Father's Day is for Dads... Can We Leave it That Way?

This weekend is Father’s Day. It’s for dad, daddy, pop-pop, papi, papa – fathers.  For many people, young and old, it’s a sad reminder of the dads who aren’t present in their life, for the myriad of reasons why, spanning from choice to illness to death to prison to deployment to even not knowing who dad is and many others.  And there’s a lot of moms out there trying to fill that space. But it’s not mom’s day – that was back in May, it was called Mother’s Day.

There seems to be a growing trend over the recent years to honor the single mom on Father’s Day. I think I’ve actually seen more ads for gifts and cards for mom than dads for this weekend. 

Single moms, no doubt, have quite a challenge in raising their children alone, for whatever reason they are alone. And this is where I note that some of my favorite people are or were single moms and I acknowledge all that they are doing for their children.  But they aren’t dads.  A dad is a male parental figure. Moms aren’t that. No matter if they are the one who brings home the bacon, changes the tire, cuts the grass, coaches basketball, as well as cooks dinner, plants the flowers, and sews dance costumes. (Yes, I know I am invoking strong gender roled tasks here.)  Regardless of all that, mom is the female parental figure. Give her the honor of a really hard working mom. Give mom extra flowers on Mother’s Day or even give her an extra day and let her celebrate Mother’s weekend.

Don’t let dads off the hook or reinforce the “my kid doesn’t need a dad” message by letting mom take the glory. Don’t make moms have to man-up by celebrating Father’s Day.  Don’t dismiss the memory of a father.  Don’t take away from the dads who are there and present in their kids life by making them share it with single moms.

To all the kids who are missing their dads this weekend and everyday, God bless you.

And to all the dads out there, hanging out with their kids this weekend - Happy Father’s Day.

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Study Shows Home-Cooked Meals Cause Mother Stress

A new study suggests that cooking meals is a stress factor for mothers, particularly in the list of things good mothers do.

It took a team of researchers a 1 ½ years to figure that out.  They could’ve spent a week in my house and went on to use the rest of the 77 weeks making ground-breaking discoveries such as getting children out of the house for school in the morning is stressful, transporting kids to after-school activities requires a lot of family time juggling, and getting curly-haired girls to sit down to get their hair down is the cause for many many adult and child-sized tears.  But back to this study.

Some of the mothers they talked to were working poor, trying to prepare home-cooked meals in a cockroach-infested hotel bathroom or a trailer being taken over by ants, or without reliable transportation to the grocery store to buy fresh fruit.  Yes, I would believe that a home-cooked meal is a source of worry for these moms. But the bigger stressor seems to be having a decent home.  I’m sure a lot of things cause you gray hairs when you are in such financial dire straits.

The middle-class mothers also reported that this notion of feeding the family is a burden because they have to plan meals that meet each family’s members personal tastes. Really?  Where is that written in the mom-handbook?  Catering to each person’s preference is a (modern) mom-made stressor, myself included. Even making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches requires referring to my mental notes of preferences – one PB & strawberry jelly, one PB & grape jelly, one PB only, on strawberry jelly only. Sheesh!  But when it comes to the more complicated stuff, like dinner? It’s pretty much take it or get yourself a bowl of cereal.  We do our kids some kind of disservice letting them think that the home kitchen is their own personal restaurant.  Sure, they may hide the peas under the mashed potatoes every now and then, but isn’t that better (for the mom) than making a serving of peas, another serving of broccoli, a spinach salad, and a pot of collard greens just to make everybody happy?  Kids need to learn that they don’t get their way all the time and figure out solutions to deal with that reality, even if it does mean sneaking a brussel sprout into a napkin every now and then.

Additionally, our busy lives makes the idea of going grocery shopping, bringing it all home, cooking something delicious, and serving it on one table to the entire family at one time an exercise in breaking the time continuum.  (How many researchers did this take to figure that out?)  In fact, my latest mom-freak out was looking at my son’s swim schedule this season and realizing that swim practice is at 6 o’clock pm (the proper dinner time) four days a week.  This, after I loaded to our calendar the girls’ tennis and basketball schedules.  And my PTA and sorority meetings. And dad’s work travel schedule.  We’re never going to eat dinner at the table as a family for the next year.

