How We’re Doing Christmas Wrong & Stressing Ourselves Out

Before we begin, let’s first revisit the true meaning of Christmas. Its not “giving”, its not “sharing,” its not “doing charity,” although all of those are good things and we can make a logical argument why they are related to Christmas. But really, the holiday is the observance/recognition/celebration/remembrance of the birth of Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior.  Linus explains that pretty clearly to all the Peanuts kids.  And yes – I know about winter Solstice and harvest festivals, Santa Claus, Christmas trees, etc. etc. But, still, Christmas is about Jesus Christ’s birth even if it is on December 25 for some random reason that has nothing to do with the Bible that some folks long time ago thought would be a good day.

Now that we’ve got that straightened out, here’s how we’re doing this thing all wrong, causing ourselves a bunch of stress.

Note, that I am writing this blogpost surrounded by open boxes of gold ribbon, sparkly ornaments, statues of angels and snowmen, and green garland, while taking a break from draping everything in my house in boughs of holly. So, yes, I am including myself in that “we.”

We treat Christmas as the “Give Everyone You Have Ever Seen in the Past Year a Gift” Day.  Why am I giving the dude who drops off my newspaper or cuts my grass a Christmas gift?  Why is my dentist sending me a Christmas card? My kids’ teachers and coaches are nice people, but why do I need to give each and every one of them a Christmas gift? I don’t even know if all these people are Christians. Why don’t we give some of these people gifts on a day that makes more sense? Give the grass cutter his tip at the end of summer. Give the coach a gift at the end of the season. Give the teacher a gift during Teacher Appreciation week or on the last day of school as an apology for all the headaches your child has caused. Why Christmas?

We try to include everyone in Christmas. I had to catch myself the other day as I was looking for Christmas cards (which I haven’t sent out yet.) I picked up cards with a Nativity scene and Bible verses on them, then started looking for a box that I could send to people who may not be Christian. Why? I said to myself. Why am I looking for not-too-Christmas-y Christmas cards to send to non-Christians? This doesn’t even make sense! I’ve never received a Hannakuh card, am not offended by that and doubt that my Jewish friends even think twice about it.

Giving folks random stuff as gifts. With all the gifting, we give pretty bad gifts.  Why, oh why, do we think that giving someone an icescraper is a good gift? Or underwear? Or any other thing that you grabbed up from the CVS aisle on December 24^th?  The other day, we were in the store and saw a gift package – it had a razor, shaving cream, and deodorant all wrapped up in a pretty box. My kids and I laughed so hard - this is a terrible gift. It says “here, I was thinking about how hairy and smelly you are – Merry Christmas.” What? Why is that giftboxed? Because we panic when we look at the 5011 people on our gift list and start just grabbing random nonsense off the shelves and sticking a bow on it. Cut your list to people you really care about, buy them something with thought. I’d rather get a candy cane than a bottle of shaving cream.

We threaten to “take away Christmas.” What’s the go-to response when our kids act up or don’t do so great on their report card, especially post-Thanksgiving when Santa starts making his list?  But we can’t “take away Christmas” anymore than we can take away Saturday or the sun coming up. December 25 is coming regardless of what your kid does, unless he can stop time.  What we really mean is we are not going to give them gifts if they don’t what we want them to do. But this conditionality isn’t what Christmas is about; in fact, it’s the opposite.  God sent Jesus because He loved His people. Unconditionally. And after the folks still acted up – in the Bible and since then - God didn’t say “too bad – no more Jesus for you.” Jesus is the full earthly embodiment of unconditional love.  This is what we should model in our Christmas celebration, not threatening to take away a box of Legos or a doll because our kids didn’t make up their bed.

We think everybody should celebrate Christmas… or nobody should.  I didn’t even pay attention to that Starbucks red cup thing since I don’t need a coffee house to tell me how and when to celebrate a religious holiday. How much energy and debate goes on each year over whether there should be a Nativity scene in the town square, whether the kids should sing Rudolph in the Winter Concert, why we can’t hang a Santa on the school door, _______ (fill in the blank with your neighborhood example.)  Observe your own holiday, be respectful of others who may or may not wish to join you, don’t be offended if a symbol of Christmas dares to cross your sight.

Even Non-Christians let themselves get stressed out about Christmas. I kinda feel bad for people who aren’t Christian, because I assume its some kind of social pressure that makes them come up with an associated celebration of a holiday that they don’t celebrate. They have to mail out some kind of cards, explain to their kids who Santa is and why he’s not coming to their house, or pack up and head to Hawaii to get away from all the boughs of holly. (Okay, I don’t feel bad for those people on the beach.) If I was non-Christian, I think I would like to ignore all the Christmas hoopla and focus on my normal life or the trauma its going to cause my kids.

