Celebrate Birthdays with a Countdown

 

Four rounds of “Happy birthday,” not counting extended family and friends, gets to be a lot.  And as we know, kid birthday parties are no longer cake, balloons, and pin the tail on the donkey.  At minimum, there’s got to be a professionally decorated cake illustrating the birthday kid’s most current hobby, an amazing, life-changing experience for the gaggle of guests, a mountain of gifts, or for the more socially conscious, an admirable suggestion to donate the money that would’ve been spent on Barbies and Mario to a child-focused non-profit, and a professional photographer to document it all for posterity. Or at least for Facebook.  Happy birthday, kid.

So… it was too much for me. I’ll admit, I had to tap out of the birthday hoohah.  I was at a kid birthday party awhile ago and realized that with all the going’s on, the guests and the kid-host barely even interacted. My children have received birthday invites from kids in their extra-curricular activities that they could barely pick out of a little kid line-up.  And, then, I was stressing myself out buying a gift for a kid I didn’t even know.  I decided to scale back.

We didn’t do birthday parties last year. As the big day approached, each kid picked out something they wanted to do – whether it was have a few (a few!) friends over for pizza and cake or try out rock-climbing with the family – and that’s what we did. This year, my daughter suggested a countdown, like the Advent activities leading up to Christmas.  Why couldn’t we do that she asked?  And a new birthday activity was born.

Each week before my kids’ birthdays, I’ve filled eight decorated bags with small gifts and each day, let them pick one to open.  The gifts have included all kinds of things the kids would like, varying in price and “wow” - a pack of sidewalk chalk, a bottle of nail polish, a box of Legos, a basketball design inkpen, phone case, a watch.  The gifts have come from me and my husband, as well as from their siblings.  Half the excited is the surprise of finding out what’s in the bag.  And you know what? Unlike when they’ve got a mountain of gifts in front of them to open in front of all of their friends, in a frenzy to open the next gift, they get time to select their gift bag, open it and enjoy what’s inside.

On their actual birthday, there is one more gift, and of course, a cake (what’s a birthday without cake.)  It’s been a fun way to extend the birthday excitement, without making it over the top, uncontrollable.  For a week, the birthday kid is the center of attention and celebration.  Happy birthday!

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Still Figuring out Motherhood

The morning after my first daughter was born, the nurse came in my room and checked the chart indicating her diaper changes.
"You haven't needed to change her diaper yet?" The nurse asked.
"What do you mean? Doesn't a nurse change it?" I asked back.
"No. She's your baby, you change the diaper. Then mark it here on this chart."

At that moment, I realized that having a baby was a real thing. That I really was someone's mother, responsible for her little life.  I was now responsible for making sure she ate enough and slept enough, had pajamas and clean clothes for school.  I needed to read to her every night to make sure she became literate and count all her little piggies so she'd be - what? Number-literate?  I would have to increase my vocabulary so I could tell her all that she needed to know.  I had to make sure she learned to walk and brush her teeth. I would have to teach her to look before she crossed the street and stop-drop-and-roll if she was ever in a fire.  It was my duty to teach her how to scramble eggs, make a perfect pot of rice, and grill round pancakes.  We would have to figure out how to braid or blow-dry or flat-iron and how to choose the right color lipstick.  There would be driving lessons and college applications.  But first, I had to figure out which was the front of this diaper.

At that moment, I realized that I had no clue what I was doing and became nervous that I would never really figure it out and do this thing right.  I prayed to God, don't ever leave me, don't let me raise this girl without your constant watch.

And now, fifteen years and four children later. I still feel the same way. And I pray the same thing.  And still  hope that they all turn out alright.

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Currently... panicking, excited, thinking, reminding, starting #JustPiddlin

I wrote my first "Currently..." post last Monday and I think it's a good start to the week.  Join me in considering where you are and looking forward to the days ahead.

Panicking about the fact that my baby first-born is getting ready to turn 15.  I'm rethinking the years, wondering if I've done a good enough job as her mom, and trying to think of all the stuff I need to tell her in the next 3 years before she's off on her own.  And looking for a magic potion to turn back time.  More angst-filled posts to come.

Excited about my son swimming in the state Junior Olympics meet this weekend. He's excited about even qualifying and the cool new warm-up jacket. I'm happy that his hard-work is proving some results.

Thinking about the new #BanBossy campaign.  I get the message - girls should be encouraged to be leaders and not ridiculed or put down for being outspoken, absolutely.  But my little girl is bossy.

