Life is Like a Black & White Milkshake

We’d like to think that life is like a sundae. Start with that base layer of a couple scoops of vanilla and chocolate. Go ahead, add a scoop of mocha almond fudge for some good flavor. Another scoop of Chunky Monkey because why not. A couple dollops of whipped cream and do not leave out the hot fudge. Crushed Oreos? Yeah, sure. I’ll go without the cherry, because I do not like those kinds of cherries, but you go for it if that’s your thing.  I’ll take some of those almond slivers though. Pass the spoon and a napkin, give me a little time, and we’ll get through this thing happily.

But really, it’s more like a milkshake. Start with that basic vanilla – ice cream and milk. If you change your mind and want a little something more flavorful, a black and white instead perhaps, you’ve got to pour out some of the vanilla and pour in chocolate, then mix it together. You might be able to pour in a shot of Kahlua (you do do that, right?)  You might even be able to get a little whipped cream on top.  But that’s about it. No crushed cookies, no almonds. No additional milkshake poured on top because it will overflow.  Because that will be a mess and will run all over the table and then you’ll have to clean it up and that won’t be fun. And if its like anything in my house, someone will drink your milkshake while you are cleaning off the table.

So that’s about how I’m feeling on life choices right now. I know – I come back after not writing for a couple weeks with this crazy food analogy. Because we all like food, especially ice cream. And because bad analogies make the world go ‘round.

I’ll be back, let's say next Friday, maybe with more bad food analogies.

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I Really Did Learn All I Needed In Kindergarten

This week is Teacher Appreciation Week. If you’ve got a kid in school, you probably couldn’t miss it, with all the hoopla about celebrating your kid’s teacher.  And, don’t get me wrong, it’s all well-deserved. I mean, sure, we parents got them through the ABCs and how to count to ten (and the over-achieving parents made it to 100) but spelling, explaining why “rough” and “through” do not rhyme, when to use a comma, carrying the 1 (though it’s not called that anymore) and long division?  And then the harder stuff like chemical equations, ancient world history, and math involving area under a curve?  Yeah, home-schooling is not an option for the sanity of this household.  Summer workbooks and homework is about our limit. So 

THANK YOU! to my kids’ teachers.

During this week, I came across my kindergarten report card. Wow. What a difference some years make in the expectations of our kids.  I actually was evaluated on properly using scissors and my ability to skip and hop.  These are such important skills for life!  I don’t hop much these days, but I might skip a little bit more than a woman my age is expected to and I definitely use scissors a lot.

Here’s a few other life lessons I learned in Kindergarten.

• I claim only my share of attention.  Obviously, I was in the pre-selfie and reality show generation.
• I enjoy books, stories, and poems. This has never changed, thank goodness.  As well, this is  crucial for a writer.
• I take care of my personal needs.  I need to do that a little bit more these days and make myself a priority.  Not all the time, but sometimes us moms need to remember to put ourselves first.
• I express myself with art materials.  The hundreds of skeins of yarn and shelves of craft materials is proof that’s still a key part of my life.
• I am courteous and considerate of others. I do my best.

On the explanation of the report card to parents, it notes that “kindergarten introduces [students] to school as a happy place.”  I know school has changed a lot since knowing your colors was considered an accomplishment for 5-year olds, but I do like to think that children can look to their school as their happy place. And thank you to the teachers that make it so.

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Lessons for My Daughters About #BreakingtheInternet

Many situations in life are what we call “teachable moments.”  They may be times when someone did really well, but sometimes (usually) the best lessons are from when something has gone wrong.

In the past week, there was one celebrity who tried to steal the internet spotlight by baring her a$$ on a magazine cover and everything else on the inside pages (although online, cover and inside pages don’t really matter, so we got a glimpse of it all, but anyway...)  Then, another who quietly donned a white jumpsuit and cape, had her husband-to-be suit up in white, and rode two white bikes to their wedding – and the pictures took the internet by a tidal wave.  Teachable moments.

So what can we teach our daughters from these two examples of womanhood?

Overt, aggressive, look-at-me, love-me self-promotion doesn’t always work out so well.  People don’t like being forced to look at you and give you compliments.  Have you noticed whenever a person or even business entity attempts the “make a meme of me” campaign, it usually backfires? A haughty “break the internet” push actually comes off as a little too much self-absorption, and while the buzz may be out there, it’s not necessarily good. I haven’t heard anyone say “wow, I was so happy that while I was drinking my coffee this morning, sliding through Twitter, her a$$ popped up on my screen.” (Yeah, I know some thought that, but I’m talking about the rest of us.) Same when girls are strutting around in dresses tighter then their underwear and just as short or posting 100 selfies a day.  Lesson: stop begging for compliments and attention; it’s not a good look.

People like genuine-ness.  As much as we thrill in the drama of “reality” lives, in our hearts, we want to see for-real real, true love and friendship (or at least the image of it.)  So when photos of Solange’s wedding in white popped on the screen, there was a big collective “awwww, how lovely!”  Here was a celebrity who got married like a person with some sense who was focused on her own happiness, not “likes” and RT’s.  There were no secret, teasing peek photos at the wedding by the paparazzi hiding in bushes (the cute video of her and her son dancing looks like a friend took it on their phone) or month-long live E! coverage of the preparations.  I’m not naïve enough to think that there wasn’t a little bit of publicity planning involved in all of this, but the feeling was genuine and natural.  Sometimes we like things not being crazy over the top.  Lesson: We like that natural, real you better than the made-for-TV version.

