5 Reasons to Encourage Girls about Diet and Exercise

Girls aren’t supposed to want to be pretty and attractive. At least that’s the new message that seems to be out.  There's a hashtag movement to shy away from telling our girls that they are pretty, only smart - but why not both?  There’s a social message that we don't want our girls to think that exercising is for our own self-image, but only strictly to be healthy and because we enjoy it. More girl-focused campaigns are trying to downplay the truth of wanting to look good and be attractive.  And yes, as a woman and mom of three beautiful girls, I get that there's a lot of over-sexualization in girl-targeted ads and media and clothing; trust me, I struggle with that when clothes shopping, pushing my girls past the make-up counter and push-up bras in the junior sections.  But part of teaching them to walk past all of that superficial-ness and not be too grown, is to teach them to love their own image.

I workout, in a good week, three to four times.  Running, swimming, weightlifting, playing tennis – some combination of those.  And in a real good week, I limit the amount of ice cream and chocolate cake I eat to only 1 or 2 servings.  Like most women, I have a goal weight and a preferred dress size.

This all goes hand-in-hand, doesn’t it?  Exercise, diet, body size. Along with body image and satisfaction with that image. It's an important balance, aligning a workout schedule, a proper diet, and a reasonable desired body image.

So, it's not a secret that I workout and sometimes watch what I eat, partly (mainly) because of self-image. My daughters (and my son, too) know that I try to balance all of this to look how I want to look, or at least something close to it.  And here's why I've never really thought of this as something to deny because there’s a few things I want my kids to understand.

Physical fitness and good health is a choice. Exercise is something that fits into a lifestyle, it’s not just about going to the gym at a scheduled time to jump around, especially for children.  We can decide to sit on the couch and watch TV for 10 hours a day or go out and ride bikes or run around with the dog and be active.  It’s a choice and that choice will affect your health.

Your diet is a choice. And I don’t mean diet as in the all-grapefruit kind of diet, but “diet” in the sense of everything you eat.  We can eat pizza and fries for breakfast, lunch, and dinner 7 days a week (not good) or for one meal of the week, balanced with a salad and fruit, and other healthy meals.  We can’t eat ice cream three times every day, but we can enjoy a sweet scoop on a Saturday afternoon.  We can always enjoy the good things in life.

You should love who you are and what you look like.  There is nothing wrong with looking at yourself in the mirror and liking what you see.  There is also nothing wrong with wanting to be a better you and figuring out how to be that better self.  With proper nurturing and encouragement, that can result into healthier eating and exercise rather than quick weight-reduction tactics, starving oneself, and artificial beauty.  Maybe it will translate into appreciating their intelligence and talents, building their confidence.  We want our children to love their own natural selves.

You have some control over your life and your health.  Granted, there are some health-issues that we have no control over.  But the complications of being over-weight and not having a proper diet – that is within our own decision making power.  Along with that, hopefully the kids will begin to understand that who they are as people is also up to them – how they act, how they present themselves, what they become.  They have to decide who they want to be and be proud of that person.

It’s all about balance and moderation. Yes, you can exercise too little, as well as too much. You can overeat, undereat, consume the proper amount of calories but they might not be all “healthy.” It’s not about being rail thin to show off your ribs, but being a good correlation of height (which you can’t control) and weight (which you can) and eventually, age.  Like a lot of things in life, you have to find the proper balance of “enough” and moderate your intake and output.

And I will admit, it is a fine line between making children conscious of a healthy body size and being overly concerned about it, but that’s all part of the learning process – for all of us.

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Stop Telling the Kids They Can Do Anything

Maybe we should stop giving our kids the “you can do anything you want to do” speech and actually help them figure out what it is they want to do.

This season, I’m coaching for a girls running program held after-school at the elementary school. The ultimate goal is to run a 5K later this fall.  In addition to the physical activity and training, it’s also a personal development program.  In many of the lessons, we’ve said “tell me something positive about yourself.”  And no less than half say something like “I can do it” or “I can do anything.”  We’ve gotten an “I am better than everyone else.”  We might even get an “I can accomplish any goal.”  And they are cheerful and expressive, too. Raising their hands and saying this so loud and proud.  This all sounds good, right? I mean, we do want kids to feel like they can be successful.  But I’m not so sure they really know what that means or truly internalize that message.

Once they go through these wonderful platitudes, we push them a bit more with some more questions. Great, now tell me what you can do. What’s one of your goals?  The girls kinda look at each other, shrug, and say “uh uhh” in the way that kids answer most questions.

I’m not so sure you can do anything, I tell them. Can you fly to the moon? Can you drive a submarine?  Can you run 100 miles?  No, not today, huh? Alright, so let’s focus on something that you can and want to do.  No-one’s better than everyone else in everything.  There’s always someone better, someone worse, and much room for improvement.  Tell me one thing you do well.

What can you do, be more specific than “anything.”  Shrug, mumble.  Can you bake cookies, are you a good student, do you help your parents?  The girls will think and eventually come up with something they believe they do well, or at least something they would like to do well. Alright, now we’re getting somewhere.