The researchers of the study gave some recommendations for solutions that have yet to be available (to-go dinners provided by the schools) or that seem financially unfeasible, like eating from food trucks (because surely someone who is living in a buggy hotel has the funds to eat out every night - not).

In my research, which has taken about 15 years and involved my circle of friends, here’s a few solutions that the busy mom might find helpful to relieve some of the stress of feeding the household.  I don’t do them all, all the time, but when I have, I found they help.

• Plan meals for the week in relation to the family schedule. Include breakfast, lunch, and a plan to make use of leftovers.
• Make a grocery list to support the meal plan and use coupons.  I’m not the super-couponer, but saving even a few dollars each trip helps.
• Make use of the crockpot. This is a busy family’s magic food cooker – put a bunch of stuff in it in the morning, with a little liquid of some sort, turn it on and voila – dinner.  I’ve posted my Crockpot Spaghetti and Asian Chicken recipes, to give you a few ideas.
• Use some pre-cooked or pre-prepared ingredients. Pick up a bag of salad, a rotisserie chicken, and make some pasta when you get home.
• Teach the children to cook.  You can be doing laundry or something if you let the kids boil the spaghetti or batter the chicken. Do not, however, feel compelled to cook with your children because this can cause even greater stress.
• Cook for tomorrow.  After everyone’s gone to bed and you’re piddlin’ around the house, put a chicken or a roast in the oven, cook the pasta for tomorrow’s dinner.  Nothing says you have to cook at 5 pm.
• Do plan every now and then for the meal out. Because sometimes you just are not home to even cook the home-cooked meal.

And moms, one thing to really relieve some stress?  
Realize that everything does not have to be ready for Cooking Channel and Pinterest. You do not have to have garnish and a perfectly plated meal. You do not have to cut all your vegetables to look like a beautiful sunrise to entice the kids to eat it. The real point of the family meal is the gathering of family to break bread together. Yes, you hovering over the hot stove all day is a nice, housewife-y touch, but isn’t really a requirement.  Make it healthy, make it something at least some of the people like, and be proud of yourself that you made it through another day.

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Just Breastfeed Your Baby!

Once upon a time, a long time ago it seems, I breastfed my children, all four of them.  At home, in restaurants, walking thru Target, at friends' homes, on the beach.  And not once - not at all, ever - did someone say, "hey, lady, you can't do that here."

I'm amazed and surprised whenever a news story pops up about a mom who has been prohibited from breastfeeding her baby somewhere.  And generally, there is no insinuation that the woman was sitting in the middle of the floor, topless, so I'm assuming these moms, if they were in the act of feeding their child, were doing so somewhat discreetly, as much as one can.  Then why someone would come over and say "hey, lady, stop doing something that we can hardly even tell you are doing," I don't really understand.

And I know - yes, there are those moms who sit there almost topless, fully, or at least half-exposed, while they are feeding their baby. So, yeah, I get that no-one wants to see engorged breasts in public, unless and except when it's on the big or little screen for entertainment purposes only.  So, go back to where I said "discreetly."

The other situation is those moms who ask if it's okay to breastfeed their kid.  Why are they asking if it's okay?  I've never once taken out my kid's bottle and asked if it's okay for them to drink their juice, or asked permission before handing them a graham cracker.  So here's the lesson for you moms:
stop asking for permission!

If your baby is crying and hungry, get yourself comfy and feed your kid.

Even the Pope this week said so. Don't let the baby scream until there's a convenient and appropriate time. Feed the kid!

This week, a mom was denied access to a fitting room in Victoria's Secret to breastfeed her kid. On the one hand, I understand VS's point that it's not a feeding room, it's a fitting room for customer's to try on bras and panties that they will buy.  Having a lady sitting in there feeding her kid (whether breastmilk or a bottle) is basically using up income-producing real estate. Understood.  (I don't think that's the way the store clerk put it, but let's pretend she was nice about her refusal.)  But mom - why did you ask?  Just go in, close the curtain, and feed your kid. Take a bra in there with you if you feel like you need an excuse.  These are great, calm, cozy places to breastfeed a kid in the middle of the hectic mall.  Not advocating for turning fitting rooms into feeding rooms, but I'm just sayin'.

