Why Snowdays Are Not As Productive As You Hope

We have been snowbound for 6 days. And not, oh school is closed so we’re just going to go to the mall, snowbound. But our street was just plowed at midnight of Day 5 kind of snowbound. And we can’t even go out for a walk because there’s 2’ of snow outside kind of snowbound. So you would think that all to-do lists would be cleared by the time the snow melts. You’d think. Unless you are snowbound with your hubby and four children and a dog.

When the snow falls and its pretty clear everything is cancelled, the initial response is “ahh, no running around from here to there, imagine all the things I can get done in the house.”  You revisit the list – reading the library book that’s already overdue, staining that Pinterest-inspired cute table you found at a yard sale, finally clearing the 483 emails in your in-box, cleaning out your closets and putting away the summer clothes, starting (or finishing) the next great American novel… the list goes on. And by day 6 you would think – that list is cleared. You had 144 hours of not going nowhere.

But alas. As the snow melts, you are only on page 10 of reading the overdue book, on page 2 of writing the great novel, increased your inbox by 25 emails and pinned 72 more ideas to your Pinterest boards. How did this happen? I’ll tell you.

• You let the kids sleep in – great decision. But you so enjoyed the quiet, you actually sat down, looked at the snow and finished your coffee while it was hot. – 1 hour
• Since you usually give the kids a pop-tart and juicebox for breakfast, you decided to make french toast, sausage, potatoes, and eggs with all this un-rushed time. And eat it with them. – 2 hours
• While the kids went out in the snow, you got a few things done, but when they came back, you mopped the floor of melting snow, dried off the dog, and triaged hanging up wet coats, gloves, scarves, pants, and socks all over the house. – 1 hour
• The kids were hungry and cold when they came in so you cooked home-made chicken soup and hot chocolate. Again the mom guilt of actually fixing them hot food instead of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. – 1 hour
• With all this found time, surely, there’s time to catch up on How to Get Away with Murder. – 8 hours
• And you missed The Martian in the theatres. - 2.5 hours
• Hmmm… was Gone Girls the movie as good as the book? – 2.5 hours
• If you were lucky enough that your kids still like you enough (or need a big person to pull the sled) to ask you to come sledding with them, you went. – 3 hours
• Sledding is a lot more effort than your Zuumba class, so it warranted a nap. – 2 hours
• Folks who are home eat A LOT!  You are doing dishes 3 or 4 times a day. – 2 hours
• If your kids still want to hang out with you, you got wrangled into a game of charades or Monopoly or Scrabble or JustDance! – 2 hours
• You had to check on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram to see how everyone else was doing in the snow. And post your own pictures of your snow covered street, the pretty snow on the branches, and all the cookies you were baking. – 3 hours
• You were baking cookies. – 1 hour

Now add that all up. In most cases, multiply by 6. Add to it the loads of wet, cold laundry you have. And the re-inventorying grocery shopping you now have to do. And refinishing your floors. And rescheduling the doctor’s appointment, teacher conference, basketball game, and PTA meeting that you missed.  Renew your library book, continue to carry notes for your great novel (really do try to write at least 30 minutes a day), commit an hour to that closet, and keep the satin handy. You’ll eventually get those to-do items checked off. Just now during the snowstorm.

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You Don't Have the Right to Serve Alcohol to Someone's Child

Last weekend, four young guys, high school students and month-ago graduates, were involved in a terrible car accident in which two of them died and one of them remains in the hospital. Alcohol was found in the car and at the party which they left. I pray for all of their families; for the parents of the boys who died - I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child and pray for their healing and comfort; for the boys who survived and their parents - they also will need healing and strength and mercy.

I'm not going to talk about the guys and under-age drinking.  What I want to talk about is adults at parties where there is alcohol present and under-age drinking.

There are adults, parents, who are of the mindset that "my kid is going to drink anyway so I'd rather them do it at home, with me." I don't agree with that in any fashion, but if that's how you feel, I can't tell you how to parent. Go ahead - do shots of tequila, guzzle a beer, sip wine with your own kid.  But when it comes to other people's kids - no one has the right to enable someone else's kids to do things that are not only unhealthy and unsafe, but also illegal.

