Best of Just Piddlin': Top 10 of 2013

Thanx for Just Piddlin’ along with me in 2013!

I've had a wonderful year blogging and chatting with you.  Checking over my blog posts, these were the 10 most read posts of the year (no particular order).

Working moms and stay-at-home moms, alike, were represented in these motherhood and parenting posts:

• "Lean In" Isn't Such a Bad Message
• Now That You're a Stay-at-Home Mom
• Shall We Give The Kids a Sticker for Breathing

These dishes perfect for busy moms who want home-cooked food for their busy families were popular:

• Next Best Thing to Fried Shrimp - from Witchery in the Kitchen
• Asian Chicken in the Crockpot - selected as a Circle of Moms Recipe of the Day
• And for birthdays, holidays, or any reason to have cake - Cake Decorating - tips from Fancy Cakes by Leslie

Perhaps I’m not the only one struggling with the “where’s your family from” projects, as many of you read up on Another Family Heritage Project.

Fellow yarn-holics picked up their needles for this one: My First Knit Hat

Folks were busy cleaning out their closets & looking for tips on what to do with those old clothes: Re-Use & Recycle Old Clothes

And friends were looking for answers of why they were de-friended (or justifying why they de-friended folks): 5 Reasons You & I Are No Longer Friends

Was your favorite in the top 10?

In 2014, we'll continue striving to grow Just Piddlin' and make it better - for you, the reader, and me.  To learn more about this whole blog-o-sphere, I attended 2 blogging conferences - Disney Social Media Moms and Blogalicious - conferences will be in the plans again in the coming year.  We received a pile of products and books for review which was a lot of fun and look forward to continuing to bring you great products and recommendations.

Book reviews will continue, but I’ll be changing the reading plan a bit.  I’ll let you know in the beginning of the month the Book I'm Carrying Around and invite you to read along and discuss the book with me.  (I’m busy trying to pick out what to start the year with.)

I’ll still be In the Kitchen, cooking and trying out recipes, especially anything chocolate.  Feel free to recommend any great foods or coffee/chocolate shops you think I should try if ever in your city.

And of course, I will continue to be a busy mom of 4, who is always carrying around a skein of yarn, a book, and my perceptions of the world.  I hope you’ll keep piddlin’ along with me.

Please feel free to let me know in the Comments below what you would like to see in 2014.  We'll see what we can do.

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5 Reasons You & I Are No Longer #Friends

Facebook is a funny cyber-world. We all go through some kind of thought process in “friend-ing” folks. Though every person’s criteria for clicking “accept” is different, there is some bar to be met.  On the other end, there’s the process of de-friending – the touchy, sensitive clicking someone off of your friend list, barring them from your timeline, never to know what you had for lunch again.  How many times have you seen someone post a message about being defriended?  Aren’t they so sad in their mystery and wondering why this happened to them?  I admit, I have defriended some folks. And perhaps, I have been defriended, too – but due to my tech-savviness, I don’t even know if I have been or not.

So for those who notice that you no longer see my smiling face or my status about my craziness, here are 5 reasons you may have been defriended.

You posted too many Scandal spoilers.  I wasn’t watching Scandal in season 1, so all the  posts were a mild annoyance filling up my timeline (and my Twitter feed). But by season 2, I was catching up and watching on demand. The posts weren’t so bad because I was so far behind, I didn’t know what folks were talking about yet, anyway. But now, that I am in the present season, but a few episodes behind – it’s killing me! Even if they aren’t intentional plot spoilers, I don’t want to know nothing.  All the posts of who is playing Olivia’s momma – come on, folks – I didn’t want to know her mom was going to even show up!  So, if you’re defriended, check your Scandal posts.

You posted the sex of your baby prior to its birth. Yeah, I’m one of those rare people who don’t want to know whether the baby is a boy or girl until it breathes oxygen in its lungs. I didn’t find out with any of my four and I don’t want to know any of my friends.  Yes, I did warn my god-daughter’s mother that she was free to post her sonogram if she wanted to, but if anyone commented on the gender, I was going to click the defriend button. Pregnant friends, you have been warned.

You complain too much. Oh, woe is me, nobody likes me, my life is awful, I’m so sad, but I’m not going to tell you why I’m singing the blues. Okay, then I can’t help you and you’re dragging me down. Click.  But you won’t notice anyway because you’ll be too busy waiting for comments that say “keep your head up,” “you gonna make it thru,” “I’m here for you.”  I can’t be there for you if I don’t know where you're at.