The Elf on the Shelf. I’m just so glad that this phenomenon caught on after my kids were too old to be amused by it. That’s all.

Letting all the ways we're "supposed" to enjoy Christmas stress us out. Yes, Christmas has morphed into this religious, but also secular, holiday and the meaning gets lost in the shuffle sometime. That’s something we each have to work out for our own households.  But while we’re doing it – let’s get rid of the extras that add to our stress and stop doing the stuff that doesn't bring us joy so that we can truly enjoy the spirit of the holiday instead of approaching it dreading all the work it "requires."  And in the meantime, I’ll be dancing with the Peanuts gang and the Jackson 5 and watering my poinsettias.

What to Get Your Wife / Mother of Your Children for Christmas

It’s a week before Christmas. If your husband is like mine, he has not yet begun to even think about your Christmas gift, let alone panic about it. But you want him to start thinking about it because, as much as you do need a new vacuum cleaner, you do not want to find one under your Christmas tree. Or a shower gel and lotion set which is not in any scent that you want to smell like all day.

The hard part about shopping for your spouse, is that as grown-ups you each have access to money and usually, you are sharing, in some way, the same pot of money. Buying the other person is just a shift of who is doing the spending.  So the gift really has to be about some thoughtfulness, its more than the actual dollars spent.

I asked a bunch of friends for ideas and have rounded up some ideas here. Make it easy for the folks who love you – print this list and hand it to them or forward the blog post, and sit back and prepare to be delighted.

Gift Lists for Husbands: What to Get Your Wife / the Mother of your children

Something a little extravagant. As responsible folks, you may be on a household budget or at least have limits to what you think is reasonable spending. Splurge a little for your wife, get her something that she wouldn’t get for herself because of whatever money rules there are in your house. Maybe it’s that cashmere sweater, or a special thing for her hobby.  Say “you deserve a little extra” by being a little extravagant.

Time for herself. By herself or with friends. Although this may be the same for women without children, how they arrange their schedule and commitments is different than a mom who has little people depending on her, so this one is especially for the moms.  One thing every mom I know talks about is not having time for herself, whether that’s to read, get a pedicure, wander through the farmer’s market – whatever.  Set a time and make a commitment, to take care of the kids –without you calling/texting asking a bunch of questions (including “what should we eat for lunch?”) so that she can go out and do whatever it is she enjoys doing by herself. And this is important – do not cancel!

Indulgent, self care (spa, hair, massage) appointments.  Don’t just get the spa giftcard, see my comment above of shifting the spending. Because once she has the giftcard, there’s still the issue of actually getting around to using it. Unfortunately, I’ve had several spa giftcards that have expired or after a year of being shifted around my desk, has gotten lost.  Instead, make her an appointment, or if she has a crazy schedule let her make it, then be absolutely, no questions asked be available to take care of the kids.

Housecleaning service. There is a feeling of accomplishment in cleaning the house. Standing back and looking at a gleaming floor and sparkly windows.  It can also be tiring, boring, redundant and a bit frustrating when you know that all is going to kaput! when everyone else gets back home. Let her enjoy a clean house without the effort by hiring a housecleaning service. One before or after the holidays is great, on a regular basis if you can swing it is even better.

Car detailing. Most (all?) moms that I know spend what seems like half their life in their cars. Driving, chauffeuring kids with their backpacks, snacks, spilled lunchboxes, dinner in between activities, pencils and crayons, changing clothes, library books and random kid miscellaneous. And remnants of all that are in the floor and between the seats of the car. And with all that driving and chaffeuring – who has time to clean the car?  Take the car for a couple hours, get it detailed, put in one of those delightful smell good things from Bath & Body Works and let her drive around in a clean car. At least until the kids climb in with some french fries.

A night away from home. Does she want you to go with her or does she want to go alone? Good question. Make two different reservations to be safe.  Its important as busy parents to have your away time, your “us” time to remember what it is that you love about each other, other than the ability to juggle homework, dinner, and a hairbrush all at the same time.  And its also important for her to have time to do the things she enjoys by herself. Or doing nothing. When was the last time she slept in, ordered breakfast in bed, and sat in bed in her pj’s all day reading a book or bingewatching movies? Priceless.

A day of rest.  Maybe the household budget doesn’t allow for a hotel stay or she’s a homebody, you can still gift her a day to herself to hang out in her pjs and enjoy breakfast while its still hot. But you and the kids must leave the house. Read that again. Suggesting that mom sleep in or lay in bed and read, while she hears the microwave beeping, the kids running through the house, and you catching up on the game is not restful. You and the kids must leave the house. Go to a movie, go to a park, go sit on the neighbor’s front steps. But you must leave.