And the protests and the feed-ins? Okay, if that's what you want to do.  Me, I never had the energy to wrap up my baby, go somewhere I wasn't wanted, and then wait for her or him to be hungry so I can sit there and feed them to make a point.  But hey, I do stuff that other folks would consider requiring too much energy, too, so to each her own protest.

I guess the stories of moms being accosted for breastfeeding make other moms feel nervous and anxious, and so they ask.  But consider the statistics.  This week, I saw 1 story.  Maybe you saw another.  Altogether, maybe there's a handful of stories this week about moms being told don't breastfeed.  Among the millions of moms who were walking around with happily fed babies.  See? Your chances are low, it's like winning the lotto, that someone is going to bother you.  So stop asking permission, don't be anxious, and feed your kid.

Happy feeding!

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There's More Than 1 Good Dad Out There

Last week a photo went viral - it depicted a Black guy (presumably the dad) with a baby attached to him in one of the snuggy things combing another little girl's hair.

Oh my gosh! You would've thought that it was a pic of a guy solving world hunger or flying with a jet pack to the moon.  Folks acted like they never seen a dad being a good dad before.

Okay, I'm not living under a perfect family rock. I know that there are guys out there fathering kids by women who aren't their wives (or, ahem, fiancees), guys who've got babies the same age from two different mommas (is there a term for that, "urban twins" maybe?), guys who've been around town so much that they could fill a classroom with their offspring, and guys who kick back on the couch watching ESPN while their wife and mother of their children cook with one hand, check homework with one eye, watch the baby with the other eye, and fold laundry with the other hand.  Yes, I know there are some deadbeat, no good, raggedy men posing as fathers out there or even hiding from the title of "dad."

But there are good dads out there, too.  Dads who marry their babies' momma and don't have any "outside" kids.  Dads who walk their kids to school and volunteer in the PTA.  Dads who coach their kid's basketball team and cheer on their chess match.  Dads who brush their daughter's hair and help her pick out the perfect leggings to go with her dress.  Dads who (gasp!) even pay their child support.  Dads who cook dinner and dads who help with homework.

How does one find one of these good dads for their kids?  I have to go along with my mother's own comments, here.  We, as women, have to be more picky about our choices in men.  If we want a dad that's going to stick around, perhaps we shouldn't go with the guy who already has five kids scattered around town.  If we want the dad who is going to cook sometimes, maybe not pick the dude who has pizza boxes and carryout containers piled in the kitchen.  If you want the guy who is going to help your kid get through school, look for the guy who values education and goals.  In general, pick a guy who shows some kind of loving and caring nature about him, so that if things end up not going so well between mom and dad, the kids still have a reliable dad, even if he's not physically and emotionally with their mother.  Yeah, I know, sometimes the guys a wolf in sheep's clothing, and you can get caught totally off-guard.  But sometimes, it's a wolf in wolf's clothing, too, and women still stick their hand out.

The pic of the dad and his girls is cute, no doubt.  I admit, I smiled when I saw it and that "aww, how cute."  But the sad thing about it?  Folks are acting like it's some anomoly. Some amazing proof of this other life-form: the good dad, like we finally got an undeniable photo of BigFoot.  I know there's some other proof. I've just got this feeling that there are some other good dads out there.  Am I right?  Share in the comments any proof to support this theory.

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Best of Just Piddlin': Top 10 of 2013

Thanx for Just Piddlin’ along with me in 2013!

I've had a wonderful year blogging and chatting with you.  Checking over my blog posts, these were the 10 most read posts of the year (no particular order).

Working moms and stay-at-home moms, alike, were represented in these motherhood and parenting posts:

• "Lean In" Isn't Such a Bad Message
• Now That You're a Stay-at-Home Mom
• Shall We Give The Kids a Sticker for Breathing

These dishes perfect for busy moms who want home-cooked food for their busy families were popular:

• Next Best Thing to Fried Shrimp - from Witchery in the Kitchen
• Asian Chicken in the Crockpot - selected as a Circle of Moms Recipe of the Day
• And for birthdays, holidays, or any reason to have cake - Cake Decorating - tips from Fancy Cakes by Leslie

Perhaps I’m not the only one struggling with the “where’s your family from” projects, as many of you read up on Another Family Heritage Project.