It's totally irresponsible, as an adult, to host a party and allow under-age drinking.  Period.  

Those who (1) knowingly allow children - other people's children - to drink alcohol in your home, and then (2) let them drive?  I don't and can't listen to any excuses. You don't have that right.  You can't even explain enough how you have the right to put my child in that kind of position. And even without the driving - you don't know how a young person will react to drinking or being drunk (you can die or become seriously injured even without getting in a car), you can't predict what situations they will end up in (impaired decision making and teens - not a good mix).  You can't do that to other people's children.

But what if the kids snuck it in and the adult didn't know? That's always the other excuse.  As the parent of teens, I'm going to say this with the hope that it doesn't come back to bite me in the a$$ one day - I don't believe this. If there is a party in your house, with teens, isn't that something that you should check on? Shouldn't you take a sniff at some of those red Solo cups being passed around, pour yourself a cup of punch for a taste?  Additionally, in my state of Maryland, parents (homeowners) can be charged for providing alcohol to minors, even if they claim they didn't know. (I'm not a lawyer, so look up "social host laws" for the exact legal verbiage, if you need it.)

There was a May 2014 Bethesda Magazine article on underage drinking which I've referred many a parent to and even made my own teen read. This makes clear that we're not talking about a kid drinking a beer over the course of an evening. This is about blood-alcohol levels at .12, equivalent to 5 beers, for a guy, or 3 beers, for a girl, in an hour. That's a lot for adults! The attitude that allowing kids to drink is no big deal is amazing. In addition to allowing under-age drinking, there's a few other (bad) life lessons that these parents are teaching.

• Drinking for social acceptance. A couple parents said that they allowed their kids to have under-age drinking parties in their house so the kid would make more friends, to be cool. Ummm - isn't the general message we try to tell our kids "don't do things just to be cool," "if everyone jumps off a bridge..."?

• Maneuver your way out of accepting responsibility. There's a pretty steep fine for allowing under-age drinking, starting at $2500. This is enough to slap even a shot of cold medicine out of a kid's hand, let alone a shot of tequila. But what's bothersome is the parents who get out of it with legal finagling, by making a donation to an organization that teaches about under-age drinking, etc. etc., essentially keeping their record clean and brushing off the seriousness of the incident.

• Wimpy parenting. i.e. Can't say "no." A few parents admitted that they let their kids and their friends drink because they don't want to argue with them about it. Knock, knock, hello. Isn't that one of the basic tenets of parenting - telling your kid "no."  Why is this generation of parents so concerned about saying "no" to their kids, I know mine sure weren't? (On a side note, this is also the reason given why McDonald's should stop offering sodas and french fries in the Happy Meal.)

I get it that with teen parties, the easiest thing is to send them all to the basement with a few boxes of pizza and leave them be.  We're relieved that we've outgrown the little kid parties where you have to come up with games and activities and be totally present in the party.  But maybe things haven't changed that much. As parents, as the adult, we are still responsible for the young people who enter our home. When my kids' friends come to our house, I feel responsible for their safety until they are returned to their parents' care. Whether they get a paper cut, go into sugar overload on cookies, or leave my home drunk - their parents are going to look at me and ask "what happened?"  I don't ever want to have to say "I'm sorry" at a kid's funeral.  And neither do I ever want to hear those words.

For information on how to have the conversation with your kid about under-age drinking, check out the M.A.D.D. website.

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Childhood Must-Do: A Day at the Circus

There are certain things that make a childhood complete: cotton candy, trips to the zoo, flying a kite, building a fort…. Going to the circus.  In a random conversation last week, my son and younger daughter mentioned that they had never been to the circus.  What? They are 12 and 9 years old, how could that be? They shrugged, repeated the comment, and their older sisters concurred.