That thing that she has dropped 100 hints about – pay attention. You keep seeing that ad for a Pandora bracelet on your kitchen counter? Is she trying to keep track of all her walking steps in her head?  She’s read every review for a new Broadway show?  Hint hint. This one’s easy dude. She’s left the breadcrumbs.

 Your continued prayers, undying love, unflinching commitment and a hug. Trust me. She’ll be eternally grateful.

Happy gifting!

(And do you need a “don’t buy this” list, too? Perhaps I shall prepare that too, just to be safe.)

Celebrate Birthdays with a Countdown

 

Four rounds of “Happy birthday,” not counting extended family and friends, gets to be a lot.  And as we know, kid birthday parties are no longer cake, balloons, and pin the tail on the donkey.  At minimum, there’s got to be a professionally decorated cake illustrating the birthday kid’s most current hobby, an amazing, life-changing experience for the gaggle of guests, a mountain of gifts, or for the more socially conscious, an admirable suggestion to donate the money that would’ve been spent on Barbies and Mario to a child-focused non-profit, and a professional photographer to document it all for posterity. Or at least for Facebook.  Happy birthday, kid.

So… it was too much for me. I’ll admit, I had to tap out of the birthday hoohah.  I was at a kid birthday party awhile ago and realized that with all the going’s on, the guests and the kid-host barely even interacted. My children have received birthday invites from kids in their extra-curricular activities that they could barely pick out of a little kid line-up.  And, then, I was stressing myself out buying a gift for a kid I didn’t even know.  I decided to scale back.

We didn’t do birthday parties last year. As the big day approached, each kid picked out something they wanted to do – whether it was have a few (a few!) friends over for pizza and cake or try out rock-climbing with the family – and that’s what we did. This year, my daughter suggested a countdown, like the Advent activities leading up to Christmas.  Why couldn’t we do that she asked?  And a new birthday activity was born.

Each week before my kids’ birthdays, I’ve filled eight decorated bags with small gifts and each day, let them pick one to open.  The gifts have included all kinds of things the kids would like, varying in price and “wow” - a pack of sidewalk chalk, a bottle of nail polish, a box of Legos, a basketball design inkpen, phone case, a watch.  The gifts have come from me and my husband, as well as from their siblings.  Half the excited is the surprise of finding out what’s in the bag.  And you know what? Unlike when they’ve got a mountain of gifts in front of them to open in front of all of their friends, in a frenzy to open the next gift, they get time to select their gift bag, open it and enjoy what’s inside.

On their actual birthday, there is one more gift, and of course, a cake (what’s a birthday without cake.)  It’s been a fun way to extend the birthday excitement, without making it over the top, uncontrollable.  For a week, the birthday kid is the center of attention and celebration.  Happy birthday!

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Favorite Holiday Gifts from JustDiva.com

What do you get for your sister, friend, co-worker, kid's teacher, brother, sister-in-law? Oh, it's a lot of folks on the gift list.  As for me, I do like gift-giving and when I find the perfect gift, I get so excited! But it's finding that gift that's the problem. So, I'm happy that Martine is back to offer her gift-giving suggestions, just as she did last year.  Martine is the Editor of JustDiva and the writer for CandidBelle.com, and curates unique and sometimes little-known products and services for her daily email, JustDiva.  Let's see what she's putting on the holiday list this year.

Favorite Holiday Gifts

Admittedly, I love the holiday season.  Hands down, it truly is the most wonderful time of the year.  I also love giving gifts.  The look of pure joy on someone’s face when they open their gift and it’s clear that they love it – well, that look is priceless. 

What I do hate, however, about the holiday season, is all the stress that goes into gift buying.  I am not a fan of Black Friday (no offense to anyone who is) and I truly think that buying wonderful gifts from the comfort of my warm, cozy home is the way to go – always. 

If you agree, then check out this short list of JustDiva’s favorite gifts for the holiday season.  These are gifts that you can’t go wrong with (and some of them are even gifts that give twice).  Also, if you want more ideas, visit our website to access our FREE holiday gift guide.  It’s sure to help you put a smile on everyone’s face this Christmas.  Enjoy! 

Cocotique – For just $20 a month, Cocotique delivers a box filled with 5-6 expertly curated beauty and lifestyle products. This makes a great gift for a girlfriend.  You can just send one box, or choose a subscription. 

1/2 of profits from One Hope Wine
go to end childhood hunger

One Hope Wine – A cause-centric wine brand that offers a number of varietals attached to a specific social cause, One Hope Wine is one of our new favorite things.  Buy a bottle and 50% of the profits are donated to the cause associated with that varietal. They also offer gift sets during the holidays. 

Heart of Haiti – Available at Macy’s, this collection of beautiful accessories and home décor items are sure to please someone in your life.  Handmade by artisans in Haiti, the sale of the items in this collection is helping these artisans rebuild a decent life for their families after the devastating 2010 earthquake.