The other day, when we got out to do our mile run/walk, one girl got a few yards from the school, frowned and said she didn’t think she could make it.  What? What about our goals?  Is completing this 5K one of your goals? The shrug, the mumble.  What are your goals, then? The shrug, the mumble.  What if we make running to the corner one of our goals for right now?  Let’s go.  And we started running to the corner.  Alright, so you can accomplish your goals. What’s our next one?

Does this seem harsh?  I don’t think so.  In an effort to make sure our kids have such high self-esteem, we’ve filled their heads with these airy, flitty little banners of confidence without any substance.

I do believe kids should have long-term goals.  But not just “oh I’m gonna do something one day.”  Doctor, President of the United States, Olympic athlete – yes, go for it. But let’s set up some benchmarks along the way.  We’ve got to teach them the stuff that they can actually do right now, the milestones they can strive for right now.   If we want them to have goals and have confidence, we have to help them figure out what those goals actually are and what to be confident about.  We have to teach them how to reach goals.  It wouldn’t be a bad lesson for us adults, too.

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Loving the Imperfections

As adults, we are rarely asked what it is we like about ourselves.  Maybe in an interview or something, you are asked about your strengths or most significant accomplishment, or something like that, but that’s not necessarily what you like about yourself.  When, since maybe an essay in 5^th grade, have you had to think about this? 

I’ve been thinking about it for like the past week or so.  But not just what I like about myself, but love about myself.  That seems like it should be an easy answer.  It’s not.

I signed up for a “Secret Subject Swap” with 17 other bloggers – we sent in writing prompts which were then distributed to all participants by some mechanism known only to the host/organizer, Karen, at Baking in a Tornado.  Today is the day we all reveal our topics and posts.  Nothing like a deadline to get me putting on another pot of coffee.

My “secret subject” was submitted by the Mommy Ref, a blogger who has no qualms about beating her kids in a good game of CandyLand. (Come on, it’s good for them!)

What I love about myself is… and it isn’t because…

I’m athletic.  I’m smart.  I’m active.  I’m talented – I can sing and act.

Okay, those aren’t my answers.  I borrowed them from my kids.  I told you, I couldn’t come up with anything so I asked the folks who inspire and spark a lot of my ideas, whether it be a hat that looks like a panda bear, the notion to deep fry cake (yumm, delicious!) or the intent to be a calmer, more positive self.  After I’ve been walking around for the past week trying to think of something I love about myself, they each answered in less than 30 seconds flat.  I asked them to come up with an answer for me.  They mentioned something about having curly hair and a loud voice, then went outside to see who could jump on the pogo stick the longest.

I think a normal answer would highlight some attribute about yourself that you appreciate but not for the most obvious reason.  (My body, although its far from being a shining example of physical fitness.)  But at some level, isn’t it about appreciating your own imperfections?  We are inclined to look for the most perfect thing and hold that up as what we love about ourselves.  But this prompt suggests, at least the way I read it, that we are allowed to love that factor, that personality trait that is still rough around the edges.  It gives us the freedom to say, yeah, I know I’m loud and impatient, but I love being a mom anyway.  I know that my house is a mess most of the time and you trip over shoes whenever you enter, but I love the home that it is anyway.  I know my kids are rambunctious and sometimes hard-headed, but they are also sweet and caring and funny and smart and I really do love them anyway. 

So my answer?

What I love about myself is that I am myself and it isn’t because I’m exactly who I want to be or exactly how I wish I was, but because I’m a work in progress.  

I often want to be somehow different, somehow better, somehow more than I am.  But I am who God intended me to be, at this moment, at this time, for His reasons.  I have to trust that although I may sometimes wish I was something else, in His divine wisdom, I am my own unique self for some reason.  And for that, I love myself.

* Visit www.bakinginatornado.com for the other Secret Subject posts (and recipes for cookies with lots of chocolate and sugar) *

Make Me Beautiful or Pour Me a Cup of Coffee

There are some days, I look in the mirror and think "ooh, who is that old, tired lady hiding out in my bathroom?"  But generally by the time she's woken up, splashed some water on her face, and had a cup of coffee, she looks half-decent.  She kinda looks like me.

 

But apparently, the folks at one of my favorite monthly magazines, thinks I could do better.   Just a quick flip through the latest issue (August, September, this coming December - who knows) yielded no less than 16 ads for a crate of stuff I need to get from the make-up counter (there were maybe 7 or 8 before the first article).

All kinds of lotions and creams and serums to repair my broken cells, hydrate  my skin, erase my wrinkles, brighten my skin,  un-puff my eyes. That's all to make me look younger and healthy.  

That doesn't even count the crate of foundation, concealer, lipstick, lipgloss, eye shadow, eyeliner, lipliner, blush, mascara - what am I forgetting?  All that will make me naturally beautiful looking.  

Oh wait, still need to trim my hair, color my gray (can you really see them?), straighten my waves, curl it back, and put on a cute headband to make it all look so casual.

 

Now with a pair of control top thongs under my slimming jeans, so that I have nothing hanging over the top or visible panty lines, and push-up bra under a waist-cinching top, there will be little evidence of my fondness for chocolate cake and I'll look fit.

 

Wow.  That's a lot of work and my day is half over.  Maybe it's easier just to befriend that woman in the mirror and pour her a cup of coffee. 

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