Reminding you not to text & drive.  My new phone has an option where text message and phone call alerts do not sound when you are driving, sending a message to the caller/texter that you are driving and will get back to them later. You can set it to automatically turn on when it detects you are moving faster than 25 mph or set it manually.  What's the big deal? It's only a few seconds?  Read more about Jake's Law.

Starting to run and work-out again. I got lazy over the winter. There's still snow on the ground, but it's getting warmer. I'm ready for skirts and need to get these thighs ready, too.  Plus, we start Girls on the Run this week and I cannot get beat by those 8 years old (again).

What are you currently up to?

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43 Reasons We're Not Having a Birthday Party This Year

4 kids  - 43 birthdays

I made the announcement in December that we were not having birthday parties this year. Honestly, I was tired of parties and couldn't even think why, but now having totaled up all the celebrations over the years, I have my answer.

Over the past 14 years, my kids have had 43 birthdays.  Add to that the Korean 100-Day celebration for each of them and we’re up to 47 days of commemorating their birth.

We've had a party almost every year.  Let's say we've had 40 birthday parties.  That's 40 times when we've had decorated cakes, a bunch of friends, gave out candy and teeny-toy trinket filled gift bags (whose idea was that anyway?), and played games.  We've had parties all over the place: at home, the bowling alley, Chuck E Cheese, McDonald’s.

And when the party did not fall on the actual birthday, i.e. a Saturday, there was the actual birthday-day cake, favorite dinner with the family, and gifts. And if Dad was traveling on the actual birthday-day, there was the dinner with dad before he went out of town birthday dinner.  And on top of all that, add the cupcakes sent to school.

Count it. We are close to 60, if not more, birthday celebrations. That's for 4 kids who haven't even reached high school yet.

We've never really got into the realm of fantabulous-ness that kids’ birthdays have become. Friends, food, fun, cake - but not taking out a home loan to fund any of them. There's never been a pony (my daughter went to one of those in pre-school), a celebrity sighting (another pre-school shindig), or special dress required (except the one princess and knight party).  But it’s still a lot. And admittedly, some of my tiger-ish mom upbringing kicks in and I think about the fact that I did not have a party every year as a kid, and somehow survived.

This year, we're taking a page from my brother and a few other friends, and going with the no-party, just family celebration plan. Six invitees to the party and a fun activity that we all can enjoy.  Thus far we’ve hung out at Dave & Buster’s, gone rock-climbing, and had lots of cake.  One more to go, I can only imagine what she’ll have us do.

Happy 44th kids!

When friends turn 40

We've been friends for so long, I don't really even remember meeting them; its as if they came as part of a freshman welcome package -  a room in Dickinson, a Rodney Dining hall meal plan, and some best friends.  One turned 40 almost a year before me, the other - the youngest - celebrates her birthday today.

Upon reaching 40, I've realized that I've known some of my closest friends (including my husband) for just over half my life.  After all that time, people become a permanent part of your landscape.  We've traveled through so many significant milestones and not-so-important moments that have colored the years.  Driver's ed, prom, college graduation, Vivarin fueled late night studying along with the post-final exam crash, first job, first pink slip, weight gain, weight loss, our first drink, swearing that we've taken our last drink, marriage, divorce, birth of babies, loss of parents, sickness and recovery, moving to a new city, traveling to a new country.  Close friends remember when you used to wear a name belt (or still do), they remember the crazy hair cut you had way back when you were trying to find yourself.  They tell stories about how cute you thought you were when  pledging your sorority or how ugly you were when pledging your fraternity.  They remember, or were, your first crush.  You can make them change their plans for elopement into a wonderfully fun, small destination wedding.  They will open the door to their home and your band of children, allowing you to make their city your vacation spot.

Over the years, we still get together for annual dinners and to play tennis.  We compare notes on raising our kids and call each other to find out what to wear to the upcoming birthday/wedding/party/shower.  On late night phone calls or lounging in hotel rooms, we laugh for no reason at all, or for all the reasons we don't have to mention.  (For a certain group, just the mention of a wet rain coat is guaranteed to begin convulsions of laughter.)  As I look forward into my life, I know it will be full because they will be there for the years of graying, slowing down, and becoming those old women who dress too sexy, date too young, talk too loud, and carry a big purse.

And I can't imagine it any other way.

My birthday list

My birthday has come and gone. My husband, sister-in-law’s, and my birthday are within a week of each other, so each year, we have a week bookended by birthday celebrations, with Christmas in between. This year, we threw ourselves a party with a bunch of friends and had a great time. Now that most of the cake has been eaten and the house is starting to resemble its pre-party, household of six self again, I’m looking at my list for this year.

Here’s some of the things I managed to check off:

· Say “no!” – yeah, that’s a big one. I admit I didn’t say it all the time, but I think enough so that I’m not totally jam-packed with other folks priorities.