In the real world, where the rest of us live, “breaking the internet” is not a real, tangible goal.  Sure, people like having a bunch of followers and friends, there’s a jolt of cyber-pride when you get some “likes” for a photo or status post. Heck, that’s what we bloggers live for – a share, a tweet, a comment. But all that amounts to very little in your quest to be a real, good, happy person.  Lesson: please, please don’t base your self-worth on electronic clicks, but instead on warm, live hugs and smiles.

And a few more quick ones:

Lesson: How you start is how you will continue.

Lesson: Pick your husband and life partner wisely. 

Lesson: Have more to offer the world than what’s physical.

And one more:

Don’t overstay your welcome.  If you somehow slipped into the party through the backdoor and folks tolerated you to stay – enjoy yourself, grab a drink, dance a little bit, don’t be a nuisance, and realize when it’s time for you to go.  Take your goodie bag, thank your host, and move on.

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My Child's First Resignation Letter

Again, my children signed up for a bunch of activities, stuff that they really really wanted to do and promised to do without whining or dragging their feet when time to go to practice/rehearsal.  And again, mid-way through after realizing that practice is every week and not always so fun, they are whining and dragging their feet. But for the most part, they get there. You know, because I paid for it and they have to commit to a thing and sometimes activities are boring, life can't be a merry-go-round of excitement all the time, etc., etc.

Which leaves me to wonder - what am I doing to myself? Why not just let them quit and then I can stay home, save some gas, and finish reading this book I've been carrying around with me forever?  Is teaching them the concept of commitment really worth my sanity?  Well, the last time my daughter gave me the list of excuses - so much homework, a stomach ache, looks like rain - I decided that there's a lesson to be learned in quitting, too.

I let me daughter quit one of her after-school activities with two conditions.

1. She owed me half of the fees that I had paid. She had birthday money, snow shoveling money, allowance and could pay me back in installments.  No point in me taking a financial loss when she changed her mind. 
2. She had to write a letter of resignation. Yes, like the kind when you leave a job.  I wanted her to realize that you can't just walk out on an activity and leave a group who is depending on you to show up. Whether a choir, a sports team, the school play, or game of jump rope - folks are counting on you to be there and take your role and if you're going to quit on them, you at least let them know you're leaving and offer an explanation.

The letter is done, we emailed it to the appropriate people and they have acknowledged that they received it.  We are free from racing across town one evening of the week, our calendar has a few more blank spaces on it, and I've read a few more pages in my book. As for my financial recovery?  Still waiting.

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Blogging Tips for Life

I feel like I'm really getting a good value for my registration dollars when info I pick up at a conference can be applied to other aspects of my life.  One of the Blogalicious presentations was themed around 10 tips for successful blogging.  There were eight presenters on that one panel - add it up, lots of tips!  Some were repeated, so those pop up as really key, and some were very applicable to other businesses or regular life.  I'm flipping through my notes and will share with you 5 Tips that I think are good one's, just for regular life, even if you don't have a blog.  (The @ references are the speaker's Twitter handles.) 

1 - Network and get out in front of the computer - from The CurvyFashionista.  I'm online almost daily - email, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest. All that. There are folks I've had online conversations with but could not pick them out of a real-life face-to-face lineup. This conference has been fun, partly, because I've gotten the chance to meet the person behind the tweets or blogposts or Facebook statuses.  I met several people who actually live in my county, in my neighborhood, even. How often do you get out into your real world and have real conversations? Try it.

2 - Be selfish with your time - from @teachmama.  Message for moms. How much of our time do we give away, especially if you are a stay-at-home mom and folks always ask you to do stuff for them? Yes, it's nice to do stuff for people, I could take on "Professional Volunteer" as a job title, but how true that we need to say "no" sometimes. Just last week, I was thinking that I need to establish a max number of meetings/evening activities  per week so that I can be home to tell me kids good night more. Crazy that I have to think of that right? But between sorority, PTA, Girl Scouts, other random stuff, I often have something on the calendar every evening.  I do need to be more selfish of my time.

3 - Have a daily routine - from @amyvernon. She spoke on having a routine for your blogging tasks, but we do that for regular life, right? Brush your teeth, take a shower, drink coffee. What about the other stuff that we need to do that would benefit our daily maintenance - read your Bible, take a deep breath before waking up the kids, drink coffee, go thru your emails, run 20 minutes, go on with your day. Check off the stuff that is important to you being you before you do the other stuff.

4 - Keep it classy - from @DeEttaMJones.  However you present yourself, how you communicate with others, how you dress.  Whatever you do - be classy. To me that doesn't mean it has to be expensive and label-laden, but be the best you. 

5 - Show folks a solution - from @yolymason. I.e. Be useful to people. Don't be the person who is always presenting a problem - you know those folks and you hate when they come around with their drama. Don't be that person. You don't always have to know the answer, but be willing to help folks find the answer. Be valuable in other people's lives. 

That's it. Five. Apply to your life, or to your blog.