Were my children telling me that we haven’t been to the circus in nine years?  Apparently, that’s what they were saying.  To right this situation, I said, “Well, the next time the circus is in town, we’re going.”  There. Good mom.

“Mom, the circus is in town now.”

“What?”

“Yeah. It’s in town this weekend.”

Note to moms: check the newspaper before making big ole’ good mom promises.

Enjoy a day at the Greatest Show on Earth

I’m sure you can imagine how easy it is to fit anything into the middle of a weekend in a life that is pretty much a six-ring circus on any given day.  But we made it – and I was even surprised by a big discount for taking the Metro, quieting my normal grumble about how much it costs to ferry children on mass transportation.

We had a great time, eating too much popcorn and cotton candy, laughing at the clowns and oohing-and aahing at the all the amazing acts of the Greatest Show on Earth.

If you haven’t been to the circus in a while, here’s a few reminders of why you should go.

The elephants!  They’re huge and wear those pretty banners and parade around the ring and stand on their back legs and you wonder, how do they do that?!  If you haven’t heard, their career’s are short-term at this point.  Ringling Bros. announced that they were ending the elephant acts in 2018.  They will retire to the circus Center for Elephant Conservation in Florida.  In the meantime, hurry up and go see them at the circus.

The ringmaster! How cool would it be, when someone asked you at a cocktail party what you did for a living, ready to one-up you on whatever you said and you answered “I’m the circus Ringmaster!”  Who could beat that?  Maybe an astronaut.  Or the President of the United States.  But there’d be a short list. Because, it’s got to be an ultra-cool job where folks aren’t going to say, “yeah, my cousin is one of those.” And – it’s got to be something almost no one else can claim as their job. And – it’s got to be a job where you get to wear sparkling jackets and knee-high boots.  CEO? There’s hundreds. NFL player – thousands.  Stripper – not unique at all.  Miss Universe – maybe she’s a contender.  But Ringmaster of the Ringling Bros. Circus? There are currently only 3 and there have only been 38 in the circus’ long history.

Popcorn & cotton candy!  I know, it’s salty and sugary and two huge bags at one sitting is not healthy for child nor parent, but hey – it’s just this one time.  Enjoy!

The trapeze folks!  If I ever ran away and joined the circus, this is what I would want to do. Fly through the air with the greatest of ease and then jump down to the super-duper trampoline net.  These people make you ooh and ahh and hold your breath as they amazingly fly over and catch the other bar or person’s hand.  I love it.

Those motorcycles in a ball!  My son loved this part, and it’s such a boy thing, right? Motorcycles, engines roaring, gravity-defying, life-threatening danger.  I’m keeping my eye out for any large round things showing up in my yard.

The cats! As amazing as they are, ever since the terrible incident with Siegfried and Roy, we’re on edge because these cats really could get tired of all these tricks and try to eat the cat guy. Of course, we hope that doesn’t happen, but in a corner of our minds, we’re bracing for it.  When we went, one of the cats did seem to get a bit like she had her own plans of how the show should go and I was ready to grab my children and run if one of those cats got loose.  The excitement of the circus!

(Yes, I've used a lot of exclamation points!! in this post because talking about the circus requires it!)

And just in case you can’t make it, you can always read about the circus. A couple great circus-themed books: The Night Circus, Waterfor Elephants, and of course, Curious George Goes to the Circus.

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Forget Sugary Drinks, Pass These Laws To Make Parenting Easier

The other day, I saw yet another bill being proffered so that parents don't have to do their job.  The Healthy Kids' Meal Bill would require that restaurants offer water, juice or milk as the beverage with a kids' meal. Why? Yes, because it's healthier than, say lemonade or a soda. But, also, because parents don't want to be the bad guys on this.  Really? We're going to make a law, just so parents don't have to say "no, Bobby, you can't get a soda with your meal?" Really?