You posted too many long, sappy stories about God and faith that didn’t make any sense.  Now, I’m a Christian and I’m all for faithful encouragement, some of y’all’s Bible verses hit the mark for me on some days and I’m grateful for that unexpected little reminder and boost.  But some folks and their “true stories” of God’s will - you know the ones – they don’t build me up nor give me strength. They annoy me because they’re bad stories and I don’t believe them.  And they take up too much space on my little phone screen.

You have a perfect family.  Right now, there are towels on the bathroom floor, candy wrappers on the couch, a wet bathing suit in a swim bag, no milk in the fridge, and an unidentified pair of socks in my living room.  My kids didn’t eat their breakfast, didn’t like their lunch, and will demand pizza for dinner.  Within five minutes of being home from school, they will have argued with each other sibling, spilled a cup of apple juice, and asked me 100 questions.  Most of my week is spent as a pseudo-single mom because my husband’s job takes him to Texas or Paris or on long lunches in Virginia.  Your neat home, perfectly behaved children, happy date nights, and balanced meals affect my self-esteem.  My therapists said to defriend you.

You posted too many pictures of your pet cat. I don’t like cats. That’s all.  (I know, that makes 6, but I wanted you to know.)

If I have defriended you and you did not commit one of these atrocities, it could just be that I could not remember who you were and I needed to cull my friend list.  Nothing personal.  

Join the conversation on Facebook: Just Piddlin' with Frances - and I won't de-friend you!

Cake Decorating 101: How to Make a Beautiful Cake at Home

Let’s blame it on those Food Network cake shows that we feel like every cake has to look ready for competition.  Nothing short of fondant, flowers, birds, fountains, and 6 layers is going to do.  Some frosting slapped on a lopsided cake just doesn’t cut it.

Yes - that is a cake!

But, do we really need all that? Can’t we make a presentable cake for our kid’s birthday or the PTA bake sale without calling in the professionals?  Yes, we can, says the namesake of Fancy Cakes by Leslie.

Leslie Poyourow started decorating cakes after basic lessons, not from a culinary school, but from her local craft store.  Since then, she’s continued to experiment and learn her craft.  Over eighteen years of professionally decorating cakes, she’s been featured on the Today Show and won numerous best cake awards, including The Knot’s 2013 Pick for best wedding cakes.  On the day I stopped by her bakery, she and her team of about 8 bakers, frosters, and decorators, were busy in various stages of preparing cakes for weddings, birthdays, and other happy occasions.

I’m going to share her tips for making a pretty cake at home, but here’s what I learned to be one of the most important ingredients: time.  You can have butter imported from France and sugar straight from Brazil, but if you just throw it all together, you’re still going to end up with that crooked cake that looks like a Kindergarten class frosted it.  Allow yourself time and it will be beautiful.

Start with a good recipe that will give you a firm cake and use the proper pans.  Fill your cake pans to about 50%.

After baking and removing it from the pan, wrap the cake in plastic wrap (not the cheap plastic wrap, use the good stuff) and let it cool completely.  This step will help keep the cake moist while it cools.

Cut off the rounded top for a flat, level cake.

Make the cake level.  I’ve heard this tip before, but I always think I can skip it and my cake will still look straight.  Nope, rarely ever does that work.  Use a sharp, serrated edge knife (the “bread” knife in your set) and carefully cut the top of the cake off, the part that’s mounded.  Now – what do you do with this leftover cake piece because no-one wants to throw away good food?  Two options: (1) give it to your kids to eat or (2) make cake pops and then give it to the kids to eat or make them part of your party celebration.

Use a good icing.

Use an icing recipe that does not include liquid.  A good icing will include the basics – sugar, butter, flavor – but no liquid like water or milk.  We’re talking about the regular fluffy, creamy icing, no fondant, no rolling pin.

Frost your cake with a cake spatula, not a butter knife or spoon or whatever else you have in your kitchen.  It has a nice long handle and your fingers won’t get in the way.  There’s a long edge and you can cover the entire cake in one swoop.

Make gum paste or buy it already made from a cake supply store

Want to be fancy and add special decorations?  Use gum paste, a sugary mixture like fondant, but firmer, that you can buy from cake supply stores or make at home.  It looks like play dough, but it is edible.  When I was there, the decorators were making stars and an Eiffel Tower.  Roll it out, cut out your shape, decorate with piped icing if you wish, stick it on your cake. And how do you get an Eiffel Tower?  Print a picture at the size that you want it, cut it out, and trace it with a knife on your gum paste.  This is something I am really wanting to try.