· Visit 4 states with the family – this took the shape of a 2-week, 1700 mile road trip with the kids this summer that took us through Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia.

· Get to a size * and !!! pounds – I am wearing the size that I want and on a good day, I am actually the weight on my driver’s license.

· Read 10 good books – I’ve lost track of how many, but I have read some good ones. A few of my favorites this year: Little Bee, Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society, The Help, Girl With the Dragon Tattoo & Girl Who Played with Fire, and Mermaid Sister (this is a children’s book but after reading it no less than 100 times, I’m adding it my list).

· Wear a bikini – related to weight/size goal as much as confidence in body image. And realizing that at my age and after 4 children, this is about the best we can hope for.

· Finish my tenure as PTA President – if you’ve ever been PTA President, you understand. Though I’ve moved on to County PTA and its like jumping from the pan to the fire.

Here’s some of the things to move to next year’s list:

· Finish reading the entire Bible – I didn’t get anywhere near done, in fact, I’m still in the Old Testament.

· Learn to knit – Its not that I don’t have the ability to knit, but I don’t have the patience to learn to do it well. By the time I knit a square, I could be done crocheting a sweater.

· Send birthday cards on time – I did pretty good this year, I think.

· Bake more cookies & cakes – my husband doesn’t think this is possible, but I’m going to try.

· Become a volunteer at the National Zoo – I particularly want to work in the Ape House.

And the best one:

Make it to my next birthday! This had nothing to do with my ability or determination, but all to do with God’s grace and omnipotence, and for that, I’m eternally blessed.

Happy birthday – whether you celebrate your birthday or not, with a party or a cupcake and a candle, with friends or by yourself – I hope that you honor another year of life and all the possibilities it holds.

Another item from my birthday list - Get to 3.0 rating in tennis - done!

At the end of last year, I moved up from a 2.5. As far as tennis goes, this is still at an advanced-beginner level, I’m not going after Serena or Venus anytime soon. The point was that to advance, I had to keep practicing, keep playing, and eventually start winning consistently. And in the meantime, I was getting in some great exercise. Of course, now I’m a new 3.0 and getting beat left and right by the more advanced players at my level, and the process begins again – learn, practice, play, repeat.

“Becoming a better player” is subjective and as with many non-tangible things, hard to qualify. In these instances, we need some type of measurement of progress. For sports, it could be a win-loss ratio or the distance ran/walked/swam/jumped in a certain amount of time. For those who play an instrument, perhaps its playing a piece with x number of mistakes, reducing down to zero.

As the year comes to a close, we will go about the tradition of writing up a list of resolutions or goals for the new year. January 1, we get to start all over. This year, don’t just say you are going to “exercise more” or “work less”, add some numbers, a quantifiable, measurable target.

What’s going to count in the new year for you?

It's December!

Although summer is my favorite season (sandals and the beach, why else?), winter gets some points because it’s a great excuse to buy new boots, make and wear new scarves, sit inside and drink Kahlua & coffee. But December is my favorite month of the year – its Christmas and my birthday (and my mom’s, husband’s, sister-in-law’s, and several lovable friends’).

I’m a bit excited this year because it’s a big birthday. In preparation for this birthday, I wrote a list last year of all the things I was going to get done within the next 365 days.

Item #1 was to finish writing the list – you can’t imagine how significant an accomplishment that in itself was, actually finishing something. I pulled the list out over Thanksgiving and was grateful for item #38: Realize that all of this might not get done this year! But, I did get some stuff done. Over the next few weeks, I’ll revisit my list, reflect on the things I did get to and see which of the remaining I can get done real quick.

Done: Dinner out by myself – I know some people cannot imagine going into a restaurant and asking for a table for 1, but as a mom of a busy household, this is one of my small pleasures. Our family dinner plans range from everyone at the table eating at one time to each person grabbing a sandwich and carrot sticks as they pass through the kitchen on their way to their activity. Either way, it’s a harried, noisy, busy event. Contrast that to sitting at a quiet, clothed table, enjoying a glass of wine, getting to eat all the bread in the basket, not having to get up in the middle of the meal to take someone to the bathroom, and reading a good book. This one is going on the list for next year, too.

To do: Regular lunch with parents – My parents moved nearby a few years ago and although I see them often, we don’t get together on a regular basis because of schedule conflicts. Some of those have disappeared this year with all my little people in school, but then my days have filled up with laundry, grocery shopping, housecleaning, bookclub, school volunteering, exercise, and other stuff. We do get together, but I need to do this more often. I’ll keep this on next year’s list, too.