Fellow yarn-holics picked up their needles for this one: My First Knit Hat

Folks were busy cleaning out their closets & looking for tips on what to do with those old clothes: Re-Use & Recycle Old Clothes

And friends were looking for answers of why they were de-friended (or justifying why they de-friended folks): 5 Reasons You & I Are No Longer Friends

Was your favorite in the top 10?

In 2014, we'll continue striving to grow Just Piddlin' and make it better - for you, the reader, and me.  To learn more about this whole blog-o-sphere, I attended 2 blogging conferences - Disney Social Media Moms and Blogalicious - conferences will be in the plans again in the coming year.  We received a pile of products and books for review which was a lot of fun and look forward to continuing to bring you great products and recommendations.

Book reviews will continue, but I’ll be changing the reading plan a bit.  I’ll let you know in the beginning of the month the Book I'm Carrying Around and invite you to read along and discuss the book with me.  (I’m busy trying to pick out what to start the year with.)

I’ll still be In the Kitchen, cooking and trying out recipes, especially anything chocolate.  Feel free to recommend any great foods or coffee/chocolate shops you think I should try if ever in your city.

And of course, I will continue to be a busy mom of 4, who is always carrying around a skein of yarn, a book, and my perceptions of the world.  I hope you’ll keep piddlin’ along with me.

Please feel free to let me know in the Comments below what you would like to see in 2014.  We'll see what we can do.

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You Can Have It All - Take It by the Slice

The responsibilities of home and to family, our profession aspirations, community service, personal goals.  We are constantly trying to have it all and find a balance between all that we’re trying to do.

As moms, it’s as if we envision ourselves as some type of Lady Justice holding onto this scale balance with our professional pursuits on one side and our home on the other, not letting it tip too far in either direction. Put in 8 hours of work and we push ourselves to get in 8 hours of happy family time, and squeeze in eating, sleep, reading a book, and working out in the other 8.  This notion of balance also leads us to think that we can continually pile more on, as long as we keep it even.  A promotion at work? Better bake some more cookies for the school party?  New office in the PTA?  Put in an extra hour on the job so folks don’t think you’re slacking.  And what happens? The weights get heavier. And eventually, it’s all too much of a burden and we fall.

Perhaps, it’s not a balance we should use in this metaphor.  Perhaps instead, a pie is a better image. Pecan, if we want to get specific.

We can divide our life, our days, into slices – all the things we want to, need to, feel like we have to do.  Work, household chores, hanging out with the kids, volunteering, laying around reading, time to drink coffee in our garden, visiting friends, getting to the gym.  A slice for every little good thing we want to fit in.  Now, you know how to construct a pie, right? You’ve got an 8” pie pan, you can only get so many pecans in there.  Whenever I make a pie, I’m tempted to add just a bit more – just another ½ cup of pecans.  But that extra’s not going to make it better; instead it’s going to overflow into a syrupy, nutty mess all over the bottom of the oven.

Just like with our days – we can only get so much to fit. At some point, we’ve got to decide that the next project, another task, another “yes” is going to make us bubble over.  Instead of adding more ingredients, we have to adjust our slices.  If we want to spend more time hanging out with the family, where’s that time going to come from?  You might decide to take it from Chores and hire a housekeeper, if you are financially able to do that.  Perhaps you will seek more flexible work hours or work from home, gaining an hour or two in commuting.  Or maybe you want to put more hours in at the office or in your own business.  Perhaps its worth your personal goals to spend a little less time at home, let the kids hang out with Daddy or the grandparents – nothing wrong with that.  You may put in some slices that I would never think of and vice versa.

The size of my slices will surely look different than anyone else’s, and will be a different flavor than many.  But that’s alright.  Mine is for me, and your’s is for you.  You keep your fork over there and I’ll do the same.  There’s many options with the size of the slices, but one thing for sure - we’re not getting a bigger pie pan.  So let’s fill it ‘til its full – no more, no less – and enjoy the sweetness of life.

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When Momma's Not Around, Keep the First-Aid Kit Handy

Hansel and Gretel’s momma wasn’t around and they went off to be baked into cookies by a witch.  Cinderella’s momma was dead, she was forced to do all the chores then try to find her own husband just to get out of that house.  And while Dorothy was left on the farm with Auntie Em, she was an old woman, she didn’t know what to do with that girl.  There’s always trouble when momma’s not around, but at least they don’t have to deal with the mom guilt when their kids get blown away in a tornado or fed poisoned apples.