A little something extra - add fresh fruit (here, raspberries) in between your layers

What if you don’t even own measuring spoons and Betty Crocker is your best friend?  Leslie’s got a few tips for you, too.

• Splurge and buy two boxes of mix.  One is never enough for a decent looking 2-layer cake.  There will probably be left over batter – make cupcakes!
• Store-bought frostings are not made to look fancy in the end, so don’t fight it.  Don’t try anything too decorative, but neatly put your frosting on and enjoy the nice “homemade” look.

Still feeling that pressure to buy the beautiful cake in the bakery window for your kid’s birthday party?  This, I thought, was a gem of advice for us stressed-out, gotta make it all perfect moms.  Leslie said that even if you don’t think you’re a great baker or artist, try it anyway for your kid.  She mentioned, repeatedly, that kids love the idea that mom made their cake and will think it tastes good just because you made this special effort for them.

Red velvet, S'mores, Chocolate Chip Cookie, Nutella, Vanilla, and Cookies & Cream

And how do her cakes taste? You know I didn't get out of there without a chocolate cupcake. And it was delicious! The cupcakes were moist and the frosting was light and not-too-sweet.

Enjoy your baking!

Thanks to Leslie and her staff for letting me wander around her sugar-scented haven.  If you live near the Bethesda, Maryland area and want more hands-on tips, check Fancy Cakes by Leslie’s class schedule.

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My First Knit Hat!

I've moved another project from my WIP (Work in Progress) basket to my DONE! shelf.  I took up knitting last (?) year and have managed to finish a scarf, started another and then made the big leap to a hat. I love the slouchy hat look, I've made several crochet versions.  I tried this one because it was supposed to be really easy.  And actually, it was. Of course, by now, I have lost the pattern, but if/when I find it again, I will give proper credit to the designer.

 

New knitting skills on this project:

• Knitting in the round
• Increasing/decreasing
• Binding off a circle

For this hat, the stitches decreased at the top of the hat, ending up with a relatively small circle - then how are you supposed to maneuver the needles?  That was a bit of work, but I'm sure I didn't do it right.

I don't think I'm up to a sweater yet, still need to work on getting my stitches smooth. Actually, I should go ahead and make another hat because I'm sure this one is going to get grabbed up by someone in my house who thinks it matches her outfit.

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Now That You're a SAHM

Perhaps you were reading "Lean In" and decided you were too tired of leaning.  Or you saw the Yahoo! CEO with her in-office nursery and realized you'd rather dump the office. Or some mom at PTA with her fresh-baked cookies made it all look so easy.   Somewhere, somehow, someone convinced you to give up your tailored skirt, heels, and comfy office chair for yoga pants, school volunteering and laundry.  Welcome to the loose band of caffeinated moms known by the misnomer, stay-at-home moms.

Pour yourself a drink (coffee, Pepsi, margarita, whatever works) and take note of a few tips to prepare you to make this wonderful transition.  (And yes, I know this post is long and it will take you a week to read it, but hey, this new gig ain't easy.)

At some point, perhaps within the first year, perhaps within the first week of being home,  you will think/scream/ponder, “I went to college for this?”  You may feel that you are losing brain cells. Your days that once were filled solving the important problems of the world, will now be filled with important micro-cosmic questions such as “does “bag-lunch” mean it has to be in a paperbag so its disposable or just a lunch from home that they are going to eat in the classroom?” and “should I do the laundry, start dinner, or sit here and eat bon-bons?”  (Note – you will rarely choose the bon-bons, but when you do, enjoy them, guilt-free.) When this happens, pick up something intellectual - a professional journal, a copy of The Economist from the magazine rack, or a barely read Toni Morrison novel to fire up a few brain cells.  Then go back to figuring out lunch.

Be prepared for that first – and second and 100th – time when you respond to the “so what do you do?” question and have to remind yourself that you no longer have a professional title.  In response, refrain from saying “I’m just a mom.”  Proudly tell the questioner you have left your professional career and are now busy raising your children.  Smile when they say “wow, that’s a hard job.”  There's also the partner phrase, "I couldn't do that."  Depending on who says it, you'll know whether it's a compliment or not; respond appropriately.