I get it - sugary drinks - bad for kids - bad for their teeth - blah blah blah.  I'm not debating whether lemonade or milk is more nutritious. But what I am saying is this: shouldn't it be my decision, as mom, whether my kid gets to have a lemonade or milk with their chicken nuggets and fries, as opposed to law?  Yes, there are kids who have fruit punch in their baby bottles (not good for their teeth, moms) but then there are those who only have the sugary stuff as their treat when they go out.  So... how about we let the parents figure out what their kids drink, when.

And as for the parents who need this kind of law to make parenting easier?  If you can't say "no" to this, what are you going to do about the really hard stuff? Like dying their hair purple or taking your car for a midnight trip to the beach? And how are you teaching them to say "no" to the offer of a cigarette or a beer or (sex)?  We're not regulating an illegal substance here, you know like marijuana (which by the way, folks are determined to make legal). And I might be more concerned about the legality of selling a 16oz of Starbucks to a teenager (talk about an addiction!)  We're talking about a mixture of sugar and water.  Don't want your kids to have it, say "no."

But if we are looking for some laws to pass to make parenting easier, here's a few options to consider.

• Cell phone companies must turn off signals to phones operated by those under 18 years of age at 9 p.m.
• Children's rooms must be cleaned, with clothes put away, each day, without being told.
• Voices shall not rise over a normally acceptable talking volume when a parent is on the phone; nor shall any child ask for cookies, a lost shoe, or permission to do anything during this time.
• No children's activity shall require more than 1 practice session per week.
• Any children-focused activity facility (gym, dance studio, karate center, music hall) shall have a fully-loaded and operational coffee machine and comfy chairs in the waiting area.

Any offense is punishable by the mother effected being sent to the nearest day spa for a pedicure, manicure, or if the infraction is bad enough, a massage.

Let's start with these.

In the meantime pass me a Pepsi & fries.

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Independence & Parenting (Continued)

A couple months ago, I wrote about parents' right to choose what is an appropriate amount of independence for their own kid (Throw the Kids to the Wolves). We don't do sleepovers, my kids don't ride public transportation alone (too much), and don't go to unsupervised parties.  As a parent of your own child, you are free to agree or disagree with our mode of parenting.  Further, I suggested that as parents, we get to be the "legislative, judicial, and executive decision maker."  Okay, so I was wrong.  So long as a busy-body doesn't call the cops on your kids, and thus effectively, on you, because you decided that it was okay for your kids to walk home from the park a mile from your house.

Such was the case for this Silver Spring, MD family who did allow their 10 and 6-year old that independence and are now caught up in the Child Protective Services system (you can read the Washington Post story).

Now for all of my own brand of protective parenting, there is one thing that I've always said about kids. My kids and others. We need to encourage them to go out on their own, get to know their neighborhood, and explore.  Without me hovering over them.

And - side note - we don't really need the term "free range parenting." I mean, these are our kids, not cows and chickens that we are trying to keep organic. Why must everything have a label? Why isn't this just "go outside and play parenting" - but no label?  Okay, back to what I was saying...

We are talking about two elementary age kids, walking a path, according to their parents, that they had traveled before.  And up until the nosy neighbor called the police, were doing just fine.  Now, there's a possibility of the parents losing their kids? Come on!

I've been to the playground and seen those moms who are probably wagging their fingers at these parents.  They follow their kid through the climbing tunnels and stand guard at the swings.  They quickly wipe away any spec of dirt or drop of sweat on their kid's brow.  Unlike me, sitting on the bench, reading a book, and taking periodic head count.  Can you remember, as a child, one good play day you had with your mother watching your every move?  Yeah, me neither.  In fact, my brother and I would leave after breakfast, maybe return for lunch, and then run back into the house as the streetlights came on.  And before someone says, "oh but that was back in the day," and at the risk of CPS knocking on my door, I fully encourage my children to do the same.  They could even pack a lunch, if they'd like.

At some points, kids do need to get out on their own.  They do need to be street-smart, directionally aware.  And despite what it may sound like, I'm not contradicting my previous post, because here's my point. What I choose for my child, may not be what you choose for yours. As a parent, part of our responsibility (and one of the benefits) is to make those choices for our little people, as long as they are safe, legal, moral and all that good stuff.  I think we can all agree that a 2-year old shouldn't be left at the park alone, but 6 and 10? Hard call. It depends doesn't it on their own maturity? Just like I've got to decide whether to let my 15-year old ride the bus.