What happens when Momma's not around (scene from The Wiz)

Here’s a typical scenario in my house.

Kid: Mom, can I ______ [fill in the blank with all kinds of requests – borrow the saw, make creme brulee with a blow torch, see what happens when you mix baking soda and vinegar, use the bleach.]
Me: No. (walks off, crazily assuming that the kid will actually do as I say)

Next scene – possibility of options, in order of non-compliance:

(1)  Kid with a mop, trash bags

(2)  Contents of first-aid kit scattered across the kitchen counter as we realize everything that’s supposed to be in it is either expired, lost, or empty.

(3)  Everyone in the car on the way to the emergency neighborhood clinic

My response to either of the scenarios is the same, although I realize that they should differ, escalating in excitement and volume, along with the severity of the scenario. But it’s always the same and goes something like this: “What were you thinking?! Didn’t I say ‘no’! You could’ve killed yourself, blown up the house, or poked an eye out!”  Always those three possible outcomes.

I know a better mom would have a more sympathetic, lower in volume response. And at these times, looking at my frightened, injured child, I try to think “what would The Nanny say to do?” and then I figure she’d probably put the kid in time out or make a chart about their missteps.  So I try that.  Let’s talk about this rationally, I think.  I start off with a good mom phrase, “Dear, what were you trying to do?”  My kid begins with, “I was tryinta…”  Then The Nanny gets pushed aside and I return to, “that’s why I told you not to do it! You could’ve killed yourself, blown up the house or poked an eye out!”

This is the best I can do because the guilt of not watching them 24/7 hits me in the chest. The unnerving fear that they really could’ve done some serious damage to themselves tears at my heart.  Facing the ultimate mommy-fear that they could be taken out of my life in someway leaves me breathless and with the full knowledge that I would lose my remaining sanity.

And then I start thinking that maybe those evil witches were on to something and look for plans to build an impenetrable tower and hair growth serum.

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Could the Dads Be Right?

For as long as I've been a stay-at-home mom - okay, well long before that since I didn't invent motherhood - there's been the stay-at-home vs. working mom debate.   Who was the better mom - the one who fully embraced her domesticity or climbed the corporate ladder? Should women hang up their college degrees or ignore the baby bottles? Clearly those mothers who gave up their jobs and career goals to run around the playground and volunteer with the PTA were a disappointment to all the women who fought and struggled for their equality in the corporate world. Or was it that the moms who pursued their career plans, establishing themselves as experts and commanding respect in their fields, with their own pocket change, were the ones who were doing a disservice to their children, left in the care of some strangers?

And then, to mix it up a little bit, there were the moms who confused the argument by taking their babies to work or taking their work home. Were they cheating, trying to unfairly have it all?

Let's throw into the ring those used-to-be stay-at-home moms who are looking for their old job back. Those who, in the terms of a recent New York Times magazine article, "opted out" and now want back in.  Of course, the three women in the article represent the whole of stay-at-home moms going back to work, right? Divorced or with an unsupportive husband regretting that they left their great jobs in the first place as they try to get back into their cubicles.  They woke up and realized that having to ask hubby for funds to go buy that new pair of shoes wasn't fun anymore. What about the moms who stayed home, had a great time, and don't ever want to go back to work?  The message from these moms is that it's just a matter of time before they'll be begging for their old 9-to-5.

Not to be left out, the single-by-choice moms are putting in their 2 cents.  Now had the other moms skipped the whole marriage and husband bit and kept their jobs all along, they would be happy and at peace right now, with their perfect, non-crying babies and all the freedom to do whatever they wanted with their kid. Formula or breastfeeding, cloth diapers or disposable, organic or totally processed food? They don't have to ask anybody else nothing.

This doesn't even account for all the other mommas out there - you can fill in the blank and all the missing categories.  It's a big momma brawl.

But it doesn't really have to be this way, does it?  We don't see the dads fussing over staying at home or working, opting in or out, getting married or staying single.  Yes, they do make these same choices, but it doesn't seem to be at the level of public discussion as for the moms.  Maybe the guys don't care? Maybe they just do whatever they (and their wife/partner/spouse/baby momma) feel is the right move for them and go with it, not really giving much care to what all the other dads are doing and not feeling the need to tell the other dads that they're doing it wrong.