Also be prepared for the first – and second and 100th – time you get the question “so, how long are you doing that for? When are you going back to work?”  There’s also the other variations you may encounter: what do you do all day, but don’t you have a college/Master’s/law/doctorate degree, what does your husband think about that?  Your own life plans will dictate your answer, but do stop yourself from laying out those life plans, unless the person is an essential part of your life (I.e. someone who has some kind of financial responsibility to or dependency on you, or someone you really really like).  Otherwise, "right  now, I'm enjoying raising my children" is a sufficient answer.

Practice not rolling your eyes at your husband. This may happen when he comes home and complains about how hard it was giving a presentation to his client or when he calls from his business trip and tells you about the fabulous steak and lobster dinner he just ate. While he's talking, you will be washing dishes, checking homework, and eating a leftover peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Hey, that's his burden in life, this is your's.  (Yeah, we know your's is harder, but humor him.)

Pace yourself. To fill your once busy days, you may be tempted to sign up for every committee of the PTA, volunteer to be the perpetual carpool driver and team manager for every sport your kid plays. Slow your roll.  Give yourself a month or two or twelve to figure out your new rhythm, then, add to it if you so choose.

Make some friends. You probably have some friends already. But on Monday morning you will come to a stark realization - those were working friends. They are not around to get a cup of coffee after the yellow school bus pulls off and your happy hour is now filled with homework.  If your kids are young, you might find some likable moms at a mommy-and-me playgroup.  Perhaps you'll make connections with other moms on the sports team or volunteering at school. As with any friends, make connections with moms you actually like, not one's that just happen to have a kid the same age as yours.

Get yourself a new wardrobe. Push the suits and stilettos, the leather briefcase and the nice anything else you've got to the back of the closet.  You'll need comfortable - but cute - mom clothes.  Go back, did you read the "but cute" part?  Whether your budget is Target or Neiman Marcus, there's no need to live in baggy sweatpants or up-to-your bra mom jeans.  Do your part to make stay-at-home moms look good.

Take time for yourself.  Moms feel like they are always on mom-duty.  But when you were a working mom, you had a distinct period when you switched to professional-person mode and mom-hood took a slight step back.  As a stay-at-home mom, there is no time clock to put you in another mode, you are always around and may feel that in this role, you should always be available. Kids (and husbands) don't need frazzled, burnt-out, resentful moms.  Take a break.

At some point, your kid will hand you the field trip chaperone form and tell you that you have to go because you are the only parent around. Or they will ask you if their friend can come over during the 2-hour snow delay because everyone else's mom has to get to work.  The morning will come when your kid will wake with a slight fever and you will lay him back in the bed to rest without panicking over change in child-care plans.  The moment will come when you smile to yourself and affirm that you've made the right decision. I hope that moment comes everyday.

Welcome to stay-at-home-mom-ness.  Linger over that cup of coffee and keep Just Piddlin' with me.

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8 Ways to Re-Use & Recycle Your Old Clothes

Do a simple search on Pinterest and you will find a bazillion ideas for that old jacket or table or bicycle chain. Even before I was pinning stuff online, I was cataloging ideas in my head and putting things aside just in case I came up with an idea. Although I’m still pinning cool re-purposed stuff, I’m trying to get better about saving all the stuff only when I realistically have time to make them.

When I cleaned out my kids’ closets, there were a bunch of t-shirts and jeans that they had outgrown, were unwearable (ripped, stained, etc.), or didn’t like anymore. Most of the wearable clothes, I donated somewhere.  This is what I did with the rest.

Jeans

• Shorts – I swear, you’d think my kids played for the Baltimore Orioles or that they are required to crawl through school the way they wear out their knees.  The girls’ jeans get cut-off and worn as shorts, nothing new here. If you want to be fancy, you can add embellishments like edging and lace trim around the leg, iron-in designs to cover holes in the pockets, etc. (I don’t like the look for my son, so his get moved into another pile.)
• Make a quilt - A few years ago, when I was feeling quite industrious, I cut squares out of all the throw-away jeans and made a quilt, which we use as a picnic blanket. It’s great – it’s durable, washable, comfy.
• Recycle – Did you know that you can use denim, a cotton fiber, to insulate your home? I’m not stuffing my walls with our old jeans, but I did find a place that collects denim to recycle into home insulation: CottonfromBluetoGreen.org. You can send in less than 100 pieces of denim – in any kind of condition, any type of garment – and you can even have a denim drive! Check their website for more info. I figure its going to cost about $20 to mail the box but that pile is out of my house and I feel good about our used denim going to good use.