Besides, I'm sure there's kids out there who are really hurting and need CPS to intervene and help them out.

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What Mother Came Up With Post-Sports Game Snacks?

Team snacks. Ugh. The thorn in the side of every kid sports team parent, or at least this one.  I was so relieved to somehow - perhaps fate, sports-gods, luck - slip by mostly unscathed from this modern-family gauntlet of kid activity requirements.  Then, last week after Nat’s basketball game she came over with juicebox and a bag of cookies in hand.  “Where did you get that?” I asked as if she was carrying a live virus.  Suzy’s mom brought snacks for everybody. Ugh! Are we starting a snack list, are we going to have to switch teams?

Who came up with this?  Why, why do kids need a snack after an hour sports activity? And why do we have to stay together to eat it, since the game is over, can’t we all just go home (or more likely, to the next kid sport activity)? And why, why do we have to share in this responsibility of feeding the kids, why can’t every mom just bring their own kid a snack?  Now, I have to be conscious of your gluten-free, no sugar, no salt, no peanut, no soy-based, no red food coloring, organic only, locally raised food requirements.  I can barely shove four water bottles, oranges and granola bars in a bag for my own kids and now you want me to consider all these other kids, too? Who, I want to know, came up with this?

A Parent's Christmas Wish List

Here’s my list of all I want for Christmas. Or my birthday. Or anyday. 

• More sleep. Specifically, in the mornings because I don’t want to miss Jimmy Fallon and the Roots.  I just want to sleep until after the sun has come up.

• To only have to say “good night, sweethearts” once a night. Okay, even four times would be fine, but once per child per night.

• Less laundry. My kids put on their jeans, go to school, sit at their desks, come home sit on the couch, take them off, throw them in the laundry hamper (or usually the floor, but let’s pretend.) I’ve been telling my kids, air them out, hang them up, wear them again. And I’m even backed up by Levi’s President & CEO Chip Bergh who recommends washing your jeans less than every week – or in his case, annually.  And swimming towels? Ugh. The life of the mother of a swimmer.

• Less dishes to wash. If you just have toast and a boiled egg, you can just wipe of the crumbs and use it again, right? Someone – back me up.

• More sleep.  On the weekends when we’re supposed to be sleeping in, not setting an alarm to get to [fill-in-the-blank] practice.

• To finish a cup of coffee while it’s hot. I start every morning with two cups of coffee. The first one is to sip while I’m getting everyone ready and out the door. I generally never finish that one because mid-way it gets cold.  If I’m lucky, I get to finish the second one between the washing drying, folding, sweeping.

• Mastery of another language that only my husband and I know. This way, we could maybe have a conversation without our offspring interjecting. I’m regrettably not fluent in Korean, so even to this day, my mother and her sisters and friends can talk about whatever they want (including me) without me knowing that they’re talking about. I’m jealous of that power. Lesson young parents – learn a foreign language.

• A helicopter. It doesn’t have to be all Air Force One-ish, something simple with a coffee cup holder that carries five and all their stuff is all I need. Then I could get through the crazy traffic in my county and get everyone to basketball, swimming, tennis, and choir practice all at the same time, without negotiating who will be late this time and who will have to wait afterwards to get picked up. Do they come in pink and green?

• Another cup of coffee, afterall. Yes, let’s go for three. Make it hot.

• A magic potion to make this childhood thing last a little bit longer. My oldest is in high school, her sister will join her next year.  Chatter comes through our house with words like “SAT,” “college application,” “won’t live here anymore,” “driver’s license.”  It’s making me nervous. Where did “dollbabies,” “coloring,” “One Fish Two Fish” go? I’ll take four doses, please.

• Just a little more sleep.

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas! Enjoy the gift of eternal love and family, today and every day.

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