Hmmm... do the men actually have something right, this time?

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Now That You're a SAHM

Perhaps you were reading "Lean In" and decided you were too tired of leaning.  Or you saw the Yahoo! CEO with her in-office nursery and realized you'd rather dump the office. Or some mom at PTA with her fresh-baked cookies made it all look so easy.   Somewhere, somehow, someone convinced you to give up your tailored skirt, heels, and comfy office chair for yoga pants, school volunteering and laundry.  Welcome to the loose band of caffeinated moms known by the misnomer, stay-at-home moms.

Pour yourself a drink (coffee, Pepsi, margarita, whatever works) and take note of a few tips to prepare you to make this wonderful transition.  (And yes, I know this post is long and it will take you a week to read it, but hey, this new gig ain't easy.)

At some point, perhaps within the first year, perhaps within the first week of being home,  you will think/scream/ponder, “I went to college for this?”  You may feel that you are losing brain cells. Your days that once were filled solving the important problems of the world, will now be filled with important micro-cosmic questions such as “does “bag-lunch” mean it has to be in a paperbag so its disposable or just a lunch from home that they are going to eat in the classroom?” and “should I do the laundry, start dinner, or sit here and eat bon-bons?”  (Note – you will rarely choose the bon-bons, but when you do, enjoy them, guilt-free.) When this happens, pick up something intellectual - a professional journal, a copy of The Economist from the magazine rack, or a barely read Toni Morrison novel to fire up a few brain cells.  Then go back to figuring out lunch.

Be prepared for that first – and second and 100th – time when you respond to the “so what do you do?” question and have to remind yourself that you no longer have a professional title.  In response, refrain from saying “I’m just a mom.”  Proudly tell the questioner you have left your professional career and are now busy raising your children.  Smile when they say “wow, that’s a hard job.”  There's also the partner phrase, "I couldn't do that."  Depending on who says it, you'll know whether it's a compliment or not; respond appropriately.

Also be prepared for the first – and second and 100th – time you get the question “so, how long are you doing that for? When are you going back to work?”  There’s also the other variations you may encounter: what do you do all day, but don’t you have a college/Master’s/law/doctorate degree, what does your husband think about that?  Your own life plans will dictate your answer, but do stop yourself from laying out those life plans, unless the person is an essential part of your life (I.e. someone who has some kind of financial responsibility to or dependency on you, or someone you really really like).  Otherwise, "right  now, I'm enjoying raising my children" is a sufficient answer.

Practice not rolling your eyes at your husband. This may happen when he comes home and complains about how hard it was giving a presentation to his client or when he calls from his business trip and tells you about the fabulous steak and lobster dinner he just ate. While he's talking, you will be washing dishes, checking homework, and eating a leftover peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Hey, that's his burden in life, this is your's.  (Yeah, we know your's is harder, but humor him.)

Pace yourself. To fill your once busy days, you may be tempted to sign up for every committee of the PTA, volunteer to be the perpetual carpool driver and team manager for every sport your kid plays. Slow your roll.  Give yourself a month or two or twelve to figure out your new rhythm, then, add to it if you so choose.

Make some friends. You probably have some friends already. But on Monday morning you will come to a stark realization - those were working friends. They are not around to get a cup of coffee after the yellow school bus pulls off and your happy hour is now filled with homework.  If your kids are young, you might find some likable moms at a mommy-and-me playgroup.  Perhaps you'll make connections with other moms on the sports team or volunteering at school. As with any friends, make connections with moms you actually like, not one's that just happen to have a kid the same age as yours.

Get yourself a new wardrobe. Push the suits and stilettos, the leather briefcase and the nice anything else you've got to the back of the closet.  You'll need comfortable - but cute - mom clothes.  Go back, did you read the "but cute" part?  Whether your budget is Target or Neiman Marcus, there's no need to live in baggy sweatpants or up-to-your bra mom jeans.  Do your part to make stay-at-home moms look good.