T-shirts

• Dust rags – This is how my mother used our old tees. I’ve found thermal shirts work great, too.
• Scrunchies & headbands – Cut the body and arms into strips for quick, easy hair ties. My daughters and I go through so many headbands and hair ties. They get worn out, they get lost. These are easy, they cost you nothing. I throw them in my gym bag so I always have one handy. They will lose their stretch after awhile, but surely you’ll have another t-shirt ready to use by then.

• Tote bag – Great for the tees that have a design that you like, for instances a sports team or school logo.  Or a Girl Scout shirt. I cut off the neck and arms, and sewed across the bottom. Ta-da! Perfect for carrying cookies and badge projects to the next meeting. This took me no more than ten minutes to do.

• Quilt – Again, in an industrious mode, I cut my daughter’s t-shirts in equal size squares (13”, I think) and made a quilt out of them when she finished elementary school. The t-shirts squares have to be lined with interfacing so that they do not stretch; this is easy if you use the iron-on interfacing. Sew the squares together in a row, then sow the rows together. Use a large piece of cotton fabric as the backing, and whichever loft of quilt batting that you select (someone in the quilting section of the fabric store can help you with the backing and batting selections). I hand-quilted hers simply by tieing it in certain points. If you have the skill to quilt, or you have a wonderful friend who does, you can do something more intricate (you can also find services who do this specifically).

Sweaters

I kept the ones that had a hole or stain in it, not worthy of being donated. My plan is to unwind the sweaters and reuse the yarn for a future crochet or knitting project. I’m not making any promises, we’ll see.

These are the things I thought that I could handle with our old clothes. If you are feeling more crafty, again, just search pinterest – or peek at my board - and you will find all kinds of ideas to refashion jeans into skirts, t-shirts into fancier t-shirts, sweaters iPad cases, and all sorts of stuff.

Let me know of any re-use/recycle projects that you’ve come up with for your old stuff. I’m always looking for new ideas!

I spent spring break cleaning out the kids' closets. This is part 3 in my series of posts about what to do with all of that stuff. Read more in previous posts on  cleaning out the closet and donating your used items.

Next Best Thing to Fried Shrimp

As much as I love the recipes with a bunch of ingredients to chop and slice and saute, some days, okay most days, I don't have time for all that.  I asked fellow school mom, Laura, for a good, simple, fast recipe and she sent me this shrimp recipe. After another week of things that went off schedule, I finally got to make it before dashing off to PTA meeting.

These shrimp were really simple and fast - it took me about 10-15 minutes to prepare them and another 10 or so to cook them.  Of course, I added a bit more red pepper to my mixture.  They came out crispy and delicious, I liked the crunchiness without the frying.  I used the same egg coating and bread crumb mixture for about a dozen chicken wing pieces, as well; they also cooked rather quickly, about 20-25 minutes and the kids gobbled them right up.

The bread crumbs I think make the biggest difference. I make oven "fried" chicken using regular bread crumbs and it comes out nice and brown, but not as crunchy as Laura's.  Good switch on the bread crumbs.  Anyway - she's guest blogging and I'm using up all the space.  Here you go...

* * *

Hi, I am Laura from Witchery in the Kitchen.  I am a stay at home mom, who loves to cook and garden.  I also love to take pictures of both and share them on my blog. Being a mom, I am constantly working to get my child to eat more veggies and other healthful foods.  As a cook, I enjoy exploring new flavors and combinations to keep things interesting. On my blog, I work to combine the two. Thank you Frances for inviting me to be a guest blogger on your site.

Do you ever have one of those days when you are trying to eat healthy, but some voice keeps whispering in your head about something on the other side of the spectrum? Um, yes of course you do. I know how it is. This particular day the voice was whispering, no actually it was speaking very loudly about fried shrimp. Fortunately, I don’t own a deep fryer, because that would have been all she wrote. I would have to do something different. So the question is how to satisfy the craving, while at the same time trying to keep within the boundaries of fairly healthy eating?

Really, this is a question I deal with all time as do most of us.  Sure, I love veggies and many healthy dishes, but I also love a lot of foods we all eat that are not so good for us.  I thought about how I deal with fried chicken. I oven bake it.  Not quite the same as real fried, but still quite tasty and much better for you.  The pluses outweigh the minuses. What’s great about this dish is that not only is it a feel good dish for the heart, it’s easy to make and clean up. 

