on their own – from taking out the trash to putting up their own Christmas tree to trying to hang a picture level.

I’m married, been married for a long time. Long enough not to even remember being single.  And here’s a few of the reasons that I remind myself, why I enjoy being married.  (Apologies to any offended feminists.)

I don’t have to buy any electronic things or know how they exactly work.  This frees me from having to pay attention to whatever the latest gizmo is because my husband updates our e-stuff and i-inventory.  But there are some drawbacks. There have been times when my husband is traveling and the kids have gone to bed, that I read or clean the house. Not because I necessarily want to do these things, but because I don’t know how to work the TV. We’ve got so many video games and satellite boxes and computers and about five different remote controls, that one push of the wrong button, and I’m looking at a black screen.

I don’t kill bugs or spiders or collect the bewildered birds that smash into my front window.  Instead, I call my husband. If he’s not around, I call the other male in my house, my son, in preparation for his days years from now when he’s a husband.  Stinkbug or tarantula, it doesn’t matter.  I scream like there’s a giant octopus about to attack and wait for someone with a Y-chromosome to show up and save me.

I don’t change lightbulbs. That seems like something I should be able to do, but lightbulbs have gotten complicated.  Some of them are really high up, some are in special globe fixture things that require a screwdriver and three hands to dismantle. I’ve been picking out my clothes in the dark for about the past two weeks because the light in my closet blew out.

I don’t fix things.  Whether it’s an electronic glitch or a loose door knob, I leave those mechanical things to my husband.  Now, I will put together a bookcase or something from IKEA, because the directions, parts, and necessary tools are all in the box. But if it requires some kind of assessment of what tools are required and a trip to Home Depot, I’ll come up with some kind of McGyver-ed thing until the Mr. gets around to fixing it.

I don’t negotiate car repairs.  I will handle the emergency stuff, like a flat tire, by calling the highway auto repair folks or my husband. And once, when my car wouldn't go into Park (yes, it got stuck in Drive), I did drive myself to the car repair shop, yell out the window to the mechanic and jump out of the car. But other stuff – I let my husband handle the negotiations and discussions because I know the repair folks are going to think, “Ah ha, we can get over on this lady. She probably doesn’t even know the difference between a gasket and a piston.”  But my husband can use big, technical car words and does at least know where to find the engine, so I leave this in his domain.

I never have to finish the whole pint of ice cream by myself.  Okay, this one could go either way - bad or good, depending on how you look at it.

I don’t have to talk to myself (all the time). Okay, anyone who has a husband, probably feels like they are talking to themselves sometimes, and mine is really good for the “uh, huh, uh-huh, yeah” thing, totally not paying attention while I ramble on about PTA and trying to find a pair of green high heels and how the lightbulb is out in the refrigerator and I can’t set the ringer on my phone.  But when it comes to the important stuff – my hopes, my dreams, our family - he’s right there.  When it comes to the tough stuff - my faults, my mis-steps, the things that hurt my heart - he's right there.  Standing beside me, pushing me along, carrying me forward. He’s right there.  

Are you married? What's a good thing about your marriage? 
 

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