Take time for yourself.  Moms feel like they are always on mom-duty.  But when you were a working mom, you had a distinct period when you switched to professional-person mode and mom-hood took a slight step back.  As a stay-at-home mom, there is no time clock to put you in another mode, you are always around and may feel that in this role, you should always be available. Kids (and husbands) don't need frazzled, burnt-out, resentful moms.  Take a break.

At some point, your kid will hand you the field trip chaperone form and tell you that you have to go because you are the only parent around. Or they will ask you if their friend can come over during the 2-hour snow delay because everyone else's mom has to get to work.  The morning will come when your kid will wake with a slight fever and you will lay him back in the bed to rest without panicking over change in child-care plans.  The moment will come when you smile to yourself and affirm that you've made the right decision. I hope that moment comes everyday.

Welcome to stay-at-home-mom-ness.  Linger over that cup of coffee and keep Just Piddlin' with me.

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Mom-Me Celebration: What My Mother Taught Me

My mother was the first to hold me and bathe me and brush my hair. So much of who I am comes from all that she taught me, either by intention or by example.  She taught me how to cook and take care of my house. My mother taught me how to run a business and manage my money. She taught me how to let my husband be the head of my household and hold my tongue (though my husband may suggest that I'm still learning). My mother taught me how to play jacks and ride a bike. And she stood back and let me figure out how to fix a broken chain or a flat tire on that bike.  She taught me how to draw and color and crochet. She's trying to teach me how to knit.  She took me to piano lessons, every week, for years.  She taught me to show respect for my elders.  She taught me how to walk and how to swim. She took me around the world and always made a home to return to.  She taught me how to braid my hair and paint my nails.  Because of my mother, I tell my kids "good night and I love you."  Because of my mother, I count rice as a major food group and as a bona fide meal. She taught me to write and tried to teach me how to hold a pencil correctly. She checked my math homework and let me go to the library. My mother has never closed the door.  She's always let me dream.  She said "no" plenty of times, as a mother should.  My mother was not my friend, she always was and is, my mother.  She kept me safe.  My mother taught me to love. My mother taught me to be a mom.

Happy Mother's Day

Mom-Me Celebration - Day 28: Go windsurfing!

When was the last time you did something you liked to do or something just for you?  I've given you a few hints of Mom-ME stuff to do over the past month, but then I thought "what if I didn't include the something that someone wanted to do?" What if someone loves windsurfing and they have not been windsurfing in forever because no-one else in their family likes to windsurf or all the family vacations are in the mountains far away from the wind and the surf and they just need someone to say "hey, take a day to go windsurfing."  So there, I said it.  Go windsurfing.

In addition to all the other mothering duties - laundry, dishes, dinner, blah blah blah - we also are responsible for entertaining the family.  Though, one may argue that this duty has taken on quite an extraordinary level of work since we (I) was a kid. It used to mean buying my brother and I a jumprope and a ball and then going back in the house to watch The Young & The Restless. Now, it means buying a jumprope for each kid and a ball and an airpump and some bases, actually going outside and setting up the bases somewhere safe, being sure to put up the orange "kids playing" sign on the street if the end of the cul de sac is the ballfield, and putting elbow and knee pads and a helmet on the kids and getting any neighbor kids' parents to sign a waiver in case they somehow skin their knee and and playing with the kids.  Yeah, and then you never get to go windsurfing.

And you walk around pouting that instead of windsurfing, you are playing kickball or cooking dinner. And you remember how much you liked windsurfing and how good you were at it.  And you lament that you will now be way too old when you don't have to play kickball anymore to dare getting on a windsurfer board.  Yes, I hear you, momma!

Determine, or should I say - remember, what it is that you like to do. Not what you like to do with your kids, or with your hubby. Or  not even what you like to do with your mom-friends.

You by yourself, complete this sentence: "Wow, I sure love to [windsurf]."

And now go do that thing. If you can't do it today, for instance, if you happen  to be in your living room or waiting in your car rather than sitting somewhere in your bathing suit, then make a concrete plan to do it tomorrow or sometime soon.  And by "concrete" I do mean written in stone (as much as motherhood plans can be).  Make a vacation reservation near wind and surf, call the local community college or specialty school and sign up for a class to refresh your skills, pull out all your stuff you need and blow the dust off of it.  Make a plan to do something that you really enjoy doing.

Enjoy windsurfing!

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