Oven Baked Panko Breaded Shrimp

Serves 2-3

1 lb shrimp, peeled and deveined

1 egg

Salt

Pepper

1 cup panko bread crumbs

¼ teaspoon paprika

¼ teaspoon mustard powder

¼ teaspoon celery salt

¼ teaspoon garlic salt

¼ teaspoon onion powder

¼ teaspoon white pepper

Spray oil such as Pam

Cocktail sauce or other sauce for dipping

1. Pre heat the oven to 400 degrees.
2. Mix the panko bread crumbs with the seasonings in large zip lock bag or shallow bowl.
3. Prepare a baking sheet lined with foil and drizzle a little olive oil on it.
4. Beat the egg with a bit of salt and pepper and pour it over the shrimp. Mix it in well to coat the shrimp evenly.
5. Working with a few pieces at a time, place the shrimp in the bread crumb mixture and press lightly to get the pieces well coated.
6. Place the coated shrimp on the foil lined pan.  Do not crowd the shrimp; make sure to leave room around each piece.
7. Spray the shrimp with a bit of Pam.
8. Bake at 400 for 10 minutes.

My own piddlin' notes: I use Pam Cooking Spray pretty much anytime I use baking sheets or the grill pan, so instead of lining the baking tray with foil, I sprayed it with Pam and the shrimp slid right of the pan.

Thanks to ConAgra Foods for my free sample of Pam Cooking Spray

Another "Family Heritage" Project

Four kids = at least 8 "family heritage" projects so far.

And sorry to say, because maybe it's not a good mom statement or "cultural"person statement, but I kinda get tired of doing them.  I know that they are supposed to celebrate diversity and recognize different heritages and all those wonderful, world-wide lessons.  I'd like to have my kids scribble Langston Hughes' "Theme for English B" on the poster board and recite it, but I don't think that would be acceptable.

The roofline of a Korean palace - I love the colors and design.

My son is working on his now.  There's questions like "what country is your family from", "who in your family is an immigrant," "how did they immigrate here,""what language does your family speak," "describe what do you do to celebrate your heritage," "describe the holidays and dress of your heritage."  As a family with mixed heritage, my kids have a couple of options.  My kids select the Korean family lineage for these projects, because that's more in line with the goals than a poster about North Carolina. (We won't even discuss the incident in which the teacher suggested my child choose some African country instead.)

My kids are partly 2nd generation Americanized-Korean.  As infants, they had 100 Day celebrations and a big first birthday, my mother does cook special foods on New Year's Day, and we regularly eat Korean food.  Do you see a theme?  Our Korean-ness is mostly about food.  The kids don't speak the language, I do only at a basic level, and we don't really celebrate any special occasions. My mother does recognize days such as the lunar new year and the birth or death days of her family members, but the kids rarely do.

The direct immigrant questions are easy.  Annually, they discuss whether I actually am an American citizen or not and can I run for President.  Yes and yes and no, you can't see my birth certificate.  For language, they write "English" although that doesn't answer the point of the question.  They only know basic commands in Korean, "come eat," "come here," "stop talking," "go to sleep" - the essentials of a childhood, so they can't honestly say we speak Korean.

To the other questions, they write answers like "we celebrate Christmas and Easter," because we do, but as I explain to them, that's not because we're Korean, that's because we're Christian.  How about "we eat black-eyed peas and rice on new year's day - with mandoo (dumplings) and rice cake soup"?  That's a more accurate picture of who we are, yeah, write that.

A bowl of Korean rice cake and mandoo soup.

Granted, part of my tiredness of this project isn't the project itself. It's being asked the question, "so, what are you" for over 30 years. I'm proud of my heritage, no doubt, but sometimes I get tired of being asked by random strangers (and yes, I do get asked by random strangers). "No, where are you really from?" "Oh, where is that?" "What do they speak there?" "Say something." Yeah, I love my Korean self, I just get tired of the interrogations.

But for all that, as my son was working on his questions the other day, I realized the best part of the project. My kids sitting with their grandmother as she explains something only she can - her heritage. And no matter how many times she's gone over these same questions with each kid, she doesn't seem to get tired of telling them all about their distant ancestoral home.  And they don't get tired of listening.

"Lean In" Isn't Such a Bad Message

Lately, two of the top tech-y women in our country have been in the news.  The Yahoo! CEO and new mother, Marissa Mayer, shook up her employees' routine by disbanding the work-at-home / telecommuting model and, at the same time, building a nursery in her office.  Telecommuters and moms, alike, were all in a tizzy.  (You may recall this previous post, I wasn't too crazy about her 2-week maternity leave, but it wasn't really any of my business.)  Her Silicon Valley neighbor, Sheryl Sandburg, the COO at FaceBook, has a new book telling women to "Lean In" and apparently, because she's a bazillionaire and Harvard grad, detractors suggest that we should disregard her message.