Love With Food – Love With Food delivers a carefully curated box of organic and all natural foods to your door step every month for only $10 a month.  The items are healthy, often unique, and also tasty. For every box sent, Love with Food donates a meal to a hungry child. 

Kathy Bransfield Jewelry – We are in love with this jeweler who designs pieces that don’t just speak to your sense of style, but also speak to your soul with inspiring inscriptions.  

Fitbit Flex – Released earlier this year, we think Fitbit Flex is one impressive device.  Perfect for anyone who loves gadgets, this little thing does it all.  A great way to inspire someone to get fit and live well in the new year. 

FiLip – One of the coolest devices we’ve come across recently, we think this watch makes a pretty cool gift for a kid.  To your kids it’s just a cool watch, but for a parent it’s a way to keep their child safe. Definitely worth checking out if you are concerned about your child’s safety, or if your child has a physical, developmental or mental health issue that requires you to put extra safety measures in place.  

What do you think? Like those ideas? Any other great gift ideas you'd like to share - leave them in the comments below.

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Holiday Gift Ideas from JustDiva

Do you have as much trouble as I do with selecting gifts?  I do all right if I come across something and instantly imagine it as the perfect gift for a specific someone.  But it's the pressure of "ah - it's Christmas shopping time and I've got a bunch of people I need to get gifts for" or "why do 10 of my friends have birthdays in the next 3 weeks?" that stresses me out and gives me gift-giving anxiety.  Know the feeling?  

To make gift-shopping a little more pleasant, I turned to Martine Foreman, editor and co-founder of JustDiva for some ideas.  I met her this past summer and loved her email service concept and signed up immediately.  Each day, I get a simple (short) email with recommendations for things such as beauty products, fashion ideas, food and drink.  She's guest blogging for me with her gift suggestions.  Thanks, Martine!  (And if any of my friends or family receive one of the items listed below, act surprised!)

* * * *

Once again a new year approaches, and we find ourselves in the midst of the most wonderful time of the year.  So many of us have a love/hate relationship with the holiday season.  We love wearing our cute boots and scarves, but we hate hat hair and frosty nights.  We love comfort food, but we hate the pounds that come with it.  We love shopping and giving, but we can do without the stress associated with figuring out what the right gift is.  

Well, JustDiva is here to help you manage the holiday season by offering some great recommendations that can make shopping a piece of cake this year.  We have to warn you - you will be tempted to do a whole lot of shopping for yourself.  In an effort to avoid too much of that here are some suggestions on not just what to get, but who to get it for.  Happy shopping! 

The Hostess 

So many parties to attend, but what do you bring the host/hostess?  We think Corkcicle is the perfect hostess gift. It's cute, practical, affordable, and pretty cool (in more ways than one). We love it and we think you (and your hostess) will too.  

The BFF 

Looking for the perfect gift to tell your best friend that you love her, you appreciate her, and you are in awe of how strong she is?  Then ckeck out Erica Sara Designs.  Her jewelry sends a powerful message.  It says, "I am strong, I am sexy, I am here."  

The Intellectual  

We all have that friend (or we are that friend) who just appreciates a piece of art that truly speaks to them - art that tells people what they stand for.  We think Fresh Words Market is an awesome site where you can get a piece of artwork that is simple, yet powerful.  It's also great for families with children because the artwork is so inspiring.

The Techy

The toughest thing about getting a cool gift for a techy is the fact that they usually have everything they need, and anything they don't have yet tends to be pretty pricey.  That's why The Easy Macro Cell Lens Band is great because it's super affordable but still pretty darn cool.  It fits on any mobile device, allowing you to take pictures that are stunning.  This Christmas the cell phone justmay be enough to capture every cool pic you need.  

The Foodie

During the holidays doesn't it seem like everyone indulges? If you have a friend with a sweet tooth, who appreciates fine chocolate then Courtney Paul Chocolates is worth the visit.  We know that there is chocolate everywhere you go, but not all chocolate is created equal and a true foodie will appreciate the fact that you got them the best you could find.  

We hope these suggestions make life a little easier for you this month.  Visit JustDiva for other great recommendations.  Sign-up for our emails when you visit the site and get more great ideas in the coming weeks.  

Happy Holidays and Happy Shopping from the JustDiva Family!  


JustDiva is the fabulous email publication created to enhance the lifestyle of the Modern Black Woman by delivering the very best in product and service recommendations from across the worlds of beauty, fashion, food and drink, health and wellness, home and décor and much more.  JustDiva was launched in July of 2012, and although it targets Black women the content truly meets the needs of women from all walks of life.  Martine Foreman, editor and co-founder of JustDiva, is excited that so many women are signing up because JustDiva brings a carefully curated and actionable daily guide to women who need and appreciate what JustDiva offers.