Instead, learn from her.

I watched Sandburg's interview on 60 Minutes on Sunday and it was interesting to see the interviewer try to poke holes in Sandburg's advice.  Yes, there remains gender and racial bias in the workplace (you can google the data on women and minority CEOs and corporate executives, if you really need proof.)  Yes, a Harvard grad woman has a few more advantages then someone who went to a non-ivy clad school, or, especially, someone who didn't go at all.  Yes, you do have a few more resources when your husband is also a techy-CEO.  And, you could even argue that as a White woman, she has at least one step up over African-American or other minority women.  Okay, so let's put all that aside.  Consider some of the points of her message.

(These are not direct quotes, but from my notes and memory of her interview.  And no, I have not read the book yet, but it is one of the few non-fictions that I'm putting on my list.)

Women give their family and children consideration in planning their careers - this can hold them back from the higher levels of the corporate world.  Consciously or not, I do believe this is true.  There are few women that I personally know who have not given some thought to the hours, the intensity of the work, the travel involved in taking a particular job in relation to whether they can pick their kids up from the bus stop, make it to PTA meetings, and have dinner on the table.  As women, we often debate on what type of career we will have, if one at all, depending on the type of home lifestyle we desire.  I'm sure many of your mom friends, and possibly you yourself, have faced similar decisions.  There's no judgement there, it's just the way women who are mothers, or wish to be, often think.  And by placing these "limitations", for lack of a better, less charged word, does keep women from the highest rung that they may otherwise reach.

Women don't negotiate for what they're worth.  In her interview, Sandburg admitted that she was going to take the first offer given to her by FaceBook.  It was her husband and brother who convinced her she should negotiate for something higher, for the salary they would pay a man.  Whether making millions or minimum wage, do we, as women negotiate for our true value?  Speaking for myself, I'm a terrible negotiator, even my kids can outbid me.  I will fold in a negotiation because I am nervous about walking away from a good deal, not ready to risk it for maybe something better.  And I don't want to hurt the other person's feelings.  Are most women like that?

Women attribute their successes to luck and help from others, rather than their own skills.  I'm interpreting this as we don't accept the credit for our own merits.  Whether its having well-behaved children or being the smartest in the class or the best employee at work, how often do we shake off compliments and suggest that there was something else that contributed to our job well done.  When was the last time you claimed, "yes, I did it because I'm the best at what I do" rather than "my team/coworkers/nanny/stylist/husband did most of it."  I don't suggest, and I don't think Sandburg does either, to be downright arrogant, but, as I tell my own kids, take some pride in your work.  Yeah, I know what they call women who are too boastful, but whatever.  Men don't care about that either.

Lean in.  Sandburg says by this she means "be ambitious."  Who's arguing with that message?  Yes, some women are ambitious already, so I'm assuming they wouldn't take offense to that.  Is it the unambitious ones who are upset?  Oh, maybe because we are reading it as "...and then you too can be a  COO and a bazillionaire."  I don't know if that's what she meant, but that's not the way I'm taking it.  Let's just think about putting our all into whatever it is we're doing, whether its being a tech-mogul, a partner in a law firm, or a super-cool mom.  Let's tell our girls that - lean in.  Be the smartest in the class, the highest scorer on the team, the class President.

We're willing to ignore and tear apart Sandburg's message because she's rich and smart and, yes, lucky as heck.  The interviewer on 60 Minutes asked if we should listen to her because she's a rich executive. I laughed and said to the TV, "uhh, yeah, she obviously knows what she's doing."  But also, because I like to look at people's successes (bazillionaires or really together moms) and figure out how they can help me be a better me.

Shall We Give the Kids a Sticker for Breathing?

Are stars and a pay-off really the best way to train up a child?

It starts with a sticker for peeing in the potty.  (And don’t even get my started on that iPad potty!)  And then a star chart for making the bed.  A coin in the jar for washing the dishes.  A lollipop for completing homework.  It seems we reward our kids for every step of their day.  And by “we” I mean parents generically, not me specifically, because I’m not a very good rewarder.

I recently read a parent suggestion in a popular family magazine about giving her kids a stamp every time they spoke to an adult and after acquiring so many stamps, they got to go to a restaurant as their reward.  Really?  We’re rewarding our kids for talking to people?  I thought this, like using the potty, was something that we taught our children as a regular course of growing up.  How many of us weren't pushed towards an aunt or family friend and told to say "hello"?  What about taking the kid to the librarian's desk and telling the kid,"ask her where you can find books on dinosaurs."  When I mentioned this to my daughter, she screwed up her face and said, “What if the kid doesn’t feel like talking to an adult?”  Which brings me to the related question – are we teaching our kids, by giving them rewards for everything, not to do the thing, but to do whatever’s necessary to get a reward, be it a sticker or a dinner out?  Rather, shouldn’t we teach our kids to do the thing for the internal feel good feeling of doing it?  Or, wow, maybe just for the life practicalness of learning to do a new task.

I just saw another blogpost by a dad-blogger who gave his daughter $200 – wait, let me back up – wrote a contract with his daughter, giving her $200 for disabling her FaceBook account for 6 months.  What the?  And no, I’m not giving you a link because I’m not going to give you any tools to replicate such foolishness.  I wonder if dad ever thought of taking away her phone/computer/iPad?  What happens at the end of 6 months?  Does she get another $200 or does she get her account back?  And, if she’s a smart girl, why doesn’t she ask for more the next time around?  Maybe another $200 for her Twitter account and another $200 for Instagram.  This kid could retire by the end of high school.

What happened to “because I said so” and “because I’m the mother/father”?  Or even Cliff Huxtable’s “I brought you into this world, I’ll take you out” if you need to put a little more tooth into it?  I wish I would give my kids a reward or a pay-off for doing what I told them to do.

Last year, our Superintendent of Schools lead a book talk about motivating students.  Part of the discussion revolved around cultivating a sense of internal motivation – the sense of “oh, I’m so proud of myself for doing that” instead of “what will I get if I do this?”  Because when the reward is gone, the behavior disappears, too.  Or the desire for a bigger reward appears.

Now, this doesn’t mean that I don’t think kids deserve a congratulatory reward every now and then. I prefer them for the big stuff and natural rewards/consequences.  Straight A’s on the report card?  Great, let’s go get some ice cream.  All the chores are done without too much shouting and crying?  Now, we can settle in for a movie and popcorn.  Is this better than the reward every step method?  I guess it’ll be years until we find out if my band of four turns into fully functioning adults, but in the meantime, I’m saving a lot of money on stickers and contracts.

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Family Dinner Table - Asian Chicken

Advice for healthy, happy families and successful kids always recommends the family sitting around the dinner table together. I generally skip over those stats because I think, "we already do that." But then, last week, as I clocked in about 5 after-school hours in the car (in one day), I realized, maybe we don't. Not on a regular basis anyway. There are many days where our family is eating in shifts.  We don't all eat together, all the time; sometimes there are random pairings that share a meal, depending on whose schedules converge.

I don't know about the experts, but I figure a home-cooked meal is the next best thing to all 6 of us around the table. I do try to at least get that done, with the exception of Friday pizza night (though some nights we make our own pizza, which can be a lot of fun). Cooking at home is, generally, cheaper, healthier, and more balanced than haphazardly making a circuit of drive-thrus.

In addition to the schedule of activities, being the chaffeur also plays a factor in meal planning. I can't really do a quick-cook on the stove if I'm not there to cook it (still waiting for that be-in-two-places-at-once magic wand). For those nights, I consider foods I can cook during the day and leave for a self-serve, hot meal for the dinner table rotation. My crock-pot and rice cooker are my go-to appliances.

Asian Chicken (Crockpot)

For this recipe, I use a seasoning mixture similar to what I use when I make bul-go-gi, Korean sliced beef bar-be-que.
Ingredients: 
1/3 c soy sauce
1/4 t ginger
1/4 t sesame seeds
2 t sugar
Pepper
Minced garlic
Green onions, sliced in small pieces
About 10-12 pieces of chicken (I use drumsticks &thighs)

Adjust seasonings to taste



Mix together all ingredients, other than onions and chicken.
Arrange chicken in layers in crock pot
Pour seasoning mix over chicken, top with sliced onion

Arrange chicken and seasonings in crockpot

Turn on the crock pot, cook for a few hours.
(This can also be cooked in a regular pot on the stove.  Add a little bit more soy sauce or about 1/3 cup of water.  Cover pot, let simmer until done.)
Dinner's done.  Serve with rice.
Enjoy!

Tasty with a side of rice and seaweed salad